I just take a breath and say a prayer of thanks for surviving the knocks coming my way, for the ability to fight and keep trying. I look at the beautiful sky, the birds sweetly chirping and the sound of beautiful music. I think of all I can do and that I have an escape when fear tries to over take me. And I battle the people or things that try to destroy me. Sometimes, yeah, I cry because I know in some cases, I cannot save them or stop them from doing what they do to me. I am blessed that I can do it. That I can keep standing and trying. I know in life we have battles. But today, at least one day, each at a time I can take a breath. And I smile.
Okay fellow friends and bloggers. As I go along, I am trying to wean off just a tiny bit on my anxiety meds. I am not on a huge dose and I have kept them the same for almost five years. But I am trying to use my other methods (prayer, meditation, yoga, etc.)to go along with it. Last night went okay even during a stress full situation.
So I will try cutting that dose again this evening. I know it will be a journey that may not be easy but I want to get me back. I know this is a struggle and I know I have to be logical about it but I try anything I can to try and work out this situation. I also know my brain is all in how I train it. But life is filled with anxiety so I also know to tread this carefully! So, just trying. 🙂
I keep her picture on my desk. I look at her at times so I can see her face and rekindle memories. Some are good, some hurt, some make me cry and some make me laugh. But I love to see that smile and although it hurts that she is gone, her memory lives on in my heart. I remember everything about her even can smell at times the perfume she decided she liked at 13. She never changed. She added one more and sometimes the cherry blossom smell seems to drift out or the vanilla. I love my sweet girl. Always!
I write from my heart and my most passionate times come when my heart is sad. maybe that is strange but just how it works for me. Of course at times I DO write when I have a funny thing happen or I am happy but most of the time just when I am sad. Great huh?
Today to cheer my heart a bit (It is close to when I lost my daughter so that may explain the sadness)But I may write about how funny it is that my kitten LOVES water. yeah. running water. But regardless, thank you for still reading even when my post are probably blah.
In this vast world of everything going so fast I often look around and see just how unique we each are. We may be alike in many ways but still, like stars, no two of us are identical. I think in so many ways that is awesome. We can be our own person and yet embrace others for who they are.
Trying not to discount their lives or judge them, even when sometimes we do not like it or agree or in my case get times where my anxiety sees them as they may not really be. Either way, we can all love one another and lift one another regardless of color, creed, religion, non- religion, and so much more because we can accept we are all human. And human makes us unique.
Life is so full of surprises and mystery and love and emotions. Life is a challenge, a race, a walk, a journey. Life is hard and life is easy, all of these depending on where you are at the time. Life can be as beautiful as we choose to make it or as dark as we choose to live it. The decision is ours. It always has been. We just may not know it.