As many of you know, I have issues with Anxiety and being an Empath/ Discerner on top of that can be hard. It has taken a lot of tears, breakdowns, sadness and depression during this past year to really evaluate some things. But I have also become stronger. I have learned, to a degree how to control the feeling of others hurt, wrath, pain and out right attempts to punish me for what I believe in. What I HAVE learned is that the stress brought on an Ulcer and I HAVE to let go of some things. It is a true struggle only Empaths / Discerners can understand as to why it is so hard but I am just throwing positive thoughts into my mind everyday. I am learning to stop listening or to stop reading emails, or texts or anything designed to cause me upset. It is VERY hard but I am learning and that is what matters. Have a great day/evening where ever your are fellow bloggers!
I have been reading your stuff, looking at photos and so on. Then it just popped in my head (happens a lot) that even though I have anxiety, why is it called a mental illness? I think it should be an emotional illness. Even though emotions come from the mind, it is still an emotional reaction from our souls I believe and our hearts. I have extreme emotion which at times causes anxiety but it is because I am too loyal, too loving and I think deeply. But my anxiety comes from my heart and soul so I call it an emotional illness not mental. Just me of course in my ranting thought s during reading. Now I am back to reading. lol. 🙂
I am trying to replace negative thoughts and mindset with a positive one. I just an extreme over thinker and I am also an Empath/ Discerner so that can be hard but I am learning slowly to replace those negatives with a positive. So, when I worry about a person or a thing and if, for example, they are mad or upset or if I have done something, I replace it with No, there is nothing I have done and if I have, I apologize but like I used to. I do not worry now for days and every minute. I just replace with the thought that I did what i could so there. When I over worry about what could happen, I stay in the moment and realize I am fine for now. It is a very long process but at least I am giving it my best shot. i am also doing positive imaging. Try to place positive images in my mind. So, that is my place for now!
IMGOSH! I am so over the top right now. lol. Like I have a good bit of time to observe and the Empath in me is going nuts. My senses are more alert than ever and I am for sure able to discern really well right now. BUT, on the UP side I have Salty dog (formerly Lucifer) from across the street to keep me entertained, I play a lot of brain games to keep my mind occupied, I write and I do Yoga even when it makes me cry. Yes. Yoga can make me cry because it is the BEST anxiety/ stress reliever BUT it is also hard. But then when I do rarely get out and see others I know my Empath wire starts up. Then, I get more anxious with all the stuff rolling in my mind so back home to Yoga and Meditation! Goodness, I am a multi-freakout. hahahahahaha.
I know. I just wrote about it. But I get writer’s block from so much time inside and I think of things I want to write about and then come here and bam. Blank. I cannot get the words. I am a bit agitated as well. plus all the Political things I try to avoid if I can so there is that. So I am back to using the Yoga to help me stay as calm as I can, the Meditation to help me to try and relax so I can write and lots of Prayer just to get me through. On top of that, my Empath/ Discernment is at an all time high. THAT does not help but I have tons of time to think and observe things socially online soooo… lol… Yes, I am just a tons of laughs! lol.
WHY? I sometimes ask myself that question. Often, actually. Why I chose to continue to listen to things said to me as a child. I would never be good enough, I was ugly, I caused problems, I was the reason people did bad things and on and on. I was just a kid. But as I was growing up, those thoughts that were seeded started to grow. On the outside, I seemed to be strong and confidant. On the inside I was a disaster waiting to happen.
And one day, it did happen. all of that negativity set in after the death of my second child. Walls inside started to crumble. A strong mind started to shift. I quit being honest. I just kind of fell apart. I caved in to all the thoughts and the toxic talk. My brain accepted it and I fell. Anxiety set in, doubts, fears and so much.
Now, after a lot of Prayer, Meditation, therapy, and positive thoughts I am starting to climb the crumbled wall of my mind back up to the top. Back to the Sun. I know i will rise above this fear and anxiety. it may take time but it took time to get there. Above all, I ask myself WHY did it take so long to realize those words were painful but not true. I don’t know. But as long as I am trying, I guess it does not matter. NEVER let someone’s toxic words or ways come into your head. It destroys. BUT, you can recover if you learn to stop believing them.
This has been a year if I ever need to switch from negative to positive, this has been it. I realized how much negative was in my mind when battle after after mental battle erupted. Not to say i am totally negative because I have funny days as well but I have had to let go of a lot of it. Toxic thoughts, people, environment and more. But there, as in life, have been really good things and some really bad things that have happened this year. Maybe Covid made the bad things seem worse, I don’t know. So That is what I am trying to do. On the plus side, I have Lucifer (the Chihuahua guard dog to ensure a good chuckle when I am having really bad moments. I mean, as long as I can laugh safely away from him. Have a great day/evening everyone.
No matter what your belief, color, political thoughts, profession, etc. I just want to wish everyone a Merry Christmas from me. I hope love is filled in all of our homes and we can grab some positive from somewhere on this Holiday. We are all on the same Island called life and so we can all be united in that if nothing else. I hope for those of us who are mourning that something will bring a smile from someone we miss or something that is bringing us down. so, here is a virtual hug and a smile filled with love from me to you.
I want to get back to more cheerful post but this is a tough time of year for me and 2020 sure has not helped. However, with a lot of stress and that time of year I cry over my daughter ( natural when you lose a child) and she loved the Holidays and then left us in February, three days after Valentines. Soooo, to try and bring some happy that is locked inside of me. So I am doing my exercises and prayer and doing the things needed to help me appreciate my blessings. I am blessed to have this place to come to.
I took a hiatus to clear my mind, soul ,body and hear but it is good to be back on here. I had to do something to help me to get rid of toxins in my head, body and toxic people and relationships that were trying to really keep me down. But I am just as guilty for letting it affect me and letting them do it so I had to step back. But I did. I am feeling clearer and more determined to conquer some things so thank you to everyone who reads my sometimes weird stuff. At least it is not boring all of the time. lol.