Yesterday I was humbled by love. I made a Birthday cake for my sister. I hated it but my brother in law had so desperately wanted to get that cake made in time. But work, passing schedules and everything seemed it was not to be. I had the cake mix and items that had been purchased on my table so i decided to try and do it for him so my sis could have her cake.
I made it and I fussed at it and hated it because I couldn’t get the writing to come out of the tube right and I usually use my baggie and icing. Besides, I thought, “WHY is she going to care about this dumb stupid cake with so much going on?” I had given her her present and I figured she would probably just fling it out the window anyway when she had it was so horribly made. I was ill because i can make some pretty cakes but I just didn’t have the stuff needed yesterday.
She came by later and I ran out to the car to give her this thing of a cake and braced myself for the look of a pretend smile and trying not to hurt my feelings when she saw the hideous thing before her. She didn’t. She cried and thought it the most beautiful cake ever! She cried that my bro in law had wanted her to have it so bad and it got made. ON her Birthday.
I realized then that sometimes what we think is a horrible gift or something someone may not even want actually may be the one thing that “at that moment” is just what they need. I realized that all my fussing was worth every minute to realize how much a brown cake meant to my sister. And now I know why we, as humans, need each other. LOVE. A simple act of trying to show kindness can be just what the doctor ordered at that time.
So, next time you are looking for the “perfect gift”. it may come in the form of a brown cake, a hug, sharing tears, being there, or just saying I love you. Maybe it could be an act of showing up to help someone in whatever area of need they may have. No matter how small. Yesterday I felt humble. Thank you God for helping to remember how that feels.
Why can’t I control this panic and anxiety? Why am I a prisoner of my own mind? I do yoga, I pray, I try all the techniques and still there are days when I cannot escape the walls of this mental prison.
I have days that are great and I have a few days here and there where my mind traps me in this anxiety. It haunts my mind and it drives me to depths of anxiety that are just so frustrating.
I can function, I can do all the things i always do but it sets in motion the anxiety, the worry, the over thinking, the stress and it bothers me. I try to stay positive and I try to concentrate on anything but the ANXIETY. And yet, there it pops up again.
I know I will overcome it but it didn’t even exist until three years ago and when it hit, it hit hard. Since then, it has been much much better than in the beginning, but even one day a month is enough to make me want to cry. But I keep fighting and I face it and I deal with it. But I still do NOT like it.
I was reading one of my books last night and I realized part of my anxiety was as the book said, we tend to live in the past which causes us anxiety when things have changed. That you have to let the past stay where it was and go on. That is why I am blessed and happy to be able to have been offered this opportunity to work with addicted newborns.
It is voluntary at first and then I will take it from there. They need nurturing and a lot of holding because they are going through painful withdrawals. I go and rock and talk to them and comfort them and then try to help ease their pain with love.
I think and hope it will not only help them but me to live in the moment of helping an innocent baby who needs me. I can then let go of all past things (not forgetting but letting go) and realize, I hope, that these little babies need the love I give my grandson and granddaughter. I have to realize the old saying also from AA.
I have to accept the things I cannot change, change things that can be changed and the wisdom to know the difference. That was just part of the AA slogan but since I have never been that is all I can remember from reading about it. I cannot hold on to people who do want to be a part of my life. Just love them. And let go. You cannot force compassion, love or someone loving you. they either do or they don’t . They will have compassion or they will judge. They will think they are above you being in their life or have you in it as little as possible. So, instead of letting that bother me, God Willing, I will hopefully, learn to let all that go and live for the ones who need me as much as I need them.
I have not been able to access my word press but now it seems to be working and I was able to get on this morning. I thought maybe it had been hacked but I really have no clue. So….. happy now that I HOPE all is normal again!
Ugh! I have no clue what this is but yuch! Try to write when feeling a bit better. So yuch.
I consider all forms of creating, art. Therefore I love.
Thanks to all my fellow bloggers! so many offer encouragement like today from noelleg44! I am glad some of my blogs encourage and I am glad some of them are real and about life and i am glad some of you are drawn to my silly stuff!
I want you to know that you, likewise encourage me and I love your blogs and try to keep updated although some days i get a lot read and somedays I am working on things and cannot.
Either way, I thank you all and may we all continue to lift each other up and help each other when we are down! have a great day!