It has been really stressful but I am keeping the panic at bay. I have staying busy and I work on my fairies, exercise, write on my zombie book and do my prayer and meditations! But if I were to say I am not having anxiety at all that would be a lie but at least I am keeping it at a point where I can at most times control it! I am good with that. I have had several days of stress but I keep plugging at it and I am not having to add that extra 1/4 that I cut off but twice. So thanks for all of your support fellow bloggers and friends and I hope your days are doing great as well!
I do battle anxiety but I know there is a ray of light behind this dark cloud of junk that tries to over power me. I overthink, I over everything. But I see the light that shines through and that keeps me trying. I see the ray of hope and it gives me hope that I can over come this. I see those who struggle with me and how we lift each other up when things seem dim. So, Behind every cloud there IS a ray of light.
I have just an ups and down last few days. Weeks actually. Some good and some bad. I battle this anxiety and then I feel like I have it mastered. I control it and then I get really anxious. It is such a battle as I try to be happy and then it hits again and I am just so angry that it attacks and interferes with my ability to enjoy things without fear.
It is CALLED ANXIETY. I HATE it but I battle on.
OUCH! I was just writing a short bit ago how I am staying busy to keep anxiety down and I have been doing good and them BAM! I stepped outside and my heart just felt like it was racing! I was really taken off guard because I have been doing so well.
But this is life with panic and anxiety. It can come from nowhere and when you don’t even expect it at all. It has calmed a little since I have been steadily writing but it has not completely quit racing. I guess I just have to accept it as a reality and face it head on but man can it be hard to do. But I am trying and I am doing all I can to adjust and try to keep it out of my mind. It is times like these when it comes out of no where that bother me the most.
I got through. I made it. I did it. Such a chaotic week BUT I was blessed and got through it and even had a bit of fun in there with a cute little sprite and family. So, now I am coming off the adrenaline needed (pure not a drug adrenaline) from the fight or flight and a moment of light headedness like I used to get BUT I just hope that is all there is and that it is okay. 🙂
But the good thing is that a few months ago even, I would have been having daily panic or anxiety melt downs. So, hoping this means the road is getting better on my journey. I sure would love that!
Life as our family knew it is gone but not the memories. We have lost our daughter, a son and a nephew at 13 to cancer. But we still have the memories and the love. We still have the photos that it has only been recently that we can look and actually smile at just how wonderful they were. Their laughs, their joy, their silliness and their life. Life as we knew it will never be the same but love as we knew it is still as strong as the day they left.
I write from my heart and my most passionate times come when my heart is sad. maybe that is strange but just how it works for me. Of course at times I DO write when I have a funny thing happen or I am happy but most of the time just when I am sad. Great huh?
Today to cheer my heart a bit (It is close to when I lost my daughter so that may explain the sadness)But I may write about how funny it is that my kitten LOVES water. yeah. running water. But regardless, thank you for still reading even when my post are probably blah.