The Panic Train….. Get your ticket

Already have my ticket on this train.
It consumes me as I watch life pass by
Then it drops me off
and I live life with out it
But it issues a ticket on a new day
So I can watch as I hide in my seat.
Like a carousel
On and off again.
Almost like a friend because it is always there
But a mortal enemy for the damage it does.
Fighting and winning
Battles I sometimes lose.
This train is a crazy one.
But maybe as I trudge along on the ride,
I will learn the only ticket I need
Is freedom for it so I can live without boarding
This crazy panic train.

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The last few days have been good and bad….

I have just an ups and down last few days. Weeks actually. Some good and some bad. I battle this anxiety and then I feel like I have it mastered. I control it and then I get really anxious. It is such a battle as I try to be happy and then it hits again and I am just so angry that it attacks and interferes with my ability to enjoy things without fear.
It is CALLED ANXIETY. I HATE it but I battle on.

Learning to overcome…..

I am learning to overcome things that make me anxious, learning being the key word. I do great and then it seems that tiny things will cause me to stumble. So, I am just bumbling along on my journey, enjoying some great days and then falling down when I have days that every tiny thing will make me fall down.
But I AM learning and I AM trying so I see that as a fantastic step up from where I was a year ago! I know those who suffer from panic and anxiety like I do will understand how hard this walk is and how strong you have to try and be to overcome it. Maybe I can overcome this but if not, maybe I can learn to live with it a little bit better. Have a great evening!

Women & Beauty…………..

Women are often, too often, defined by their outer beauty. That is natural I assume as the human eye is attracted to what it has been trained to see as beauty. But what if we could only see the persons inner beauty before we ever saw their face? I know men are judged by their looks also but this is just about us women. What if we met, talked or socialized only by means of not being able to see the face or body and then after a few of these occasions, we met in person.
Would we be dismissed if we were not as beautiful as our voice sounded or the mental image did not meet the physical? What if someone just adored us from talking or messaging because we had a beautiful heart but then they met us and never contacted us again because they were agitated that we were not what they thought?
I think the greatest thing would be no matter what we looked like when we met, they had fallen in love with our heart and soul so what they saw was the beauty from inside that made them see beautiful outside NO MATTER how they had visualized us before.

LOVE & INSANITY………

Copyright 2015 L.S. Rockel

Such a fine line between the two. What defines the difference?

Insanity is an escape from reality, a journey that most never tread.

So does Love.

Love is harsh, yet it comforts, give hope even if at times it causes delusions of not seeing thing as they really are.

So does Insanity.

Insanity keeps you from accepting certain truths and can drive you to the brink.

So does Love.

Love demands, it gives, it takes and it waits for redemption.

So does Insanity.

Most never cross the line that somewhere defines the two.

For the ones who do, they will probably never know the difference.

When we really Listen…..

Close your eyes, stop your thoughts

And just listen

What do you hear? Is it voices? Is it rain?

Is it oceans waves as they rush onto the sand?

Is it cars as they bustle about on their busy day?

Maybe it is babies crying or children laughing

Dogs barking or a cat with its mellow meow.

Is it the sound of war, crime or hate?

If you listen soft enough, you will hear other sounds as well.

The unbroken symphony of the one you love

The heartbeat of angels or the song of the hurt

The anger of the broken or the whisper of goodbye.

All of the things we miss

Because we never listen. L.S. Rockel

If you don’t understand at least show you love them..

We ALL go through bumps in the road, chaos, and so many things and for some of us it is a little different. We have lost children, suffer from anxiety or other things that cannot be seen like a physical illness but that is when I have been shunned the most. How many TIMES do I have to say, YOU do not understand and I am not asking you to but PLEASE over look the times I freak out or I am going through depression and be there as opposed to writing me off because I should not have “acted” that way and you cannot take it anymore.
Along with my issues, I am also the first one to jump when someone needs help or is hurting or needs a friend. I wish sometimes I had people who say they love me who would do the same for me but I have been just cast out of the “group” because I am too overly emotional and it is affecting their happiness. So sad because when they need me, they find a reason to come running back. I do not fit in anymore but it really showed me the difference in my loyalty and theirs. I would still be there if they called and said they needed me.