Panic and Positive thoughts….

So, I define my panic attacks and my anxiety on a separate plain. Because panic attacks bother me worse than anxiety if that makes sense. BUT, I have found with both that trying to keep positive thoughts in my head seem to help a lot. Avoiding people who want to criticize me. Trying to find beauty in anything. I also try to be more positive when I can. Sometimes, during anxiety, I can be hateful and not very kind but it is because I am about to scream in my brain that I am a jello square jiggling all over.
So, that is me and my issues today. so far, pretty good on things! I hope all my fellow strugglers are doing good too!


Love & Hate…………….

I loved you
And you hated me.
I hated you
Then you loved me.
I sang for you
You hushed my voice
I became quiet
You asked me to sing.
I wept for your heart
You turned me away.
I turned away
You ran to come get me.
I followed your dreams
You changed them so I could not follow.
So I stopped and then
you told me how to find them.
I finally gave you up
to whatever demons you fought.
Then you finally gave up the demons
To embrace me in your love.
Now I desire it no more.

Life in all of its beauty……..

Sunshine and flowers,
Storms and wind,
Children and laughter,
Old couples together and in love.
New young love and the shine it brings,
Families and joy and togetherness.
Puppies, cats, dogs and kittens,
animals of every kind that we love.
And they love us.
Nature and birds and the call of the wild.
Life, living, love, sorrow, tears
happiness, crying, laughter, hurt
pain, wishes. granted. denied.
hoping, believing, praying, running
to and through the journey….
Of Life.

Love with a person is the new “in” word for teens…

I have noticed teens around me seem to find love as the new in word. I love him! Been talking on social media for two weeks.. She is my girl, I love her… Been seeing each other around parents for a week…I am really amazed at how quick these young and older teens are just meeting and a week later, “In Love”. Some of these kids have not even met yet thanks to social media.
I wish they could understand that love is a word that carries a lot of weight. There are plenty of people, teens included who have actually fallen in love at first sight, just really felt a heart connection and they are still together. But for most, Love requires a lot of work, struggles, holding out when it is bleak and things seem impossible. I think it has become so common to say I love them that if they switch every week or every few months, they never get to learn the meaning of love and the sacrifice it takes. Just some random thoughts.

Taking my mental break after a week of chaos….

I got through. I made it. I did it. Such a chaotic week BUT I was blessed and got through it and even had a bit of fun in there with a cute little sprite and family. So, now I am coming off the adrenaline needed (pure not a drug adrenaline) from the fight or flight and a moment of light headedness like I used to get BUT I just hope that is all there is and that it is okay. 🙂
But the good thing is that a few months ago even, I would have been having daily panic or anxiety melt downs. So, hoping this means the road is getting better on my journey. I sure would love that!

Anxiety Central has been calmer this week…… Even through stress!

It has been an ugly, stressful week. Things have been hard, chaotic and I thought a few times that the anxiety and panic attacks were coming BUT, it did not happen but once. Well, it is only Wednesday but this has been since last Friday. Even the one time it happened I was able to control it in time.
This is the kind of anxiety that usually shoots me through the roof. Non stop chaos and people trying to really push when they know I am tense. But I am so glad, that, thus far, I have been able to get through it! There is HOPE! I just wanted to share with my friends here!

The little dog……………..

Buddy. The little dog
13 years old and still little and I love him.
He is a friend
a loyal dog who is by my side at all times when I am home
He is sweet
gets scared of everything
A ray of sunshine in my life.
He is one of the greatest pet gifts ever given to me.
He is The little dog that loves.