Why can’t I control this panic and anxiety? Why am I a prisoner of my own mind? I do yoga, I pray, I try all the techniques and still there are days when I cannot escape the walls of this mental prison.
I have days that are great and I have a few days here and there where my mind traps me in this anxiety. It haunts my mind and it drives me to depths of anxiety that are just so frustrating.
I can function, I can do all the things i always do but it sets in motion the anxiety, the worry, the over thinking, the stress and it bothers me. I try to stay positive and I try to concentrate on anything but the ANXIETY. And yet, there it pops up again.
I know I will overcome it but it didn’t even exist until three years ago and when it hit, it hit hard. Since then, it has been much much better than in the beginning, but even one day a month is enough to make me want to cry. But I keep fighting and I face it and I deal with it. But I still do NOT like it.
I was reading one of my books last night and I realized part of my anxiety was as the book said, we tend to live in the past which causes us anxiety when things have changed. That you have to let the past stay where it was and go on. That is why I am blessed and happy to be able to have been offered this opportunity to work with addicted newborns.
It is voluntary at first and then I will take it from there. They need nurturing and a lot of holding because they are going through painful withdrawals. I go and rock and talk to them and comfort them and then try to help ease their pain with love.
I think and hope it will not only help them but me to live in the moment of helping an innocent baby who needs me. I can then let go of all past things (not forgetting but letting go) and realize, I hope, that these little babies need the love I give my grandson and granddaughter. I have to realize the old saying also from AA.
I have to accept the things I cannot change, change things that can be changed and the wisdom to know the difference. That was just part of the AA slogan but since I have never been that is all I can remember from reading about it. I cannot hold on to people who do want to be a part of my life. Just love them. And let go. You cannot force compassion, love or someone loving you. they either do or they don’t . They will have compassion or they will judge. They will think they are above you being in their life or have you in it as little as possible. So, instead of letting that bother me, God Willing, I will hopefully, learn to let all that go and live for the ones who need me as much as I need them.
I have not been able to access my word press but now it seems to be working and I was able to get on this morning. I thought maybe it had been hacked but I really have no clue. So….. happy now that I HOPE all is normal again!
Ugh! I have no clue what this is but yuch! Try to write when feeling a bit better. So yuch.
I consider all forms of creating, art. Therefore I love.
Thanks to all my fellow bloggers! so many offer encouragement like today from noelleg44! I am glad some of my blogs encourage and I am glad some of them are real and about life and i am glad some of you are drawn to my silly stuff!
I want you to know that you, likewise encourage me and I love your blogs and try to keep updated although some days i get a lot read and somedays I am working on things and cannot.
Either way, I thank you all and may we all continue to lift each other up and help each other when we are down! have a great day!
Now 36, she was used to all kids of weird things happening but the rat attacking her had put a really bad taste to her day. However, it would only be later that she realized how blessed she truly was. The Journalist, Ronald Simp, went home, got his wife Maurita, a teacher at the local school and had her take him to the hospital. He was treated and released after being given a rabies vaccine until he could go back and try and find the rat. Until then he would have to come back for rabies treatment.
The time of infection was different for each person. The nurse, Andrina, was infected when Ronald’s open wound got on a cut she had that had not fully healed and she was often absent minded about putting on her surgical gloves with patients. It took 3 hours before she began running a high fever. She was going to call off and go home but the hospital was filling up with sick patients and she had never seen so many at once so she decided to stay. Andrina worked, attended to patients and passed along the infection to some who might have survived but she was coughing and it in turn infected them, most of whom were not immune. Neither was she. When the infection finally affected her, she was helping a doctor stitch a wound while he checked two other patients, and the heat came on. Within minutes, she had attacked the Doctor.
Ronald Simp, the Journalist, took 7 hours and while having relations with his wife, bit her on the neck but since this was not unusual in their routine, she just thought he bit a little harder than usual. While she was at school the next day, her husband became fully infected and was the first in his neighborhood to attack someone when he was brought a mail delivery. The mail carrier, Richard Townsley, was bored and hot, waiting for someone to answer the door. It was his last delivery for the day and he was tired and at 300 lbs. sweating profusely. He hated the job but it paid good so he kept it. He was strumming his fingers on the box he was delivering when the man opened the door.
Richard stepped back without realizing it when he saw the mans crazed look and his eyes that were red and a dark purplish color on the pupils. He was about to drop the box and run when the man grabbed him and ripped his throat open with his teeth and then drank the sprouting blood. Ronald then ran out of the house, looking for fresh blood. As for Mack Buyer, he was immune but not fully.. He was now a carrier for as long as he had a fever. When his fever let up his immunity would kick in.