The Beauty you see in drugs… The reality of what they do…

You are in the happy zone, feeling good, carefree and nothing can bother you.
You are hungry but you don’t know it. if you have kids so are they but you don’t see it.
You feel like the world is so beautiful and wow it is so stress free.
You have rent or a mortgage due, the power is going to be shut off the water was yesterday. But you don’t care. It is not a big deal. you will figure it out.
you drink, you party and you toke and you smoke maybe you shoot or maybe you snort but it is so worth not having to worry about anything.
your friends and family are watching and pleading and begging but you know it is just because they hate you for wanting to feel good.
Finally, you come down for a bit. What happened? why are you being evicted? where are your kids? why is there no heat or air? what day is it? when did you last eat? Something is very wrong here but you cannot figure out why.
It was those beautiful drugs you are addicted to. While you fed your addiction, they stole your life.

The Demons Within……

They take your heart, your life and suck your very soul.
They turn your heart into a one way street where you search for only them.
They take away your family, friends and sometimes…
your life.
They steal your joy, your mind and your happiness
replacing it with fog and hurt and pain.
They haunt you, they hurt you, they deceive you and
you don’t even know it.
They are your worst enemy
but you love them more than anything else.
Drugs.
The Demons Within.

The Panic Train….. Get your ticket…. Flashback..

Already have my ticket on this train.
It consumes me as I watch life pass by
Then it drops me off
and I live life with out it
But it issues a ticket on a new day
So I can watch as I hide in my seat.
Like a carousel
On and off again.
Almost like a friend because it is always there
But a mortal enemy for the damage it does.
Fighting and winning
Battles I sometimes lose.
This train is a crazy one.
But maybe as I trudge along on the ride,
I will learn the only ticket I need
Is freedom for it so I can live without boarding
This crazy panic train.

The last few days have been good and bad….

I have just an ups and down last few days. Weeks actually. Some good and some bad. I battle this anxiety and then I feel like I have it mastered. I control it and then I get really anxious. It is such a battle as I try to be happy and then it hits again and I am just so angry that it attacks and interferes with my ability to enjoy things without fear.
It is CALLED ANXIETY. I HATE it but I battle on.

Learning to overcome…..

I am learning to overcome things that make me anxious, learning being the key word. I do great and then it seems that tiny things will cause me to stumble. So, I am just bumbling along on my journey, enjoying some great days and then falling down when I have days that every tiny thing will make me fall down.
But I AM learning and I AM trying so I see that as a fantastic step up from where I was a year ago! I know those who suffer from panic and anxiety like I do will understand how hard this walk is and how strong you have to try and be to overcome it. Maybe I can overcome this but if not, maybe I can learn to live with it a little bit better. Have a great evening!

Women & Beauty…………..

Women are often, too often, defined by their outer beauty. That is natural I assume as the human eye is attracted to what it has been trained to see as beauty. But what if we could only see the persons inner beauty before we ever saw their face? I know men are judged by their looks also but this is just about us women. What if we met, talked or socialized only by means of not being able to see the face or body and then after a few of these occasions, we met in person.
Would we be dismissed if we were not as beautiful as our voice sounded or the mental image did not meet the physical? What if someone just adored us from talking or messaging because we had a beautiful heart but then they met us and never contacted us again because they were agitated that we were not what they thought?
I think the greatest thing would be no matter what we looked like when we met, they had fallen in love with our heart and soul so what they saw was the beauty from inside that made them see beautiful outside NO MATTER how they had visualized us before.

LOVE & INSANITY………

Copyright 2015 L.S. Rockel

Such a fine line between the two. What defines the difference?

Insanity is an escape from reality, a journey that most never tread.

So does Love.

Love is harsh, yet it comforts, give hope even if at times it causes delusions of not seeing thing as they really are.

So does Insanity.

Insanity keeps you from accepting certain truths and can drive you to the brink.

So does Love.

Love demands, it gives, it takes and it waits for redemption.

So does Insanity.

Most never cross the line that somewhere defines the two.

For the ones who do, they will probably never know the difference.