I have been reading your stuff, looking at photos and so on. Then it just popped in my head (happens a lot) that even though I have anxiety, why is it called a mental illness? I think it should be an emotional illness. Even though emotions come from the mind, it is still an emotional reaction from our souls I believe and our hearts. I have extreme emotion which at times causes anxiety but it is because I am too loyal, too loving and I think deeply. But my anxiety comes from my heart and soul so I call it an emotional illness not mental. Just me of course in my ranting thought s during reading. Now I am back to reading. lol. 🙂
Trying to delete history of the United States will not change anything. It will not make the World a better place because it is just that . History. We have learned from and we can still learn from it but by trying to erase it, we are also erasing all of the good that came from it. Religion, Martin Luther King Jr. (whom I greatly admire) Roosevelt, Rosa Parks, JFK, Abraham Lincoln (whom I also greatly admire). Just many things and good people. Lessons learned from tragic mistakes and bad people such as Hitler, serial killers, oppressions and the list goes on. Of course bad things happened and great things happened. My grandfather, a man of Indian heritage was one of the wisest people I have ever met. He taught me things that serve me to an advantage to this very day. He taught me about strength, forgiveness, love, acceptance, giving and keeping your word. He had a tough life growing up but he never missed a beat. He told me of his History and tragedies he experienced and it taught me to always be a kinder, more forgiving person. Tearing down Statues, rioting, trying to erase things that happened is just a mind boggle for me. I walk around people and in 90% of the cases, we are smiling at each other. I look at the eyes and see it when mask are on. Leave History just where it is and we can still learn. But we can also realize that while we cannot change it because it is a done deal, just work to make the World, OUR World, a better place.
Just like everything in life, there is good and there is bad. Racism is one of them. There is also good and bad in every situation. You have some white people that are racist against African Americans, there are some African Americans racist against white people, some Indians racist against white people and vice versa. In every color, nationality or whatever you will find racism. You will also find good people and bad people. Good cops and bad cops, Some Muslims against Christians and again vice versa. racist homeowners against renters, racism exist in every form. However, it is up to us as a species to find the find the good and avoid the bad. There are just situations that no matter what you do, it is not going to change some things. Turning against each other because some people choose to be racist is just not okay with me. Uniting together as one with no color, no creed, no status involved and being as one is how we can all make change. not by all the things going on now. We cannot change History but we can make today and the future better by coming together. Just my take for the day. Have a great day/evening wherever you are.
I see your picture every morning. I think about you everyday. You made me smile and I know you still watch over me. But I would be lying if I said I didn’t miss our chaotic, happy, silly life we shared. You brought us so much laughter and joy. I wish you were here to see the beauty that came after. your sister growing up to get married and have her beautiful babies. If you could be here to see how I paint and how it changed. How so many things we could be doing together or the talks we would be having. But even though you left me a long time ago, I love the time I was blessed with you. For that, I get to love those memories so when I do wish you could be here, I can still go back to the time when you were here and even when I cry, I also smile. Because if you had never been here, I would not have learned so many things that carry me through now. I love you always. Love, mom
So much has changed in this new “normal”. Locked in, facetime for family and friends, mask, anxiety, Fear, sickness, tears, a longing to be with those you love, a desire to be in that church you always assumed would be open. The Yoga classes, the gym and the work place where it was always such a chore. the schools where our children met, learned and played. This new “normal” has sucked in so many ways. But there have been blessings too. Learning to appreciate what we took for granted. The freedom to see who we wanted when we wanted, the ones who loved being alone then found that having the opportunity to get out taken away made some of us want to reach out. It has made me have such an appreciation for things I just never worried about. I never knew wearing a mask could be so weird but I know how those with cancer must have felt or feel. The blessings have been seeing just how much we will now absorb and breathe in the ability to be able to be free again. So, along with the chaos cam the blessing of learning again how precious life can be.
It is the hardest thing to deal with, in my opinion. I have learned to deal with it, because you never get “over” it. But I swim through some rough waters most of the year. Of course I think of her and her brother every day and I also love the life I have and am grateful for it. I just want them here with me to be a part of it but that cannot be. However, when those birthdays come close or the day of leaving us, it always hits hard. There is no stopping it even when I try not to focus on it. I am not saying this happens to all parents who lose a child but for me it happens. It is hard. Very hard. So hug your kids, enjoy your blessings and pray it never happens to you. Because I WAS you before it happened to ME. * never take for granted. I did.
I sure hope this year is so much better than 2020! That one was a punch in the face with a few kisses (new babies, united couples, recovery for so many, just many things) but here we are now in 2021. I hope to get back on daily and write my heart thoughts and thoughts that bring me laughs again. It got really tough the last of 2020 BUT I did as so many did and struggled through. We are all blessed to be here. I wish you all a very , very HAPPY NEW YEAR!
No matter what your belief, color, political thoughts, profession, etc. I just want to wish everyone a Merry Christmas from me. I hope love is filled in all of our homes and we can grab some positive from somewhere on this Holiday. We are all on the same Island called life and so we can all be united in that if nothing else. I hope for those of us who are mourning that something will bring a smile from someone we miss or something that is bringing us down. so, here is a virtual hug and a smile filled with love from me to you.
I want to get back to more cheerful post but this is a tough time of year for me and 2020 sure has not helped. However, with a lot of stress and that time of year I cry over my daughter ( natural when you lose a child) and she loved the Holidays and then left us in February, three days after Valentines. Soooo, to try and bring some happy that is locked inside of me. So I am doing my exercises and prayer and doing the things needed to help me appreciate my blessings. I am blessed to have this place to come to.
I always think of you my sweet Sara Nicolle. I think of your silliness, your smile, the struggles you overcame with Autism, how you managed to see everything as you grew older with the best point of view. Your optimism even when faced with such hard stuff and you never. gave. up. You were the encouragement that gave me strength so many times. Just watching you take something so hard and turning it around, even the bullies in school. But I have to say, I think this past year might have been a bit much. Even for you. You would not have done well with being stuck at home for months. No company, no going out. A lot of things. It just would have been I think the straw. So, I think of you all of the time and I wish you were here as always but I am glad you didn’t have to battle this past year. Especially now that your Bio dad has Covid and in the Hospital. you would not have even been able to see him. May sound like an oxy-moron but I get it. I love you. Always. Love, mom.