We ALL go through bumps in the road, chaos, and so many things and for some of us it is a little different. We have lost children, suffer from anxiety or other things that cannot be seen like a physical illness but that is when I have been shunned the most. How many TIMES do I have to say, YOU do not understand and I am not asking you to but PLEASE over look the times I freak out or I am going through depression and be there as opposed to writing me off because I should not have “acted” that way and you cannot take it anymore.
Along with my issues, I am also the first one to jump when someone needs help or is hurting or needs a friend. I wish sometimes I had people who say they love me who would do the same for me but I have been just cast out of the “group” because I am too overly emotional and it is affecting their happiness. So sad because when they need me, they find a reason to come running back. I do not fit in anymore but it really showed me the difference in my loyalty and theirs. I would still be there if they called and said they needed me.
It seems like only the “happy” people are liked and accepted these days? Have we become like robots? Do NOT show emotion. that means drama and our lives can only have drama in our little circle we choose. People show not get upset, have a bad day, have an illness or you can as long it shows how much they help for kudos until they bore of it. Or illnesses you cannot see, God forbid you have one of those. NOT ALLOWED!
It just seems like in this day and time or maybe I am around too many perfect people who never make mistakes. But my encounters have been never ever have an issue, need someone, etc. We ALL have good and bad days but it is almost like we should just be smiling robots. IF the re are still, real, humans who do not get mad when you just need compassion, please let me know where they are.
So I just sopped in to have and have a wonderful day! I hope it is bright, happy and just all around great!
We didn’t ask for this and it is hard living with it even as we try and manage it and tread on. It is complicated, it is hard and not ONE of us who suffer from it say, “I just love this issue and I am so happy to have it” and if anyone does, I do not know them. It is a difficult and lonely road because it is in the mind. All I can say if you do not understand it is, just imagine the same dream night after night of being in a place where you never know what is around the corner and you never know if something is going to jump out and get you. And no matter what you do, you still get that same dream night after night after night. That is how it feels to me. So please keep in mind, we are trying. We are fighting it, our desire is to over come it. But while we are still there, please understand that it is hard to live a life where most people cannot understand it. We are not asking you to. we are just asking you to be there. To love us. To hold a hand out in some form when we need it.
My new thing I try and do everyday. No matter what is going on, I just say it several times a day. I am blessed. For good things, I am blessed. For bad things, Not sure why this is happening but I am blessed. Just in every situation, that is what I am doing. Just saying I am blessed because in so many ways I am and when bad things happen, I keep trying to remember, I have many things where. I. Am. Blessed.
I had to let go of some of the people I love and hold dear to my heart. But to live, I had to let them go. I was tired of being told I was just “thinking” that, it was all in my head, that I was “in a dark place”. Why? Because I over think. Because I have anxiety. But, they never admitted they would not answer me when I sent things to them or they would avoid me or just so many things that as long as I did things their way, they were willing to help (which was one call they would accept from me maybe one every two weeks or so).
As long as I never got upset, just smiled, laughed and did everything that they deemed normal. Emotions were not allowed or I was in need of help. Does it hurt? Yes. But do I feel stronger? Oh yeah. Sometimes letting go is your road to recovery.
It is amazing tome how families that used to be close, stick through hard times together and loved each other deeply have now become so separated. Some stick together while casting out any who are not “normal” or cheerful or suffer from depression or anxiety or other things. If it is physical, most will stick by you but not anything else. And with this new group of families, now things are spaced by terms. “Immediate family which is only parents, siblings and Aunts and Uncles are excluded. OF COURSE there are times when just that family gets together but when our kids were growing up we did EVERYTHING together. But the saddest part is seeing the ones shunned because of something they did the family did not like or a self righteous younger one who sets family member against family member. I just do not understand where strong cemented family units went and it is sad. I guess those days are gone for many of us because now instead of, “We are here for you, we will get through this”, it is “I had to set boundaries. You were ugly to me when you were going through grief and depression so I had to exclude from most of my life.” Wow. Just sad.