Okay everybody! I am slogging through, lol. I am Praying, doing Yoga, some Meditation and everything I can to keep the monsters at bay so it needs to kick in. Wow! What a week! But I am trying and that is all we can do is our best. The Anxiety has been over the top, people (only a few) over the top so I am just trying to box it all in a corner of my mind but I seal it and the tape keeps popping off. I need some something to kick in here. Well, I allowed myself a smile for a moment in the Chaos because, here, with all of you, I find some relief. People who are real like me. Life is not a fairy tale but it sure is full of adventure and challenges and mine this past week have been a few things. The news and depressing things on it also burden my heart but I am putting on my Armor best I can! 🙂 have a great day/night fellow bloggers!
Anyone who has this ability knows it can be lonely. I scare my own family sometimes much less try to make friendships but it is a gift that I have learned and I am still learning to control in certain ways. Friends are few or none because they know that I am honest in my perspective and it doesn’t take long for them to realize that I do know, feel and sense their inner shell as opposed to their outer so alas, they kind of fall of the friendship wall. But, I also learned there are times that in our lives, I have to shut up and leave it alone. It just is not worth it. So I avoid the Emotional Vampires the best I can but I also try to help as much as I can until I have to recharge. My thoughts on that for the day. Have a great night/day fellow bloggers!
I call them the great pretenders because they are so nice to me but I know that when I turn my back, most of them are the first jab a knife in there while they run around telling their “peeps” everything mistake I could possibly make and if there isn’t one, trust me, they can find SOMETHING. It is hard when the people you care about do not care back. For whatever reason, I get chosen as the scapegoat for all of the things that are wrong. So, I am learning to let it go (very hard) and just pretend I do not know and I just stay and play nice. Honesty is not allowed. Only if they need me for something am I wonderful again. But I am also learning to love myself and if that is how they choose to be then at least they do not suck my emotional heart out anymore. Sometimes, just turning around and emotionally walking away is more healing than trying to gain someone’s love.
Do you feel things that others do not? Do you feel others joy and pain on a deep level? Can you “read” when people are lying and find out later you are right? Do you have the awareness of tuning in when people are being fake and you can discern a fake person right when or not long after meeting them? Do you often find yourself knowing a person is on the prowl? There are so many different areas of this that it would take 50 more blogs to fill it all in. But just wanted to see how many others are like me. 🙂 Hugs!
you don’t understand me
I don’t understand you.
You can never see…
What I’m goin through.
I can always try
to get us above it all
But I feel like we
Are backed against a wall.
Because no matter
how much we are going through,
I don’t understand me.
You don’t understand you. Copyright 2020 L.S. Rockel
This is a hard time. I have learned to still live, love and survive but you NEVER get over it. I find I have writers block every year at this time. I can only seem to focus on writing about her. She was kind and so sweet. She did try to laugh off everything and she made friends from the bullies at school. She was bullied because of her Autism and her way of thinking. She dressed as she wanted. She ate as she could. Food could not touch and of course, bullies watch for stuff like that. But, she somehow never fought back but she stood her ground. She had kids come to her service and say, “I am so sorry. I picked on her at first but you just could NOT be mean to Sara after a while because she was just her. She would keep smiling”. She made me see what I was doing and she helped me to be a better person, not a bully”. She was the very essence of love that didn’t judge. So, this is why I am writing these stories. It is the time when I think of all the things I lost when I lost her but the gift she left behind that taught me to keep on, love others and appreciate life. I love. you. Sara Nicolle. always. Love, Mom
yes. I have decided the Martians have landed all right. here in my head. haha. no, I have not gone insane but I do think maybe some days there must be tiny Martians playing with my brain (just kidding) However on weeks where the chaos
surrounds me I have to honestly wonder like, um, where is all of this coming from?
But I know things calm and then get crazy and I accept that but I do need to get a bit of a grip on things. This is a hard time of year though as my daughter’s angelversary comes. However, I try to keep a steady mind, remember her joy and still hold onto my other child and enjoy life with her. I told her about Martians in my head and that I was kidding. She hugged me and suggested I see a shrink. 🙂 Have a great night everyone!
He came with his handsome exterior and his charming ways
Hiding his demons and his needles and his little book of tricks.
Then he gave you his wares, bit by bit until he had you hooked.
Then you slowly changed. Your smile changed & your eyes lost their light.
You became angry and defensive and then at times you were laughing as
he laughed and smiled and told you it was fine. He brought you the needles and
drugs and drink to pull you in.
he disguised them all as a beautiful bouquet of love.
But what you could not see even though we warned you and begged you
was the horrible truth until it was too late.
You could never see the Demon behind the mask.
I still miss your laugh, your smile, your way of making other people laugh and how much you enjoyed life. I wish you could be here to see your little niece grow up. I think you two would have been best buddies. I think you and your sister would be talking a lot. I think of you everyday and I look at your picture and wonder if you were still here, what would you be doing? Would you find the world too cruel or would you still find the lining behind every cloud? I don’t know. But I do know, I will never forget you nor could I . You brought a special light into my life and the little light burned away when you left leaving a part of my empty and alone. I love. you. Nikki. I. always. will. Love,
Mom. Sarah Nicolle Day you left me: Feb. 17th, 2007
It is hard to be an empath. It is hard to make friends and keep them. It is hard to be around a world where you pick up things like others pick up items to buy. That is the type of Empath I am and there are MANY types. I am NOT weird (well maybe to people who are not Empaths) I am not a witch. I am not filled with sorcery. I am a loving, kind, hot tempered, blunt and unique individual. I do feel other’s pain, hurts, joys and deceit. I actually feel it like it is my own so I have to step back. At times, I have to walk away to my solace room and reenergize myself , yes, kind of like a rechargeable battery. I took a bold step today and told you my friends and followers, what I am. I hope you all stay and I hope you can find entertainment in some ways and in some ways understand why most Empaths rarely even acknowledge the gift they have been given. It can be a blessing and a difficult journey. But it is my journey and I am happy to see I am not alone!