OUCH! I was just writing a short bit ago how I am staying busy to keep anxiety down and I have been doing good and them BAM! I stepped outside and my heart just felt like it was racing! I was really taken off guard because I have been doing so well.
But this is life with panic and anxiety. It can come from nowhere and when you don’t even expect it at all. It has calmed a little since I have been steadily writing but it has not completely quit racing. I guess I just have to accept it as a reality and face it head on but man can it be hard to do. But I am trying and I am doing all I can to adjust and try to keep it out of my mind. It is times like these when it comes out of no where that bother me the most.
I got through. I made it. I did it. Such a chaotic week BUT I was blessed and got through it and even had a bit of fun in there with a cute little sprite and family. So, now I am coming off the adrenaline needed (pure not a drug adrenaline) from the fight or flight and a moment of light headedness like I used to get BUT I just hope that is all there is and that it is okay. 🙂
But the good thing is that a few months ago even, I would have been having daily panic or anxiety melt downs. So, hoping this means the road is getting better on my journey. I sure would love that!
Life as our family knew it is gone but not the memories. We have lost our daughter, a son and a nephew at 13 to cancer. But we still have the memories and the love. We still have the photos that it has only been recently that we can look and actually smile at just how wonderful they were. Their laughs, their joy, their silliness and their life. Life as we knew it will never be the same but love as we knew it is still as strong as the day they left.
I write from my heart and my most passionate times come when my heart is sad. maybe that is strange but just how it works for me. Of course at times I DO write when I have a funny thing happen or I am happy but most of the time just when I am sad. Great huh?
Today to cheer my heart a bit (It is close to when I lost my daughter so that may explain the sadness)But I may write about how funny it is that my kitten LOVES water. yeah. running water. But regardless, thank you for still reading even when my post are probably blah.
I am learning to breathe through all of this. The hurt, the pain, the loss and the heartache. But in learning to catch a breath, I am realizing the joy of living among the pain. I am learning to see the beauty in the many wonderful things I have in my life. I can be and I can hurt but I can also love, laugh and enjoy. Learning to breathe.
I am learning to overcome things that make me anxious, learning being the key word. I do great and then it seems that tiny things will cause me to stumble. So, I am just bumbling along on my journey, enjoying some great days and then falling down when I have days that every tiny thing will make me fall down.
But I AM learning and I AM trying so I see that as a fantastic step up from where I was a year ago! I know those who suffer from panic and anxiety like I do will understand how hard this walk is and how strong you have to try and be to overcome it. Maybe I can overcome this but if not, maybe I can learn to live with it a little bit better. Have a great evening!
Copyright 2015 L.S. Rockel
Such a fine line between the two. What defines the difference?
Insanity is an escape from reality, a journey that most never tread.
So does Love.
Love is harsh, yet it comforts, give hope even if at times it causes delusions of not seeing thing as they really are.
So does Insanity.
Insanity keeps you from accepting certain truths and can drive you to the brink.
So does Love.
Love demands, it gives, it takes and it waits for redemption.
So does Insanity.
Most never cross the line that somewhere defines the two.
For the ones who do, they will probably never know the difference.