Holding on and trying not to let the little things become monsters in the light. Learning to adjust to the mind set of just letting go and going on past that “thing” that is trying to enslave me.
Going through the steps needed to teach us and me how we overcome and say enough of this! It is a battle but then there are victories so relying on the victories to try and topple the panic and anxiety. Learning to be alone and be okay.
Because we can do this!
Love is a word so easily used but real love is rarely applied in some cases. WHAT then is REAL love? Real love is showing you care in some form or fashion. Whether it is a phone call to someone if you cannot get there when they are sick, or down, or just need human interaction.
Real love is not assaulting them when they reach out for help by telling them they are selfish because you are busy and doing the best that you can. It is not giving them the 500 excuses of why you couldn’t come, forgot to call, meant to write, tried to get there and just couldn’t find 10 seconds in this world of cyber everything to put an I love you or I am praying for you or thinking of you.
It is a flower picked from the road for someone you know is sad but you didn’t have the money to buy a bouquet. It is holding their hand when they cannot get through something alone. It is a call, a note, a text it is anything that shows that you want to be there for them.
If you can take time to stop at a store, answer a phone call, send a text, go to “meetings” or spend hours at conferences, go fishing, hunting, shopping, go out to eat or basically breathe, then you can show someone who may need you “real” Love. The excuses you give as to why you can’t are just that. Excuses. Remember that next time you KNOW someone needs you or is suffering. That one small thing is something they will never forget.
I am exploring all the realms of dealing with this. At the current moment, I am using the control of my mind to try and block out the anxiety and panic. if i feel it coming on, I try and block it with a positive thought and the mind set that I am stronger mentally .
I am pretending I am at war and this battle is me and the enemy, panic and anxiety. I am letting go of things I cannot control and trying very hard not to dwell, as I so often do, on a certain thing.
It has been three days and I cannot say I have NOT had moments BUT I can say i was able to overcome them really quick. Soooo, for not me-3, panic and anxiety-0 on these three days. I will just keep doing this, L.W. and hope I can retrain my brain to overcome. Oh and I have taken up Yoga again.
Sometimes we get stuck in an endless argument because neither side will cave because they are so sure “they” are right. But the key to letting go of that is to agree to disagree. You can argue a point with someone unless you get dragon breath and blow fire but it won’t change their mind.
However, we need to learn that are just times when we are NOT going to agree on something and make that leap to say, “Ok, let’s just agree to disagree. it doesn’t mean either party was right or wrong just that we cannot come to the same agreeable conclusion.
We just have a difference of opinion that can’t not should be forced on the other person because then it really is a type of bullying and they will end up just getting agitated anyway. So today, if you find yourself in that position. Just DO it. Agree to disagree. And then be happy.
It has been quite a while since i had a “moment”. One came last week even though I am on meds and it set off a whole new time of worry. Ugh! I hate that part. Soooo, back to mentally challenging myself until Lord Willing, follow up with cardiologist on Thursday.
I am a good percent sure it is or was panic or anxiety but strangely, i wasn’t even upset or stressed at that moment. I was talking to someone who was but i felt fine and then bam! there it came. Out of nowhere. What bothered me is I am on meds for it so i couldn’t figure out why it happened.
Then I call Doc and he says no probably not panic which led to the Cardio follow up. Then this morning I was stressed and had pain under my breast area and that freaked me out. Super ugh! I have doing really good so to have the episode was needless to say, upsetting.
It is such a fine line between if something is wrong or panic that I think that is what can set panic into motion. Either way, here we go round and round on the circle of this disorder. So, I am going to try some yoga, some breathing exercises and just try to relax and see if that helps.
As this only started less than two years ago, I find it disturbing, scary, annoying and it just flat out makes me mad sometimes that IF it is only panic, WHY is it able to control my mind? Totally a bad deal. So sharing my mood for the day for my fellow challenged in this area. Let us try to rock on and overcome this if we can.
DEMONS of the MIND
You cannot help what you don’t understand.
The fear, the darkness that threatens to overtake me.
The way my own mind scares me at times and makes me think things
that are not even true. The way i think
The way I love
The way i cry
The desire to need and feel love
To be accepted, needed, wanted.
Then pushing it away
Out of fear it will rejected.
The fear of not being in control of my life.
The torture of trying to understand
All of these are the Demons of my mind. To help me……. You have to understand them.
L.S. Rockel Copyright 2014
Yep. I am back and forth. Should I laugh or scream? Should I walk a hundred miles without stopping or just sit in a chair and play a game on my phone? There are some days it seems like my nerves are screaming just under my skin and others that are like I am in a yoga state of mind.
I am happy and yet I feel alone. I am blessed but I feel like I have no one nearby to talk to who understands. I am fulfilled and yet I feel like everything is about to collapse underneath me.
I am on edge and yet I know it is inside my head. I am jumpy and tart and then I want someone to comfort me but I cannot feel it when they give it. I cannot seem to quiet this ongoing battle in my brain long enough to make it believe that I am or should be okay.
Then I have more days where I am yoga happy and content. Painting, or writing or just watching a stupid show. Or I may be fixing something in or on the house. I have no friends. I do not crave them often but sometimes it would be nice. But I don’t have friends because of who I am.
I am blunt but I love. I am strict but I give a lot of affection to back it up. I am loyal but I hate to be trampled on or lied to. Just say what you feel and be done with it. I probably won’t like it but that’s okay. I will admit it when I am wrong.
I am me. I am screaming inside, I look normal on the outside and I am sad that I am happy but this feeling won’t let me get past it sometimes. Then I feel guilty because I am unable to fight through the panic zone. After that I am happy to have conquered it once again.
There is hope. There is love. there is victory. Just Breathe. Pray. Relax and appreciate what I have.