It has been a few years since you died. I used to not even be able to say that word but do now because you did. You took a piece of my heart with you. This time of year is hard because you loved Holidays. I laugh, I enjoy your nieces and i enjoy life but it does not change the loss of you. My heart still cries and I still cry. Not everyday but I think of you everyday.
People say I changed well yeah. I did. I lost something worth more than any money in the World. I lost you. I am blessed to have your sister and her precious babies. you would have been the best Aunt ever. I laugh with them. The oldest 12, knows all about you and she even writes you notes and ask about your life. The baby is only 15 months so of course she doesn’t yet. Your sister misses having someone to talk to. I miss your laughter and how you never took life so seriously. Little things were that. Nothing to stress over.
You had challenges with Autism but you made it through struggle after struggle. I am a bit harsher now with life. I am not the old me. but I don’t have to be. the “new” me that came a bit after you died saw life from a different view. I still love, I still feel blessed with your sister and family but I will get “over” losing you. I love you. Always. Love, mom.
I was feeling great, getting back to writing and then woke over week ago with intense pain and had to go to the Hospital. I knew I had Crohn’s but four years of Holistic meds( after Doctor’s methods caused bad reactions) and etc. I was doing great and I was thinking maybe they misdiagnosed me. Then it hit. I had to take antibiotics where it had given me an infection. I am better now or at least it seems that way but wow, I realized how harsh it can be. Now, hopefully I can get back on track with my daily musings that I use to help with anxiety and more. So, Yoga has been slow but I can do a little. I am using a small bit of Tai Chi and of course a lot of prayer.
So much has changed in this new “normal”. Locked in, facetime for family and friends, mask, anxiety, Fear, sickness, tears, a longing to be with those you love, a desire to be in that church you always assumed would be open. The Yoga classes, the gym and the work place where it was always such a chore. the schools where our children met, learned and played. This new “normal” has sucked in so many ways. But there have been blessings too. Learning to appreciate what we took for granted. The freedom to see who we wanted when we wanted, the ones who loved being alone then found that having the opportunity to get out taken away made some of us want to reach out. It has made me have such an appreciation for things I just never worried about. I never knew wearing a mask could be so weird but I know how those with cancer must have felt or feel. The blessings have been seeing just how much we will now absorb and breathe in the ability to be able to be free again. So, along with the chaos cam the blessing of learning again how precious life can be.
WOW! I have had a LOT of family hit with Covid the last month or so and now another one this week. This is a horrible thing for them and it is scary. Some do great and whip through while others are having a harder time. So I have been focusing on that and I am just too mentally drained to write. This is such a hard situation. You go loco if you try to be cautious and stay away from people and places but then I have seen first hand where going out or just even using every pre-caution you can they still got it. I am ready for this bad boy to hang up its guns and go away!
I sure hope this year is so much better than 2020! That one was a punch in the face with a few kisses (new babies, united couples, recovery for so many, just many things) but here we are now in 2021. I hope to get back on daily and write my heart thoughts and thoughts that bring me laughs again. It got really tough the last of 2020 BUT I did as so many did and struggled through. We are all blessed to be here. I wish you all a very , very HAPPY NEW YEAR!
It has just been tough. Due to immunity issues I am still home bound for now. I have been doing Yoga, Prayer, meditation, essential oils, and just about anything to keep me off this stupid anxiety but it is really hard. Then, as usual, I over think things a 1,000 to a million times. haha. I am doing okay but just honestly, a tough one but I am still counting my blessings as I battle my mind.
I have just an ups and down last few days. Weeks actually. Some good and some bad. I battle this anxiety and then I feel like I have it mastered. I control it and then I get really anxious. It is such a battle as I try to be happy and then it hits again and I am just so angry that it attacks and interferes with my ability to enjoy things without fear.
It is CALLED ANXIETY. I HATE it but I battle on.
I need to do sleep. I will be exhausted and then get to bed and boom! Wide awake then exhausted all day. ugh. I am on a roll to try and find any and all remedies. I cut back on coffee, eating too late, no sugar, tried working out early and later. I think I have tried every method I could find. I just wonder if any of you have this issue…. I am so tired I am not even sure if I am writing this correctly! super ugh. And to follow your dreams you kind of have to sleep. hahahahahaha
Do you ever notice how the media constantly changes the way our health can benefit from this or that? I know they get it from other sources but one year coffee is great, six months later it is harmful, eat three full meals a day, do not eat over two meals a day. Try using these spices, they will boost your health and then a few months later, these spices are bad but these are good. It just goes on and on. From our choices of meats or vegetables, coffee, tea, etc. I have just come to the conclusion that we should eat when our stomachs say we are hungry and forget what the news say’s. It is too much like being on a merry-go-round. So I say, Just eat and stop when you are full. Yeah. Have a great day!