It doesn’t have to be the world as I view it. The world is full of people who would rather ignore someone they love as opposed to helping them through difficult times. We live in a world where we are expected to be all smiles and happy and joyful and many, many days we are. We strive to be and feel the happiness we know is within. We are not miserable, hateful people. We long to feel love of others, we WANT to see the rainbow behind the clouds.
We love our life and we know our blessings. We are happy with what we have been given but we are different. The depression, anxiety or panic take over at times and we are so desperately trying to escape it that we do see the sun. But it is not because we don’t want to, we can’t. We still function as normal people but we react a little different. Things that regular people just brush off, we take it personal.
We live a world of sometimes thinking we will never be able to do enough, love enough and at times we may even try to buy the love of others. We KNOW you do not understand the pain. But it doesn’t have to be like this. Just try and look inside of us. Try to read about what we go through. Try to understand that we want and eventually WILL be able to get through this but just sometimes, a hand held, a smile given, a word of encouragement or just listening can pull us through. It doesn’t have to be this way. But it is.
I have had so many ups and downs with anxiety this month and trying to re-direct my mind and strange feelings in my body I just don’t know where to begin. The anxiety meds were the same brand but from a different manufacturer. (Found that out from Pharmacist) so that has made for a painful month. Edgy, worried, the meds made me usual but usually they just keep anxiety and panic away.
So I tried a variety of different things and of course, few worked but some did. i even tried the new CALM app. It is good but you know anxiety. I almost had a panic attack. I have not slept well because I am overthinking everything. all. night. long.Sooooo, needless to say, my advice is always, always ask your pharmacist if your same brand meds are from the same manufacturer you usually get them from.
However, so far, i am toughing it out. Just so very frustrating. ugh. lol.
Sometimes when we feel like we have been knocked down so many times and we are about to just say whatever, it is the little things that keep us going. A smile, a song. laughter, friends, a simple hello from someone you love or even a kiss from your dog or a purrrr from your cat when you pet it.
It might be something in the mail or a note from your child or beloved. Maybe your grown child sends a text just to say hi or how are you? So many times people think they have to do something big to show their love or lift someone’s spirits but no, little things mean just as much.
So, keep that in mind if you need it and do it to someone else to start something going or if you know someone who may need a lift up.. do something little because it beats nothing at all and it may mean the world to them.
I have realized I have two mes. Not a split personality but one part of me that is the old me, still strong and bold. The other me that started when the panic and anxiety came and I seem to cause everything to bother me or I get anxious or panicked. Same person but conflicting emotions.
There are times when I am fine and I handle things like I used to. That person had deep faith, a strong personality, to strong sometimes and then there is the panic me that worries about everything, prays to get that strength back in whole , cries, panics, worries and that part of me I do not like.
Because it shouldn’t be happening but it is. Maybe some of it is past issues and maybe some of it is things I repressed for so long coming out but whichever, not something I like.
I sometimes wonder if I can use the old me to goad the me now into going back and fixing whatever started this. But I think I have to just stop over thinking. I have to stop making disasters out of things that have not and probably will NOT happen. BUT, if they do, then I just have to deal with it.
What about my fellow brothers and sisters who go through this? Do yuo have a thought, opinion or advice?
Strange yes. But it is how a mind with anxiety can work. Today is a new day and yesterday is still stuck in the head. So while most have moved on, those with anxiety or panic are enjoying parts of today but still rehashing everything from yesterday or even three weeks ago.
It is a world of illusion, confusion and and even joy. So, while we battle this strange disorder we know there is hope. We are NOT mentally unstable, we are NOT crazy and we do NOT go out and harm people. lol. For some reason, I have read there are people who think that. No, we are normal but we just have panic and or anxiety or both. we think and re-think everything.
So, those times that we seem anxious, it is just trying to remind ourselves that we are fine and we cannot please everyone. we cannot worry over every little thing. we cannot change people who do not want to be in our lives. But we can refocus, we can learn to take our minds off over thinking and we can learn it is okay to be us. Because most people with anxiety or panic are over achievers, smart and we just have to settle our brains down.
I am sometimes so confused by people and life in general so i am learning to just smile and go on. We can be a light for others by our actions and for those who choose different paths or different ways to treat you just smile. And go on. Know that you are good, kind and a wonderful person and do not let negative people who put you down or ignore you or try and find reasons not to like you to go along their way,. It is not worth the effort to wrack our brains on what we did wrong. Nothing, we did nothing wrong.
In life itself, I just do not understand sometimes but there is a reason and a season for everything so again, just smile. Even if we have to grit our teeth while doing it. Because life is what it is and we just have to make the best of what we have and strive to keep getting better. We can control some things in life and some we cannot. But we can accept it and realize that being upset will not change it. Does that mean I never get upset? NO. I have a tendency to over think and to make huge volcanic moutains out of a tiny anthill. BUT, I am trying to change that. Stress less, smile more and sometimes, Grit your teeth while doing it. lol.
It has been a hectic week between being sick, working and trying to get projects done but I still was able to make progress. I had some stressful moments and one big one but got through it! I fight this battle with anxiety, depression and panic but at least I am fighting it and trying not to let it win.
I wish I could say there was a cure all but there, so far, is not. At least not for me. But I still keep at it, trying to ensure I have more good days that bad. I do not know why but the stress seems to build sometimes even on a good day. But, I take it as it comes. One battle at a time. I would love to be able to say that I am cured and hey, fantastic but I am better than I was three years ago or even two, so that is a start!