Mixing reality into fantasy…. Just some fun downtime….. Part One.

I love fairies as most people know. i love fantasy and I love using design to combine the two. So today is a break from the usual to share some of how I mix reality and fantasy and also some beautiful memories together. I made some of my daughter and her niece who never got to meet . I also brought a bit of love into her sisters photos to keep the sisterly bond. Have a great day/ evening wherever you are and I hope you enjoy.

Why are we trying to delete the History of America? …….

Trying to delete history of the United States will not change anything. It will not make the World a better place because it is just that . History. We have learned from and we can still learn from it but by trying to erase it, we are also erasing all of the good that came from it. Religion, Martin Luther King Jr. (whom I greatly admire) Roosevelt, Rosa Parks, JFK, Abraham Lincoln (whom I also greatly admire). Just many things and good people. Lessons learned from tragic mistakes and bad people such as Hitler, serial killers, oppressions and the list goes on. Of course bad things happened and great things happened. My grandfather, a man of Indian heritage was one of the wisest people I have ever met. He taught me things that serve me to an advantage to this very day. He taught me about strength, forgiveness, love, acceptance, giving and keeping your word. He had a tough life growing up but he never missed a beat. He told me of his History and tragedies he experienced and it taught me to always be a kinder, more forgiving person. Tearing down Statues, rioting, trying to erase things that happened is just a mind boggle for me. I walk around people and in 90% of the cases, we are smiling at each other. I look at the eyes and see it when mask are on. Leave History just where it is and we can still learn. But we can also realize that while we cannot change it because it is a done deal, just work to make the World, OUR World, a better place.

You left me a long time ago… But you will always be here in my heart..

I see your picture every morning. I think about you everyday. You made me smile and I know you still watch over me. But I would be lying if I said I didn’t miss our chaotic, happy, silly life we shared. You brought us so much laughter and joy. I wish you were here to see the beauty that came after. your sister growing up to get married and have her beautiful babies. If you could be here to see how I paint and how it changed. How so many things we could be doing together or the talks we would be having. But even though you left me a long time ago, I love the time I was blessed with you. For that, I get to love those memories so when I do wish you could be here, I can still go back to the time when you were here and even when I cry, I also smile. Because if you had never been here, I would not have learned so many things that carry me through now. I love you always. Love, mom

How we deal with Grief… And it is not always the Same… and that is okay..

When I lost first my son and then my daughter, each time I dealt with it differently. My son who was 2 days old, I can still rarely talk about. My daughter who was killed in a wreck with her three friends, I talk about a lot. But I started watching how differently people deal with grief. It was interesting. Some never can get past the grief and live it daily. Some immediately start giving away all but a few things of their loved one while others hang on forever to every thing that belonged to their loved one. Some stay angry, some find peace, some understand others who lost some do not and cannot focus on anything but their grief. Some of that used to bother me. But I have realized that however you deal with the grief if it is what you need or how you need it is okay. Because it is your grief and your loss. So whichever path you take, I personally wish you some kind of peace and love.

I keep your picture here so I can see you everyday…. Some flashbacks…….

I keep her picture on my desk. I look at her at times so I can see her face and rekindle memories. Some are good, some hurt, some make me cry and some make me laugh. But I love to see that smile and although it hurts that she is gone, her memory lives on in my heart. I remember everything about her even can smell at times the perfume she decided she liked at 13. She never changed. She added one more and sometimes the cherry blossom smell seems to drift out or the vanilla. I love my sweet girl. Always!

Memories and motivation on getting these done…

I do memory pictures for those who have lost their loved ones. I am sorry I have not been on but at times I spend 6 to 8 hours a day doing these pictures. As a mom who lost children, it is a way to bring them back to us if only in a picture. But I wanted to stop in and say hello and I hope to catch up on everything here. lol. Sooo, I hope you are all having a great week and being busy keeps my mind on things besides anxiety. But I wish it would warm up so I could plant some stuff. Have a GREAT day!

After the tornado, A man and his trains…

The photo is courtesy of Donna Surgenor. Thank you. He is well past 80. He has fought battles with cancer and won and still fights one. He retired as a Major. But that is only the part of the story. The man I am writing about is my step dad and he has taught me so much. How to hang on, how to be strong and now I hope I can help him. His and my moms home where my sister, twins and youngest son live was hit by the tornadoes in Ga last week. We are blessed they were all gone and not killed as so many others sadly were.
But this story is about him and some trains. See, he grew up really poor and they never had money for much of anything. But, I guess when he was about 12, his dad was able to give him a train. Not a set but one little train. He cherished it and has kept it all these years and during his life, he added to that little train until he finally had a collection of them. He went into the army to help support his family and to be able to get his teeth fixed. And he bought nothing for himself but trains here and there.
As I said earlier he served our country and retired a Major. But he never forgot that first little train and for years we watched with the joy on his face as he would run those trains on the set up he made and show us how and what kind they were and the story behind them. While we were so blessed, my heart broke when I saw the tornado had destroyed his trains. The treasure in his heart that he took such pride in. There is no replacing that first train or the others, Many were very old.
But, just like everything, he just sees the good and say’s how blessed that they were all ok. But I see the heartache in his picture. I love you Papa and I am so glad you are still here with us. But if I could have given you anything, it would have been that your trains were spared. The reminder of how bad things used to be but how hard you worked to make things good in life. I am sorry. I love you. REST Peacefully now Papa. You will be missed.

Life can be beautiful… Life can be hard…

Life can be beautiful
Happy and filled with laughter
and so many great things
And life can be hard
We get the good and we get the bad
We take and we give
We love and we lose
We laugh and we cry
I guess that is why life is so interesting. You experience a taste of every emotion and every example. We are not exempt from the good or the bad.

Why is it still so damn hard? …..

It has been 12 years today since you left us. I thought this year was going to be easier that before years because I had not been crying as much but I woke in tears this morning. Just that quick. But it is what it is. I guess my philosophy on it is that it is the life of a parent who has lost a child or children and I have lost two. But it is just weird how some years I got through with laughter, most with tears but still I would thing ok all the blessings I DO have and that she never suffered and that she is probably happier now. But like one guy said the other day, “When people say God needed another angel, that is great until yours is taken.” Just a tough day I guess. Love to all of us who have lost our children.