Did you think I don’t see the pain behind the smile?
Did you ever think you have us fooled from the bruises you hide?
Or that we wouldn’t see how the emotional abuse was taking
that spark from your eyes?
How long will you suffer from the hands of abuse?
How long will you ignore our pleas to rescue you?
You are so beautiful. Inside as well as out.
You deserve so much more than what you believe you deserve.
It is not love. It is control.
It is not what I wanted for you.
I wanted to see the shine in your eyes keep glowing
not smothered by the abuse of someone’s hatred.
So, I hope you will find your way back.
I hope you can someday see what I have always known. You are beautiful. But the abuse you live is so ugly.
One day. I hold onto to that. One day.
You will see. I love you.
I do Yoga. I do it to relax me, to help me get in shape to find a place where I can relax but Yoga is hard to me. I mean, I love it but it is a workout. It is not for those who think Yoga is just sitting on the floor and breathing in and out for hours. Nope. Yoga is a form of relaxing but it is also a healthy way to get back in shape but your body will feel it. My family or at least some of them used to laugh at me until I made them try it. They do NOT laugh anymore. I love Yoga, Yoga loves me but sometimes my body hates it and then thanks me later.
So, I define my panic attacks and my anxiety on a separate plain. Because panic attacks bother me worse than anxiety if that makes sense. BUT, I have found with both that trying to keep positive thoughts in my head seem to help a lot. Avoiding people who want to criticize me. Trying to find beauty in anything. I also try to be more positive when I can. Sometimes, during anxiety, I can be hateful and not very kind but it is because I am about to scream in my brain that I am a jello square jiggling all over.
So, that is me and my issues today. so far, pretty good on things! I hope all my fellow strugglers are doing good too!
I loved you
And you hated me.
I hated you
Then you loved me.
I sang for you
You hushed my voice
I became quiet
You asked me to sing.
I wept for your heart
You turned me away.
I turned away
You ran to come get me.
I followed your dreams
You changed them so I could not follow.
So I stopped and then
you told me how to find them.
I finally gave you up
to whatever demons you fought.
Then you finally gave up the demons
To embrace me in your love.
Now I desire it no more.
Sunshine and flowers,
Storms and wind,
Children and laughter,
Old couples together and in love.
New young love and the shine it brings,
Families and joy and togetherness.
Puppies, cats, dogs and kittens,
animals of every kind that we love.
And they love us.
Nature and birds and the call of the wild.
Life, living, love, sorrow, tears
happiness, crying, laughter, hurt
pain, wishes. granted. denied.
hoping, believing, praying, running
to and through the journey….
I have noticed teens around me seem to find love as the new in word. I love him! Been talking on social media for two weeks.. She is my girl, I love her… Been seeing each other around parents for a week…I am really amazed at how quick these young and older teens are just meeting and a week later, “In Love”. Some of these kids have not even met yet thanks to social media.
I wish they could understand that love is a word that carries a lot of weight. There are plenty of people, teens included who have actually fallen in love at first sight, just really felt a heart connection and they are still together. But for most, Love requires a lot of work, struggles, holding out when it is bleak and things seem impossible. I think it has become so common to say I love them that if they switch every week or every few months, they never get to learn the meaning of love and the sacrifice it takes. Just some random thoughts.
I got through. I made it. I did it. Such a chaotic week BUT I was blessed and got through it and even had a bit of fun in there with a cute little sprite and family. So, now I am coming off the adrenaline needed (pure not a drug adrenaline) from the fight or flight and a moment of light headedness like I used to get BUT I just hope that is all there is and that it is okay. 🙂
But the good thing is that a few months ago even, I would have been having daily panic or anxiety melt downs. So, hoping this means the road is getting better on my journey. I sure would love that!