I am learning to overcome things that make me anxious, learning being the key word. I do great and then it seems that tiny things will cause me to stumble. So, I am just bumbling along on my journey, enjoying some great days and then falling down when I have days that every tiny thing will make me fall down.
But I AM learning and I AM trying so I see that as a fantastic step up from where I was a year ago! I know those who suffer from panic and anxiety like I do will understand how hard this walk is and how strong you have to try and be to overcome it. Maybe I can overcome this but if not, maybe I can learn to live with it a little bit better. Have a great evening!
Women are often, too often, defined by their outer beauty. That is natural I assume as the human eye is attracted to what it has been trained to see as beauty. But what if we could only see the persons inner beauty before we ever saw their face? I know men are judged by their looks also but this is just about us women. What if we met, talked or socialized only by means of not being able to see the face or body and then after a few of these occasions, we met in person.
Would we be dismissed if we were not as beautiful as our voice sounded or the mental image did not meet the physical? What if someone just adored us from talking or messaging because we had a beautiful heart but then they met us and never contacted us again because they were agitated that we were not what they thought?
I think the greatest thing would be no matter what we looked like when we met, they had fallen in love with our heart and soul so what they saw was the beauty from inside that made them see beautiful outside NO MATTER how they had visualized us before.
Copyright 2015 L.S. Rockel
Such a fine line between the two. What defines the difference?
Insanity is an escape from reality, a journey that most never tread.
So does Love.
Love is harsh, yet it comforts, give hope even if at times it causes delusions of not seeing thing as they really are.
So does Insanity.
Insanity keeps you from accepting certain truths and can drive you to the brink.
So does Love.
Love demands, it gives, it takes and it waits for redemption.
So does Insanity.
Most never cross the line that somewhere defines the two.
For the ones who do, they will probably never know the difference.
Close your eyes, stop your thoughts
And just listen
What do you hear? Is it voices? Is it rain?
Is it oceans waves as they rush onto the sand?
Is it cars as they bustle about on their busy day?
Maybe it is babies crying or children laughing
Dogs barking or a cat with its mellow meow.
Is it the sound of war, crime or hate?
If you listen soft enough, you will hear other sounds as well.
The unbroken symphony of the one you love
The heartbeat of angels or the song of the hurt
The anger of the broken or the whisper of goodbye.
All of the things we miss
Because we never listen. L.S. Rockel
We ALL go through bumps in the road, chaos, and so many things and for some of us it is a little different. We have lost children, suffer from anxiety or other things that cannot be seen like a physical illness but that is when I have been shunned the most. How many TIMES do I have to say, YOU do not understand and I am not asking you to but PLEASE over look the times I freak out or I am going through depression and be there as opposed to writing me off because I should not have “acted” that way and you cannot take it anymore.
Along with my issues, I am also the first one to jump when someone needs help or is hurting or needs a friend. I wish sometimes I had people who say they love me who would do the same for me but I have been just cast out of the “group” because I am too overly emotional and it is affecting their happiness. So sad because when they need me, they find a reason to come running back. I do not fit in anymore but it really showed me the difference in my loyalty and theirs. I would still be there if they called and said they needed me.
It seems like only the “happy” people are liked and accepted these days? Have we become like robots? Do NOT show emotion. that means drama and our lives can only have drama in our little circle we choose. People show not get upset, have a bad day, have an illness or you can as long it shows how much they help for kudos until they bore of it. Or illnesses you cannot see, God forbid you have one of those. NOT ALLOWED!
It just seems like in this day and time or maybe I am around too many perfect people who never make mistakes. But my encounters have been never ever have an issue, need someone, etc. We ALL have good and bad days but it is almost like we should just be smiling robots. IF the re are still, real, humans who do not get mad when you just need compassion, please let me know where they are.
As you all know now, I still suffer from panic and anxiety and through counseling, I learned it is from traumatic events that I blocked away because it came on, oh about 4 and half years ago. When I finally faced the demons of my daughters death, other things surfaced. Things that had happened that I tucked safely away in my mind. I guess her death opened Pandora’s box.
Life goes on and I am happy in so many ways and thankful but till those old ghost come out at times to taunt me. I do not understand it because I try to just let them go but they linger. Having some of my family’s support once they tried to understand has helped a lot but other members that I loved so much just turned their backs and found reasons to blame me for their reason of not being around. Some of it still confuses me.
They came up with anything they could. But, in the long run, I have to get past that, try to live happy and realize some people, family or not just do not care. They live behind their walls of blame and I wish they would be the Christians they say they are but the Bible I read tells me they should be that way. I know I can be difficult when I have these moments but no amount of trying to explain reaches their ears or hearts.
But, I have to go on, enjoy the family that does care and realize that I cannot depend on them but on me and realize not everyone can handle a family member who has “issues”. So, I am but I have to say, it is hard. So, I am just doing it and for those like me, I just wanted you to know, it is okay. We can do it.