It was and is at the worst times of my life that I need you, not during the good. The good times are when we can laugh together. But to be able to laugh, it is so needed to have you there when it is storming in my mind, the rain is pouring, I have prayed, cried, tried, or done anything to make this chaos go away.
You always have an excuse or “it is my fault” but love is about being there during those times. You are for others. When I am at my worst is when I need you to be there at your best. I never knew that being there when I was needed but then asking for help when I need it would result in so much judgment. I thought that was what love was for. I believe, of course, I will get through it but I just needed you. And you were gone until everything was fine again. But it has always been that way.
When we are 10, 19 or 20 is old. When we are 20, 40 is old, when we are 30, 50 is old, when we are 50, 80 is old and on the cycle goes. But what I am learning is that old is never old in our minds. Inside of us, we are still young and it is hard to realize time is passing by so fast. But unless there is a medical issue, the older we get, the more we learn, the more we are aware but also we are still the 20 year old hiking, or sitting on the beach, catching those rays of sun, or looking at pictures of our grows kids and thinking, “Man, that went by quick.” But in our minds we know that we are still those young beautiful people who do not just sit in a rocking chair as some assume and glance at nothing. Most of us, if able are still active, have new ideas everyday, new adventures we want to try. So, OLD is NEVER OLD.
Hello world out there! In a society where many people have their contact with other humans here or on social media, we need to connect. It may be joining each other’s facebook to talk with people we have become friends with, such as places like here. Who knows what adventure may come of it? We might actually meet up, a few of us and go do something in the real world. We might live too far away so we connect somewhere. But we NEED the connection. I say what does it hurt to try it? Start a group where we can all keep up with each other, find out what we like and don’t like. What we love and don’t love but if nothing else, connect and make new friends.
It doesn’t have to be the world as I view it. The world is full of people who would rather ignore someone they love as opposed to helping them through difficult times. We live in a world where we are expected to be all smiles and happy and joyful and many, many days we are. We strive to be and feel the happiness we know is within. We are not miserable, hateful people. We long to feel love of others, we WANT to see the rainbow behind the clouds.
We love our life and we know our blessings. We are happy with what we have been given but we are different. The depression, anxiety or panic take over at times and we are so desperately trying to escape it that we do see the sun. But it is not because we don’t want to, we can’t. We still function as normal people but we react a little different. Things that regular people just brush off, we take it personal.
We live a world of sometimes thinking we will never be able to do enough, love enough and at times we may even try to buy the love of others. We KNOW you do not understand the pain. But it doesn’t have to be like this. Just try and look inside of us. Try to read about what we go through. Try to understand that we want and eventually WILL be able to get through this but just sometimes, a hand held, a smile given, a word of encouragement or just listening can pull us through. It doesn’t have to be this way. But it is. But it does not. have. to. be.
I have had so many ups and downs with anxiety this month and trying to re-direct my mind and strange feelings in my body I just don’t know where to begin. The anxiety meds were the same brand but from a different manufacturer. (Found that out from Pharmacist) so that has made for a painful month. Edgy, worried, the meds made me usual but usually they just keep anxiety and panic away.
So I tried a variety of different things and of course, few worked but some did. i even tried the new CALM app. It is good but you know anxiety. I almost had a panic attack. I have not slept well because I am overthinking everything. all. night. long.Sooooo, needless to say, my advice is always, always ask your pharmacist if your same brand meds are from the same manufacturer you usually get them from.
However, so far, i am toughing it out. Just so very frustrating. ugh. lol.
Sometimes when we feel like we have been knocked down so many times and we are about to just say whatever, it is the little things that keep us going. A smile, a song. laughter, friends, a simple hello from someone you love or even a kiss from your dog or a purrrr from your cat when you pet it.
It might be something in the mail or a note from your child or beloved. Maybe your grown child sends a text just to say hi or how are you? So many times people think they have to do something big to show their love or lift someone’s spirits but no, little things mean just as much.
So, keep that in mind if you need it and do it to someone else to start something going or if you know someone who may need a lift up.. do something little because it beats nothing at all and it may mean the world to them.
I have realized I have two mes. Not a split personality but one part of me that is the old me, still strong and bold. The other me that started when the panic and anxiety came and I seem to cause everything to bother me or I get anxious or panicked. Same person but conflicting emotions.
There are times when I am fine and I handle things like I used to. That person had deep faith, a strong personality, to strong sometimes and then there is the panic me that worries about everything, prays to get that strength back in whole , cries, panics, worries and that part of me I do not like.
Because it shouldn’t be happening but it is. Maybe some of it is past issues and maybe some of it is things I repressed for so long coming out but whichever, not something I like.
I sometimes wonder if I can use the old me to goad the me now into going back and fixing whatever started this. But I think I have to just stop over thinking. I have to stop making disasters out of things that have not and probably will NOT happen. BUT, if they do, then I just have to deal with it.
What about my fellow brothers and sisters who go through this? Do yuo have a thought, opinion or advice?