Of course I changed when you left us. What parent wouldn’t? ………..

It has been a few years since you died. I used to not even be able to say that word but do now because you did. You took a piece of my heart with you. This time of year is hard because you loved Holidays. I laugh, I enjoy your nieces and i enjoy life but it does not change the loss of you. My heart still cries and I still cry. Not everyday but I think of you everyday.

People say I changed well yeah. I did. I lost something worth more than any money in the World. I lost you. I am blessed to have your sister and her precious babies. you would have been the best Aunt ever. I laugh with them. The oldest 12, knows all about you and she even writes you notes and ask about your life. The baby is only 15 months so of course she doesn’t yet. Your sister misses having someone to talk to. I miss your laughter and how you never took life so seriously. Little things were that. Nothing to stress over.

You had challenges with Autism but you made it through struggle after struggle. I am a bit harsher now with life. I am not the old me. but I don’t have to be. the “new” me that came a bit after you died saw life from a different view. I still love, I still feel blessed with your sister and family but I will get “over” losing you. I love you. Always. Love, mom.

Scatter a little Sunshine and spread some love……

I want to be able to spread a little scatter of Sunshine of love to everyone. So much is going on and so much chaos in the World right now. We need scatters of Sunshine and love to throw around to everyone! Just a touch of love to someone even if it just holding someone’s hand, being there, a text or a call. Anything to show some happy could mean the World to someone so for me, I will try and scatter some around today and throwing some to whomever reads this! Have a beautiful day/ night wherever you are!

The Peace and Tranquility when you let go of Toxic People…………..

I started my journey a couple of months ago by letting go of really toxic people whom, every time I was around them they were mentally abusive or just spewed anger and hate or they would just constantly berate me and then say they were kidding. Being an Empath was hard because I absorbed it. It landed me in the Hospital and I decided it was time to let go no matter who they were or how much I loved them. I had no choice. It has proven to be the hardest but best thing I could do. My stress and anxiety decreased. I could recharge myself and I have been happier. I recently had an encounter with one of them and it was eye opening! I felt immediately stressed, they started to try and use their ways of pain again but I bailed out and after a few shaky hours found peace again. Lesson learned. Sometimes you DO have to LET THEM GO. Hugs!

Grief is like a Current in the River… Ever changing…..

When I lost my children, one at two days, my son Ryan, and my daughter, Nikki in a wreck with three of her friends, I did not realize how much grief can change on a daily basis. It takes a while to get over the shock that numbs you from going insane but it does not stop the pain or tears. I never realized the ups and down and like a flowing river, you have calm places, turbulent areas and dangerous pulls. Grief has been like that to me. I have times I am calm and smile at the memories. Days when I fall apart and just cry. I also have days when anger overcomes it all and I find myself fighting the pain. As time goes on I find more days of calm water but the under current is always there. Waiting.

Spread some Love, Share some Heart………

In all that is going on in this crazy life, I just want to spread some love and and share some love from the heart. I am going to reach out if I can to those who seem sad, or worn down. I want to show those who feel unloved that somebody loves them. One person can change that life. I am going to make that my focus today! Have a great day/evening wherever you are!

Mixing reality into fantasy…. Just some fun downtime….. Part One.

I love fairies as most people know. i love fantasy and I love using design to combine the two. So today is a break from the usual to share some of how I mix reality and fantasy and also some beautiful memories together. I made some of my daughter and her niece who never got to meet . I also brought a bit of love into her sisters photos to keep the sisterly bond. Have a great day/ evening wherever you are and I hope you enjoy.

Life without fb or much of it anyway…..

I have taken a step away from fb. I have online groups so i check on those but the drama from fb, all of the restrictions, fb jail, not meeting community standards and just all of it in general has become a hassle. as well as getting drawn into it. I just seem to find more and more pain from it than pleasure. People use it to shun you or to dwell out their anger at someone or just so many dismal things. I didn’t even realize how much I was getting caught up in it until I have taken a step back starting a few weeks ago. I think I am doing so much better being away from all of it. The World needs more face to face and less online robotic communication. Just my opinion of course! Have a great day/evening where ever you are!

Reading today and then my mind went to Anxiety… Why it should be called an emotional, not mental illness..

I have been reading your stuff, looking at photos and so on. Then it just popped in my head (happens a lot) that even though I have anxiety, why is it called a mental illness? I think it should be an emotional illness. Even though emotions come from the mind, it is still an emotional reaction from our souls I believe and our hearts. I have extreme emotion which at times causes anxiety but it is because I am too loyal, too loving and I think deeply. But my anxiety comes from my heart and soul so I call it an emotional illness not mental. Just me of course in my ranting thought s during reading. Now I am back to reading. lol. 🙂

Why are we trying to delete the History of America? …….

Trying to delete history of the United States will not change anything. It will not make the World a better place because it is just that . History. We have learned from and we can still learn from it but by trying to erase it, we are also erasing all of the good that came from it. Religion, Martin Luther King Jr. (whom I greatly admire) Roosevelt, Rosa Parks, JFK, Abraham Lincoln (whom I also greatly admire). Just many things and good people. Lessons learned from tragic mistakes and bad people such as Hitler, serial killers, oppressions and the list goes on. Of course bad things happened and great things happened. My grandfather, a man of Indian heritage was one of the wisest people I have ever met. He taught me things that serve me to an advantage to this very day. He taught me about strength, forgiveness, love, acceptance, giving and keeping your word. He had a tough life growing up but he never missed a beat. He told me of his History and tragedies he experienced and it taught me to always be a kinder, more forgiving person. Tearing down Statues, rioting, trying to erase things that happened is just a mind boggle for me. I walk around people and in 90% of the cases, we are smiling at each other. I look at the eyes and see it when mask are on. Leave History just where it is and we can still learn. But we can also realize that while we cannot change it because it is a done deal, just work to make the World, OUR World, a better place.

Is there Racism in America? There is Racism all over the World…..

Just like everything in life, there is good and there is bad. Racism is one of them. There is also good and bad in every situation. You have some white people that are racist against African Americans, there are some African Americans racist against white people, some Indians racist against white people and vice versa. In every color, nationality or whatever you will find racism. You will also find good people and bad people. Good cops and bad cops, Some Muslims against Christians and again vice versa. racist homeowners against renters, racism exist in every form. However, it is up to us as a species to find the find the good and avoid the bad. There are just situations that no matter what you do, it is not going to change some things. Turning against each other because some people choose to be racist is just not okay with me. Uniting together as one with no color, no creed, no status involved and being as one is how we can all make change. not by all the things going on now. We cannot change History but we can make today and the future better by coming together. Just my take for the day. Have a great day/evening wherever you are.