“Christians” or at least many of them in this day and time and believers…. There is a difference.

And you call yourself a Christian?
How many times have you heard someone say that? Well, My answer is. No. I call myself a believer of God and Jesus Christ. Today, I associate that word Christian with the pharisees of the Bible. Why? Because most of today’s “Christians” love if you love, they are kind if you are kind and never make a mistake. They do forgive if you beg after you have “offended” or “hurt” them but it takes a lot to get their saintly forgiveness. They love to gossip in the name of “Let’s pray for THAT one. They got issues. They like to helpful to those they choose. God forbid you have an emotional, spiritual or childhood trauma that may cause you to be “different”.
Then you are rejected (they don’t say it, they just do not speak or acknowledge your existence). They find the many specks in your eyes but not the planks blinding theirs. If you are emotionally at a weak stat and you lash out in hurt from what they wounded you with, then YOU are the “Monster” who needs help. Saints like these people cannot possibly have that toxin in their lives. Well, “Christians”, here is what the Bible says. Maybe you review your scripture a little better because churches are failing with the onslaught of perfect “Christians”. Try out these verses:

Matthew 6:9-15
1 John 1:9-10
Matthew 6:14-15
Luke 17:3-4
Ephesians 4:31-32
Matthew 5:43-48 43″You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ 44But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, 45that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. 46If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? 47And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? 48Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.
Luke 6:27-36
bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. “But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return; and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High; for He Himself is kind to ungrateful and evil men. “But I say to you who hear, love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, read more.
“Whoever hits you on the cheek, offer him the other also; and whoever takes away your coat, do not withhold your shirt from him either. “Give to everyone who asks of you, and whoever takes away what is yours, do not demand it back. “Treat others the same way you want them to treat you. “If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. “If you do good to those who do good to you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners do the same. “If you lend to those from whom you expect to receive, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners in order to receive back the same amount. “Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.
Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God.

Romans 12:14-21
Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep. Be of the same mind toward one another; do not be haughty in mind, but associate with the lowly Do not be wise in your own estimation
So, I left some Bible verses to be read because most will not even read them. So, For me, I am a believer and a follower of God who fails everyday but I forgive, I love, I try and I am human.

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The difficult life of Anxiety….. Why we feel alone.

They will never understand. They will never try to understand or they just can’t. Depression, anxiety, panic, alone or the feeling of it, is not contagious. But here we are, one day doing great and the next, falling apart. We try and struggle. Do they think we chose this or understand why we are going through it all? It is like a pit viper who catches you off guard when you stumble upon it.
We never asked for this and God knows we battle the demons that seek us out. We laugh through the pain, we cry alone and we search for anything to help us to get through. We seek love and acceptance from those who refuse to see that we ARE different and we NEED to be understood or at least loved through dark moments.
But sometimes, if people cannot see an illness, they do not get it. But most of all, in this world today, we have to be happy, smiling and ready to be “cured” because life is about being perfect. No, life is about reality and accepting that someone you love may be different because Life has made them different through different circumstances. We just need people to say hey, maybe I do not understand but here, let me hold your hand so you know you are not alone in this battle.

A day in the life of Humans with anxiety..

We are so complicated, each of us unique in our way. But the more I watch people, myself included, I realize we are all unique yet alike in many ways. We say we could care less but we do care. Somewhere deep inside, we really do. We hide our feelings and some of us express them maybe too much but others bottle them up until they explode like a volcano until it explodes.
We forgive but some forgive and hold on while some of us forgive and get hurt over and over but we still do it. We laugh when we want to cry or cry when we want to laugh. We wish people understood what we go through but when we try to explain it, they just cannot understand even when they try.
Our world is a chaotic, upside down, fairground where anything can happen. We can and most of us do control it but when the fear sets in it is real.And it hits in so many different ways. Mine is usually with people. I know for me, I have a hard time telling when someone is mad or it is just my over thinking mind telling me that.
We are unique yes, but we are also some of the most compassionate humans who want love and be loved on the planet. Because we know and face fear or run from it everyday. We live in a large multi colored bubble of feelings and we battle it everyday.

I just don’t have many words or know what to say about this last month.

I have had so many ups and downs with anxiety this month and trying to re-direct my mind and strange feelings in my body I just don’t know where to begin. The anxiety meds were the same brand but from a different manufacturer. (Found that out from Pharmacist) so that has made for a painful month. Edgy, worried, the meds made me usual but usually they just keep anxiety and panic away.
So I tried a variety of different things and of course, few worked but some did. i even tried the new CALM app. It is good but you know anxiety. I almost had a panic attack. I have not slept well because I am overthinking everything. all. night. long.Sooooo, needless to say, my advice is always, always ask your pharmacist if your same brand meds are from the same manufacturer you usually get them from.
However, so far, i am toughing it out. Just so very frustrating. ugh. lol.

When your child grows up and has a child and you become an alien to them….. Like an alien invaded their parent’s mind and now there is a stranger in front of them.

When you have a child, you wonder where your parents minds went. What happened to the strict, sometimes overbearing, because I said so,  clean your room or get it together, and on and on parent. or maybe just you got a laid back parents that thought everything you did was cool. Either way, you grow up and have a child. Suddenly that SAME person is like in love with your kid. The baby is perfect, the baby is beautiful, oh that sweet innocent baby that is crying all night and your pulling your hair out and your parent is like, it’s just a baby, they can’t help it. They can’t tell you what they need. ( you don’t know how many times the same person felt like pulling their hair out when you screamed all night haha ).

Then the baby becomes a toddler and nothing it seems they do is wrong. “Oh, their just learning, babies scream, tantrums are normal, let them be themselves and well, by now you know them all. Of course, when you were a toddler, your own parents were at a loss as to what to do or maybe you were one of those rare perfect toddlers who had not a care and was easy going.

Then pre-school and kindergarten. Your little angel is suddenly a bit defiant, maybe strong headed, wanting to do it themselves and maybe they just do everything you say when you ask but either way, here steps in your parent. AGAIN. It is fine, they are just getting to know themselves, they are just three, four, or five, you should have more patience, etc. Never mind that at that age these same alien parents were correcting you and guiding you and so on.

Well, here it is moms and dads. What happened?  You finally grew up, left home, and they missed you. They missed hearing the laughter and all the kid things and the teen quircks and all that stuff . Even the battles that teens and parents go through. Then YOU, their, child have a child and they realize all the things they missed. The joy of watching you grow day by day because their job was to guide you into life but they missed being able to enjoy it.

NOW, they can laugh with this little one, enjoy the things they missed, no worries on correction (well sometimes they have to but not as much) They can make up for the mistakes they felt they made with you and they can love without worrying about the little ones life being screwed up. They can do things with them they couldn’t with you because of schedules and work and games and etc. They can be the cushion when your child is mad at you because they know both sides now.

So what happened? Nothing really. They just discovered how free it can be to love without having to worry about whether that child is perfect or not because no one is. They learned that that beautiful little being is a part of you and because of that, they don’t want to miss a thing. Because they loved and love you first and this is their babies baby.

So for them, not haywire just awakened.

Grandparents… A beautiful life

The life of a grandparent can be funny, happy, difficult and it falls into so many categories that is hard to name them all. But one rings out. Joy. Your baby has a baby now. Then maybe another and another and another and whether you have one child or ten, most will have those beautiful little aliens we call grandchildren.

So different, so unique, so beautiful and yet so different from having a child. Your child. NOW, you are on the sidelines, watching your child raise theirs and hoping you taught them all the right things but this or these little ones you love so much. But your role of raising is over so now you watch.

The joy of a grandparent is we for the most part, get to spoil and love this group. It is no longer our job to sweat it out on how to be sure they grow up right because we don’t have that option. So we love, cuddle and try to be a positive happy force in their life.

You also have different kinds of grandparents. Some cannot get enough (me) and some want to love and enjoy but now it is their time to do what they want to do so they do it. Vacations, lunches, and etc. etc. That is cool too. They have that right. The not so great grandparents who act like their kid never had a kid, so it is not their job to help or really do anything but see the grandchild occasionally.

Some of us cringe when they get disciplined. Yes, we had to do it but we feel powerless seeing this tiny creature have to be disciplined for their actions. We see our mistakes with our kids in some of the parenting our kids do to theirs. Then we feel the guilt or pride, depending on how well they do with our little “peeps”. Regardless it is a whole new world no matter how you approach it and it is a whole new part of our lives. As for me, I love it. I love my little “peeps” and I love watching them grow. I hope all grandparents feel the same.