I know you don’t like me but why?

I know you don’t like and many others don’t either but I don’t understand why. Is it because I am honest and say what I think? Is it because I can read people pretty well and you are aloof because you think I will see you for what you are? Maybe I see you as a really good person. Maybe I see you as hurting like me. Is that so bad?
Is it because I do anything I can for anyone? Yes, I am used by some people need me and shunned when they don’t many times but I am aware of it. I just choose to accept it. I am not dumb or just oblivious to what they are doing. I. just. accept. it. That does not make me a bad person. No, I am not fake. What you see is what you get but I guess if I am not with the “in people” of today, I am just too much. Why? Because I express my pain or hurt? Because I cry sometimes? Because I do not agree with everything you say or do? I don’t judge you. I just don’t agree with it and you can disagree with me and that is okay.
But still, you don’t like me. Why? I just do not understand.

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A day in the life of Humans with anxiety..

We are so complicated, each of us unique in our way. But the more I watch people, myself included, I realize we are all unique yet alike in many ways. We say we could care less but we do care. Somewhere deep inside, we really do. We hide our feelings and some of us express them maybe too much but others bottle them up until they explode like a volcano until it explodes.
We forgive but some forgive and hold on while some of us forgive and get hurt over and over but we still do it. We laugh when we want to cry or cry when we want to laugh. We wish people understood what we go through but when we try to explain it, they just cannot understand even when they try.
Our world is a chaotic, upside down, fairground where anything can happen. We can and most of us do control it but when the fear sets in it is real.And it hits in so many different ways. Mine is usually with people. I know for me, I have a hard time telling when someone is mad or it is just my over thinking mind telling me that.
We are unique yes, but we are also some of the most compassionate humans who want love and be loved on the planet. Because we know and face fear or run from it everyday. We live in a large multi colored bubble of feelings and we battle it everyday.

Grandparents… A beautiful life

The life of a grandparent can be funny, happy, difficult and it falls into so many categories that is hard to name them all. But one rings out. Joy. Your baby has a baby now. Then maybe another and another and another and whether you have one child or ten, most will have those beautiful little aliens we call grandchildren.

So different, so unique, so beautiful and yet so different from having a child. Your child. NOW, you are on the sidelines, watching your child raise theirs and hoping you taught them all the right things but this or these little ones you love so much. But your role of raising is over so now you watch.

The joy of a grandparent is we for the most part, get to spoil and love this group. It is no longer our job to sweat it out on how to be sure they grow up right because we don’t have that option. So we love, cuddle and try to be a positive happy force in their life.

You also have different kinds of grandparents. Some cannot get enough (me) and some want to love and enjoy but now it is their time to do what they want to do so they do it. Vacations, lunches, and etc. etc. That is cool too. They have that right. The not so great grandparents who act like their kid never had a kid, so it is not their job to help or really do anything but see the grandchild occasionally.

Some of us cringe when they get disciplined. Yes, we had to do it but we feel powerless seeing this tiny creature have to be disciplined for their actions. We see our mistakes with our kids in some of the parenting our kids do to theirs. Then we feel the guilt or pride, depending on how well they do with our little “peeps”. Regardless it is a whole new world no matter how you approach it and it is a whole new part of our lives. As for me, I love it. I love my little “peeps” and I love watching them grow. I hope all grandparents feel the same.

Is Loyalty and standing up wrong?

Is it now wrong to be loyal to people? Is it now a thing of the past where you stand up for what you believe in and for those you love or for those who love you? Why and when did society become so docile that it is all about the mask? I may hate you but I will smile in front of you and act like I care? Then talk trash about you behind your back?
Is it just me and maybe I am wrong? I am loyal and will defend those I love and protect them. I stand up for what I believe in but people do not like that anymore. I am supposed to just be a pin cushion I guess. Used when I am needed and poked and provoked when I am not.
I just wanted some input from my fellow writers and readers. Thanks!

Panic & Anxiety try to kill the Heart and Soul

They do try but we cannot let them or they will destroy us. Think of them as a toxic friend and stay away. That is more I am learning as I learn each day how to battle these monsters.
Get creative. Read, write, concentrate on something at work. pray, meditate, yoga, breathing , singing, listen to music but keep fighting! It is within us! We can do this! It isn’t easy but it can be DONE!

The Search……

We, so many of us, search for the impossible dream.
Only to find it was there all along.
It wasn’t money, it wasn’t fame, it wasn’t popularity or being the best.
It is a smile from someone who cares
The soft flow of a brezze
The kiss and hug from a child
The sound of ocean waves as they roll onto the beach
Laughter
Birds singing a song
Friends
A beautiful world filled with flowers and mountains and so much The joy of being loved.
It is there. We just have to look and the search stops.

Quotes

Two things that can bring you to your knees.
The Power of God.
The death of your child.

The path of life is filled with many roads.
The one you choose,
Will determine how green your grass is.

Family isn’t always a biological thing.
It is who has your back
As opposed to who is tabbing you in it.

Time does not heal all wounds.
It only heals the ability to deal with it.
The Book of Understanding. Kindle. L.S. Rockel