As many of you know, I have issues with Anxiety and being an Empath/ Discerner on top of that can be hard. It has taken a lot of tears, breakdowns, sadness and depression during this past year to really evaluate some things. But I have also become stronger. I have learned, to a degree how to control the feeling of others hurt, wrath, pain and out right attempts to punish me for what I believe in. What I HAVE learned is that the stress brought on an Ulcer and I HAVE to let go of some things. It is a true struggle only Empaths / Discerners can understand as to why it is so hard but I am just throwing positive thoughts into my mind everyday. I am learning to stop listening or to stop reading emails, or texts or anything designed to cause me upset. It is VERY hard but I am learning and that is what matters. Have a great day/evening where ever your are fellow bloggers!
I am trying to replace negative thoughts and mindset with a positive one. I just an extreme over thinker and I am also an Empath/ Discerner so that can be hard but I am learning slowly to replace those negatives with a positive. So, when I worry about a person or a thing and if, for example, they are mad or upset or if I have done something, I replace it with No, there is nothing I have done and if I have, I apologize but like I used to. I do not worry now for days and every minute. I just replace with the thought that I did what i could so there. When I over worry about what could happen, I stay in the moment and realize I am fine for now. It is a very long process but at least I am giving it my best shot. i am also doing positive imaging. Try to place positive images in my mind. So, that is my place for now!
IMGOSH! I am so over the top right now. lol. Like I have a good bit of time to observe and the Empath in me is going nuts. My senses are more alert than ever and I am for sure able to discern really well right now. BUT, on the UP side I have Salty dog (formerly Lucifer) from across the street to keep me entertained, I play a lot of brain games to keep my mind occupied, I write and I do Yoga even when it makes me cry. Yes. Yoga can make me cry because it is the BEST anxiety/ stress reliever BUT it is also hard. But then when I do rarely get out and see others I know my Empath wire starts up. Then, I get more anxious with all the stuff rolling in my mind so back home to Yoga and Meditation! Goodness, I am a multi-freakout. hahahahahaha.
I know. I just wrote about it. But I get writer’s block from so much time inside and I think of things I want to write about and then come here and bam. Blank. I cannot get the words. I am a bit agitated as well. plus all the Political things I try to avoid if I can so there is that. So I am back to using the Yoga to help me stay as calm as I can, the Meditation to help me to try and relax so I can write and lots of Prayer just to get me through. On top of that, my Empath/ Discernment is at an all time high. THAT does not help but I have tons of time to think and observe things socially online soooo… lol… Yes, I am just a tons of laughs! lol.
WHY? I sometimes ask myself that question. Often, actually. Why I chose to continue to listen to things said to me as a child. I would never be good enough, I was ugly, I caused problems, I was the reason people did bad things and on and on. I was just a kid. But as I was growing up, those thoughts that were seeded started to grow. On the outside, I seemed to be strong and confidant. On the inside I was a disaster waiting to happen.
And one day, it did happen. all of that negativity set in after the death of my second child. Walls inside started to crumble. A strong mind started to shift. I quit being honest. I just kind of fell apart. I caved in to all the thoughts and the toxic talk. My brain accepted it and I fell. Anxiety set in, doubts, fears and so much.
Now, after a lot of Prayer, Meditation, therapy, and positive thoughts I am starting to climb the crumbled wall of my mind back up to the top. Back to the Sun. I know i will rise above this fear and anxiety. it may take time but it took time to get there. Above all, I ask myself WHY did it take so long to realize those words were painful but not true. I don’t know. But as long as I am trying, I guess it does not matter. NEVER let someone’s toxic words or ways come into your head. It destroys. BUT, you can recover if you learn to stop believing them.
I know if, like me, many empaths like old homes. The history, the feelings, the lives, the everything that comes with them. It is like walking back into time. I know for me, I have been in some that I could feel so many different things. Some good, some bad but all of them are unique and I love them. The photo shown is just one I found and not beauty at its best but the history behind it must be incredible!
Only those who have it, get it. But it can drive us crazy if we try and over think what goes on with this way of Life. I am learning daily as I go how to try and calm it, forget what is so bothering me and people that emotionally drain me for their whatever. I am trying hard to help those in pain and hurt while also not letting those who try and hurt me get the best of me. So, I am learning as I go because for so long I didn’t even know what it was. Then when I did, No clue how to work it.
I have learned…
To love more openly. To give more freely. To not let my Empath wires go crazy. That anxiety can be handled sometimes even when it is extreme. That is not easy but it can happen. To find some of my past interest and work on them. To appreciate. To hope. To try and reach out where I used to cling to aloneness. To laugh more, to fight harder. That I love my Country. To work harder on Yoga and prayer and meditation. To live.
I blogged the other day about finding a part of me again and it has been beautiful. I have also dealt with my mind. Is it the Empath in me or the anxiety telling me this is not okay? That this is not normal for my brain to feel happy. It is so hard but I know for those who live these things, it is very real. I still feel guilt if true happiness tries to climb in since my daughter didn’t get that. Then I feel That surge of the happiness trying to stay and so we battle.