I wanted to go back to classic because it is easier for me and honestly i am used to it. But to do that, I have to upgrade and that is 25.00 a month but they take the 300.00 out at once. i just love this blog site and I think it is sad that we only have the choice of paying or not getting classic. Very disappointed in WordPress. I wish we could just have a choice. period.
This is a hard time of the year. I love the season and the Holidays and all of the joy of celebration. But I hate to love it because so did she. The daughter I lost. But I am happy with all that I have. I am not miserable. I lost so many friends, well, all of them when she died. They didn’t and couldn’t understand and I couldn’t explain. I hate the feeling that comes this time of year. I want to enjoy it but I feel so guilty because, although I think of her everyday, this time of year that she loved and died in was her favorite. From Halloween to Valentines day. she celebrated life. I just think of her death. I hate that. I hate feeling like I am ungrateful because I am blessed but plagued now with so many issues. Anxiety, panic etc. I went from a really strong person to someone who feels like I cannot control my own mind. This is just who I am now but sometimes I just wish I had one friend who could “get” me and tell what I do to stop feeling this way. In memory of Nikki. Feb. 17th. Car wreck.
A couple of years ago, my sister decided she wanted to raise some chickens. so she bought some baby chickens, then some more and long story short she ended up with a lot of roosters and chickens. They have a beautiful lot and houses and anything a chicken would desire but they fly over the fence into her yard to walk around. I have been around them since they were babies. Well…… to the present. I was there the other day and I walked to the side of the yard. I was on the phone and looked up to see one of her Roosters. He is huge but so beautiful. He is also Rattlesnake quick. One minute I am gazing at his beauty and the next, I feel pain whip across my legs. That bird attacked me so fast i didn’t even realize what happened until I looked down. He speared one leg with his spur and the other with his spur and his feet! Bam! Blood everywhere on my legs. So, I now know if you need to see a Jurassic animal, get a huge rooster. A Velociraptor with wings. Needless to say, I will not go out to see her birds anymore. lol.
I cannot believe it! breezy, just the right temperature! Wow! You just don’t know how rare indeed this is! Yezzzz! It is like a dream come true because I LOVE LOVE Fall! Just sharing that happy thought today! 🙂 Hope your day or night is just as great!
You loved this time of year. You loved Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas. You left us three days after Valentines Day. Your baby brother was only two days old but he would have loved life I believe like you always did. I guess it may be good you are not here right only because you would have worried about the events in this World right now and nothing I could have said would have brought you comfort. You were so kind and beautiful. I just wanted to share this day with you. I wanted to hear your laughter in my heart and see your smile as I can only in photos now. I love you Sara Nicolle and your baby brother Ryan. Your sister does too. She would have wanted you to be the best ever Aunt to her babies. We will ALWAYS love you.
People have often, on other Social Media, asked me why I write at odd times about the son and daughter I lost. They say, it is wrong to try and get sympathy by writing so much or at sporadic times about them. No. It isn’t. I do not do it for sympathy. I do not need their sympathy. I need to remember them. I WANT to remember them. I love them. You never realize until you lose a child how it changes you. I write about it when i want to, when I feel like I want closeness or sometimes to help the pain. I write about them because I and will always remember them. And that IS okay.
God knows I am not an easy person. I know this. But I have a thing about trust. i do not trust many people. But I trusted you. With all that I have. And you have broken it over and over with your lies. How many times do you lie and then ask me to trust you again? Maybe i am wrong. Maybe I am so big on trust that I drove you to lie. But I have always been honest with you. I opened my heart and yes, I know you love me. But still, no matter how many times I just ask for the truth, I find out you lied again. The one thing I ask of you is the one thing you cannot or will not give.