I have been reading your stuff, looking at photos and so on. Then it just popped in my head (happens a lot) that even though I have anxiety, why is it called a mental illness? I think it should be an emotional illness. Even though emotions come from the mind, it is still an emotional reaction from our souls I believe and our hearts. I have extreme emotion which at times causes anxiety but it is because I am too loyal, too loving and I think deeply. But my anxiety comes from my heart and soul so I call it an emotional illness not mental. Just me of course in my ranting thought s during reading. Now I am back to reading. lol. 🙂
So much has changed in this new “normal”. Locked in, facetime for family and friends, mask, anxiety, Fear, sickness, tears, a longing to be with those you love, a desire to be in that church you always assumed would be open. The Yoga classes, the gym and the work place where it was always such a chore. the schools where our children met, learned and played. This new “normal” has sucked in so many ways. But there have been blessings too. Learning to appreciate what we took for granted. The freedom to see who we wanted when we wanted, the ones who loved being alone then found that having the opportunity to get out taken away made some of us want to reach out. It has made me have such an appreciation for things I just never worried about. I never knew wearing a mask could be so weird but I know how those with cancer must have felt or feel. The blessings have been seeing just how much we will now absorb and breathe in the ability to be able to be free again. So, along with the chaos cam the blessing of learning again how precious life can be.
Thank you my friend for trying to help me. I am using some of the tools you showed me Raistlin0903. I am trying this now because I am getting so agitated with this. So here goes. Hi everyone. I am just playing around on this to see how these things will work. I am getting some of it! Thank you my sweet friend!
I can come and share with some of the best bloggers in the World. I can express what I think, feel and like or do not like and we all stand in acceptance of each other, even when we may not agree. I love to be able to be myself and share my innermost feelings, my life in Society and just anything that helps to love, live, appreciate and enjoy. I share my heart when I am down about the loss of children, depression, anxiety, yoga, well you get it. Here. I can be me.
I have been doing a lot of thinking lately and I realized I have spent the last few years often criticized or ‘helped’ by telling me all the things I do or say wrong. It never mattered that I was ready to help anyone who called my ‘honesty’ was too much, my way of saying things was too ‘blunt’ and the list has gone on and on. Today, I realized that no, I just am who I am. Outspoken, loyal, standing up for what I believe in, blunt and at times I am sure, just like everyone prone to have bad moments and days I am just not great to been around. But for once I realize my good outweighs the bad. I may be all the things that were said but my heart is kind and loving. So, take it or leave, I think I like me just the way, I am and who I was designed to be.
I do not get it. I just do not. I try really hard to be a good person but then I seem to get totally screwed over and again. I understand people do not like to be anything but happy but life is real. I lost so many friends when I lost my daughter because it was “real”. I have lost friends because they ask for honesty so I was honest and they turn on me. I get so anxious because it seems you cannot win for losing. I know this is a negative post. I usually try to stay upbeat but I am a human. I do have bad days. sorry. this was just one of those bad days.
Some days I just find myself in a whirlwind of emotions. I am fighting the every ready Anxiety that tried to bring me down. I feel that fear that comes with asking myself if I am okay or is it just anxiety? I grip onto my mind and tell it to stop. Just stop. Then I pray. I do my Yoga. I put Lavender oil I make behind my ears and on my wrist. Then I start to get calmer and finally I can breathe okay instead of running to my room to get away from everything. I know why I have the anxiety and fear and I know I can beat it but for now I am happy each time I just manage to win the war and not let the fear and anxiety overtake me.
Okay everybody! I am slogging through, lol. I am Praying, doing Yoga, some Meditation and everything I can to keep the monsters at bay so it needs to kick in. Wow! What a week! But I am trying and that is all we can do is our best. The Anxiety has been over the top, people (only a few) over the top so I am just trying to box it all in a corner of my mind but I seal it and the tape keeps popping off. I need some something to kick in here. Well, I allowed myself a smile for a moment in the Chaos because, here, with all of you, I find some relief. People who are real like me. Life is not a fairy tale but it sure is full of adventure and challenges and mine this past week have been a few things. The news and depressing things on it also burden my heart but I am putting on my Armor best I can! 🙂 have a great day/night fellow bloggers!
Anyone who has this ability knows it can be lonely. I scare my own family sometimes much less try to make friendships but it is a gift that I have learned and I am still learning to control in certain ways. Friends are few or none because they know that I am honest in my perspective and it doesn’t take long for them to realize that I do know, feel and sense their inner shell as opposed to their outer so alas, they kind of fall of the friendship wall. But, I also learned there are times that in our lives, I have to shut up and leave it alone. It just is not worth it. So I avoid the Emotional Vampires the best I can but I also try to help as much as I can until I have to recharge. My thoughts on that for the day. Have a great night/day fellow bloggers!
I call them the great pretenders because they are so nice to me but I know that when I turn my back, most of them are the first jab a knife in there while they run around telling their “peeps” everything mistake I could possibly make and if there isn’t one, trust me, they can find SOMETHING. It is hard when the people you care about do not care back. For whatever reason, I get chosen as the scapegoat for all of the things that are wrong. So, I am learning to let it go (very hard) and just pretend I do not know and I just stay and play nice. Honesty is not allowed. Only if they need me for something am I wonderful again. But I am also learning to love myself and if that is how they choose to be then at least they do not suck my emotional heart out anymore. Sometimes, just turning around and emotionally walking away is more healing than trying to gain someone’s love.