I keep your picture here so I can see you everyday….

I keep her picture on my desk. I look at her at times so I can see her face and rekindle memories. Some are good, some hurt, some make me cry and some make me laugh. But I love to see that smile and although it hurts that she is gone, her memory lives on in my heart. I remember everything about her even can smell at times the perfume she decided she liked at 13. She never changed. She added one more and sometimes the cherry blossom smell seems to drift out or the vanilla. I love my sweet girl. Always!

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Memories and motivation on getting these done…

I do memory pictures for those who have lost their loved ones. I am sorry I have not been on but at times I spend 6 to 8 hours a day doing these pictures. As a mom who lost children, it is a way to bring them back to us if only in a picture. But I wanted to stop in and say hello and I hope to catch up on everything here. lol. Sooo, I hope you are all having a great week and being busy keeps my mind on things besides anxiety. But I wish it would warm up so I could plant some stuff. Have a GREAT day!

After the tornado, A man and his trains…

The photo is courtesy of Donna Surgenor. Thank you. He is well past 80. He has fought battles with cancer and won and still fights one. He retired as a Major. But that is only the part of the story. The man I am writing about is my step dad and he has taught me so much. How to hang on, how to be strong and now I hope I can help him. His and my moms home where my sister, twins and youngest son live was hit by the tornadoes in Ga last week. We are blessed they were all gone and not killed as so many others sadly were.
But this story is about him and some trains. See, he grew up really poor and they never had money for much of anything. But, I guess when he was about 12, his dad was able to give him a train. Not a set but one little train. He cherished it and has kept it all these years and during his life, he added to that little train until he finally had a collection of them. He went into the army to help support his family and to be able to get his teeth fixed. And he bought nothing for himself but trains here and there.
As I said earlier he served our country and retired a Major. But he never forgot that first little train and for years we watched with the joy on his face as he would run those trains on the set up he made and show us how and what kind they were and the story behind them. While we were so blessed, my heart broke when I saw the tornado had destroyed his trains. The treasure in his heart that he took such pride in. There is no replacing that first train or the others, Many were very old.
But, just like everything, he just sees the good and say’s how blessed that they were all ok. But I see the heartache in his picture. I love you Papa and I am so glad you are still here with us. But if I could have given you anything, it would have been that your trains were spared. The reminder of how bad things used to be but how hard you worked to make things good in life. I am sorry. I love you.

Life can be beautiful… Life can be hard…

Life can be beautiful
Happy and filled with laughter
Joy
Love
and so many great things
And life can be hard
Sadness
Grief
Pain
Loss.
We get the good and we get the bad
We take and we give
We love and we lose
We laugh and we cry
I guess that is why life is so interesting. You experience a taste of every emotion and every example. We are not exempt from the good or the bad.
LIFE

Why is it still so damn hard? …..

It has been 12 years today since you left us. I thought this year was going to be easier that before years because I had not been crying as much but I woke in tears this morning. Just that quick. But it is what it is. I guess my philosophy on it is that it is the life of a parent who has lost a child or children and I have lost two. But it is just weird how some years I got through with laughter, most with tears but still I would thing ok all the blessings I DO have and that she never suffered and that she is probably happier now. But like one guy said the other day, “When people say God needed another angel, that is great until yours is taken.” Just a tough day I guess. Love to all of us who have lost our children.

Life as we knew it…..

Life as our family knew it is gone but not the memories. We have lost our daughter, a son and a nephew at 13 to cancer. But we still have the memories and the love. We still have the photos that it has only been recently that we can look and actually smile at just how wonderful they were. Their laughs, their joy, their silliness and their life. Life as we knew it will never be the same but love as we knew it is still as strong as the day they left.

Why didn’t I know? Loss of child…

You left us and it has been almost twelve years now since your wreck. Sometimes though I look at your pictures and think how did I not know the loss of your weight or that something might be off? your friends said later you would go through times of feeling sad but I never saw it and you never told me?
We talked all of the time. You lived with us. But you were always smiling and joking and made your family laugh. Maybe you just didn’t want to see me sad.
But I believe in my heart you were happy. I really do. I am just sorry you never told me you were sad. I would have helped you through it. I love you. Always. Love, mom.