I was on my way home and it was pouring down rain. I always look for your Cross on the roadside. The day you left us. The day my life changed forever. I don’t know why I have never taken a picture. I know I have stopped there a few times. I have to be careful. It is a dangerous spot where you and your three friends were killed. Then. There it was. The reflectors lit it up and I just remembered that night again. I always remember but especially when I see the Cross. I know what everyone say’s but regardless, it doesn’t make the pain any less. Especially when I see that Cross. I wanted to stop but I couldn’t. I cried as i tried to stop so I could see on the rainy road but sometimes what we want and what we can do are not the same. I miss your smile. I miss everything about you. I love. you. Always. Love, Mom.
I have not been on here but I sure have missed it. I went on a mini vacay with no way to use WordPress. (I do not keep it on my phone). lol. Anyway, I am so glad to be back because I have missed writing my blogs and reading yours! Hope everyone has been good!
Could it be? Could it be possible the Lucifer I hate to love actually can be kind? Yes, it has happened. After my sweet Buddy passed (Lucifer’s arch enemy, along with every other breathing thing and well, anything actually. Rocks, leaves, trees, you get the idea. He attacked everything that little Chihuahua terror. But there is hope. After Buddy passed, my daughter decided I needed a dog and helped to find Sawyer. A small 9 year old Pom whom at first I just could not feel anything for. he has won me over and though he can never take Buddy’s place, he is a lot like Buddy in every way except color and I can walk him on a leash. (Buddy would flip like a fish on a hook,lol). Anyway, I was walking Sawyer and yes, here he comes. Lucifer. I went to run before my dog was assaulted when Sawyer ran to Lucifer. Lucifer actually greeted him. The neighbor and I were stunned as they rubbed noses and actually got along. So well that they Now have play time in her fenced back yard. Maybe 2020 does have some good in it after all.
I used to get my best thoughts walking on the sandy beach of Florida. I loved the warmth, a breeze at times that flowed through my hair and the lapping of waves on my feet as they sunk into the wet sand. Sometimes the ocean roars and sometimes it just sings. I have visited the beaches of California but I feel like Florida beaches hold my heart. I would really love to go and energize my mind and heart and soul so i can get back to a good writing zone. Good day/evening to all of you fellow bloggers! Write on!
There is no doubt 2020 has thrown us for a loop. But it has also been a time when Our World had to stop for a while and it was a time for me to reflect on so many things. The way that i had to be at home and try to avoid Covid helped me to appreciate the times I never wanted to leave my house. It made me desire to just get out and be able t go. It showed me how to use my ability as an Empath/Discerner to cope with people. It taught me that it takes more than Yoga, prayer, and meditation to deal with anxiety because we need other humans. It has taught me to appreciate things I took for granted. It broke me in some ways but it has built me in others. have a great day/night fellow bloggers.
How many of us ever get that? The feeling of someone being in love with you? The feeling of loving you in everyway. It doesn’t matter what you look like or your size or your anything. They are in love with you. The woman or the man. You see the love in their face and feel it in your heart. You long for them when they are not there and you love every moment together. The good and the bad. Trials and pain but you get through it. Together. Blessed are those who have it.
I blogged the other day about finding a part of me again and it has been beautiful. I have also dealt with my mind. Is it the Empath in me or the anxiety telling me this is not okay? That this is not normal for my brain to feel happy. It is so hard but I know for those who live these things, it is very real. I still feel guilt if true happiness tries to climb in since my daughter didn’t get that. Then I feel That surge of the happiness trying to stay and so we battle.
I AM excited. I do not know how or what brought it on or how I found it again except maybe through the music, time with myself, prayer or a dream i had. Maybe a combination of all. But I remembered her and I feel her inside of me. The part that was confident. The honest yet caring person. The happy person who approached life head on. The person who didn’t live with anxiety but hope and belief that it will work out. I lost all of that person somewhere and maybe I didn’t get but a part of her back but it was a part I needed really bad. i am hopeful this will help the current me to get back the part of me that helped me to love, laugh, be happy and survive. I realized that I AM happy of course but I felt guilt with it. I hope finding that old me brings itself to me now.