Life is a challenge…. But I am blessed…

Life can be so challenging! But I am also blessed. I battle anxiety, panic and all of those kind of things, life as an Empath or Discerner and more. But I also use Yoga, Tai, Chi, meditation, prayer and more. So they really help me. Not only to calm myself but to deal with life issues. I have days where I think I will just lose it and go insane and I have days where it just all seems to fall into place and it is great! I know it is probably just the new normal but it sure can be hard. However, I am trying this year to have a more positive approach, release toxic people and let love come my way and share love as I should. Soooo, my thought for the day! have a great one fellow bloggers!

Lucifer is back… making his neighborhood rounds…..

Yep. Good old Lucifer, the tiny terror that plagues our neighborhood. They went on vacation so we all had a reprieve but hi there. He is home now. Again patrolling on his leash and waiting to bite our ankles or pull us down maybe like a zombie waiting for the kill. lol. This dog has no words for how mean he is. Yesterday he was chasing after the poor cat he happened to see sitting on a porch while his master/mommy was trying to reign him in. For such a small dog he sure is strong and often breaks off his leash. I wonder how much she spends on those in a year. So, haha, welcome home Lucifer (my name for him, not hers). We all look forward to more terror as you stalk us. With love (and fear and shaking hearts) we are in awe (not) that you made it back safely. In reality we hoped maybe she had found you a new home. hahaha

The first child of your child……

So the daughter marries, life is great. She finds out they are having a baby and the fun begins. Kind of. The beautiful bundle arrives and then. I am no longer experienced as a mom. There are rules. Wash my hands , use caution when transferring baby. Oooops,no, no, with a sweet smile she shows me how to feed such tiny infant. I have never had a child before. I mean, where did this adult come from that just had THIS baby? lol. Then a few months go by and now I get to babysit at her house. Yes, her home because ALL of the baby’s needs are there. Sooooo, I go through the 45 page list of instructions with her and smile. I assure her I will follow them to a tee. I neatly place them on a the table and assure her all will be fine as I usher her and my son-in-law out the door. Once I am sure they are gone, I have a blast with my little grand baby of love and I take great care of her. I will burn the instructions when I get home because I have been here and done that. lol Have a wonderful night or day wherever you are! 🙂

Emotional Vampires, go away, Do NOT return another day……

They try and suck all of your inner energy, your emotions, your feelings, your joy, your love, your money, your everything! Emotional vampires will suck you so dry that there is little left for you to keep yourself whole. I do not mean people who just need someone or a friend or just a shoulder to cry on.
I mean those people who have to be the center of everything. Every conversation, every call, text, message has to be about THEM and what you can do for them. No answer is good enough, there is never a solution to their problem, they never want a resolution and they make you pay for it if you do not just listen and take misery with them. They do not want happiness. They just want to suck it from others. Beware of the Emotional Vampire!

Why can’t you See what I Feel?…..

I know it is hard to understand me since I lost my child/children. I know I have breakdowns. I know I act crazy at times. I am. Because I am trying to deal with pain and anxiety I never had before. I know I get defensive. I do because I feel like the world left her/them behind but not me. I know I am putting you in a strange spot when I am laughing one minute and crying the next. I know. Why can’t you see what I feel? Because you haven’t been there and I hope you never are.

No, I have not forgotten you….I love you . Always.

In my post I used to write more often about the daughter I lost and sometimes I still do but especially at this time of year, I have to hold on to my sanity. But No, Nikki, I have not forgotten you. I never would. You were, as well as your baby brother Ryan I lost so much of my heart. So is your sister who is still and I thank God for that because if she had not been, I think I would have truly lost my mind that day. I miss your smile, your humor, your laughter and I wish you were still here with us. I still cry when I write about you and I still cry when I hear your songs that you loved.
I laugh sometimes now at your funny memories but I cannot ever forget the loss of when you left us. It still hurts so bad and you were truly so good. You had moments like everyone but I swear sometimes, I DO believe you were an Earthly angel
Your ability to keep my grounded with my hot temper, your way of never seeing bad in anyone, your love for making others laugh and your genuine love of life. You just LOVED life. Everything was beautiful to you. I mean even the things I so often over look. A strange type of rock, the shape of a tree, people, just everything. No. I have not forgotten you my sweet love. A mother never forgets the child/children she has loved and lost.

The Sounds of Silent Abandon………..

In this world we live in today, it is so filled with noise but there is still not much as far as communication on a deep level. We live in silent abandon. By that, I mean that we use so much social media that actual conversations and feelings expressed in person is rare. Yes, we talk at work about mundane things and of course as in all things, this does not apply to all people. But we are becoming so silent with our voices because we Instagram, twitter, snapchat, face book and email. Those require few words and just writing. Writing and all of these things are beautiful but I think the world would be better if we have more talking again. More actual communication verbal as opposed to texting or putting it on social media. The sounds of voices.