We ALL go through bumps in the road, chaos, and so many things and for some of us it is a little different. We have lost children, suffer from anxiety or other things that cannot be seen like a physical illness but that is when I have been shunned the most. How many TIMES do I have to say, YOU do not understand and I am not asking you to but PLEASE over look the times I freak out or I am going through depression and be there as opposed to writing me off because I should not have “acted” that way and you cannot take it anymore.
Along with my issues, I am also the first one to jump when someone needs help or is hurting or needs a friend. I wish sometimes I had people who say they love me who would do the same for me but I have been just cast out of the “group” because I am too overly emotional and it is affecting their happiness. So sad because when they need me, they find a reason to come running back. I do not fit in anymore but it really showed me the difference in my loyalty and theirs. I would still be there if they called and said they needed me.
It seems like only the “happy” people are liked and accepted these days? Have we become like robots? Do NOT show emotion. that means drama and our lives can only have drama in our little circle we choose. People show not get upset, have a bad day, have an illness or you can as long it shows how much they help for kudos until they bore of it. Or illnesses you cannot see, God forbid you have one of those. NOT ALLOWED!
It just seems like in this day and time or maybe I am around too many perfect people who never make mistakes. But my encounters have been never ever have an issue, need someone, etc. We ALL have good and bad days but it is almost like we should just be smiling robots. IF the re are still, real, humans who do not get mad when you just need compassion, please let me know where they are.
As you all know now, I still suffer from panic and anxiety and through counseling, I learned it is from traumatic events that I blocked away because it came on, oh about 4 and half years ago. When I finally faced the demons of my daughters death, other things surfaced. Things that had happened that I tucked safely away in my mind. I guess her death opened Pandora’s box.
Life goes on and I am happy in so many ways and thankful but till those old ghost come out at times to taunt me. I do not understand it because I try to just let them go but they linger. Having some of my family’s support once they tried to understand has helped a lot but other members that I loved so much just turned their backs and found reasons to blame me for their reason of not being around. Some of it still confuses me.
They came up with anything they could. But, in the long run, I have to get past that, try to live happy and realize some people, family or not just do not care. They live behind their walls of blame and I wish they would be the Christians they say they are but the Bible I read tells me they should be that way. I know I can be difficult when I have these moments but no amount of trying to explain reaches their ears or hearts.
But, I have to go on, enjoy the family that does care and realize that I cannot depend on them but on me and realize not everyone can handle a family member who has “issues”. So, I am but I have to say, it is hard. So, I am just doing it and for those like me, I just wanted you to know, it is okay. We can do it.
I am learning each day to accept me for who I am . Not the mold I am supposed to be but the real, actual me. Sometimes I have anxiety. Sometimes I have anger. Sometimes I laugh and sometimes I cry. I post memes because they make me laugh. I write. I create art. My kind of art. Not what is popular or in the “love” type of the year. I am outspoken but loyal and goodhearted. A bit too sensitive at times and easily get my feelings hurt but then I can be tough. I am strange to some people, I do not easily make friends for reasons I do not understand but I accept it. Because, I am. Me.
Such a fine line between the two. What defines the difference?
Insanity is an escape from reality, a journey that some fear to tread.
So is Love.
Love is harsh, yet comforts, gives hope yet causes delusions.
So does Insanity.
Insanity keeps you from accepting certain truths and drives you to the brink.
So does love.
Love demands loyalty. It gives, it takes, it waits fro redemption.
So does insanity.
Most never cross the fine line that divides the two.
For the ones who do, they may never know the difference.
I fight many battles in life as we all do and some I lose and those are bad days and some I win and those are great days. But I gather strength from God, friends, here most of all, yes, it is true, some family but few. Most do care to be there. Just judge. But as I go along, I realize life is full of battles and we just win as many as we can.
Life is also filled with beauty. The people who show love and compassion (some I have never even met), beautiful blue skies, funny animals, children’s laughter, flowers and nature in general. So I am trying to focus on the beauty, not the battles and I hope for those , like me, you can as well! Have a wonderful day everyone!
I do occasionally put some humor on here, lol, but I started blogging for those people like me who need to hear about lives that are not always happy and glorious and for people who live with the loss of a child or anxiety,
panic or live with someone who has these issues. Autism (my oldest daughter) ADHD, OCD (me) and so we could all relate or maybe someone wanted to knw what it is .
But I also love to read the happy blogs and the blogs about photography and just fun things because they lift me up! I love to see the smiles, the flowers, the gardens or old landmarks and just everything. So, of course in an already dismal world, my page is not as popular as others but I never expected it to be.
But that is what I love about the beauty of blogging. We can all be ourselves and share with each other our realities and our lives.