Why? I just didn’t. I should have, I could have and I still can but I don’t know if I will. I am mad at Yoga today. Downward dog hurt my leg yesterday and we know I hate downward dog. Who named it that anyway? I t should be more like torture you dog. hahahahahahaha. Either way, Yoga and I are not speaking today so it does not get my attention. What WILL get my attention is when my anxiety realizes it is not going to get the daily dose of Yoga. Then some things will be freaking in my brain but I am mad at anxiety too so maybe it is a just punishment. hahahahahaha
well photo and weird art I make.
I thought of you as I walked on the beach
Listening to the sounds you loved so much.
waves, as they rush onto the sand and soothe my soul.
I thought of you as the Holidays approached and how much you loved them.
Halloween where you loved those goofy movies. Christmas where we always drove around to see Christmas lights and you loved to stop at that store and get hot Cocoa.
I thought of the day you left me, three days after Valentines.
I never celebrate that day now. I can’t.
I went to your room and I sat on your bed.
I waited to see if maybe you would walk in
but I knew that was a fantasy that would never come true.
I went to the place where we placed you to rest
But to me it is empty and useless.
If I thought you would be here or I could feel you somehow
maybe I would come more often. But you aren’t and you will never be.
I look at your photo and I wish I could change that day and turn back the events so they never happened.
But I can’t.
Time does NOT heal all wounds. It only heals the ability to deal with it.
Love does not die. My love will always be there for you, secured in my heart.
I wish I had known so many things when you were here.
I wish I had known we have to cherish every day and every moment.
But I didn’t know.
I never realized or knew so many things that I know now but I only realized all of it.
When you were gone. I love you. always. Love, Mom. Copyright 2010 L.S.R.
My life is a crazy upside down funny, scary life. I have anxiety as most of you know by now, lol. So I try to balance life, Yoga, Tai Chi, meditation, prayer, anything I can to just keep a balance and I do but I also have learned that even with all of these, you HAVE to keep your stress level very low. I had an anxiety attack and I had taken my meds, done my breathing and all of the above but I allowed a highly stressful situation to get to me. Sooooo, I went out to my car, used my ice against my chest and did my breathing. Today away from the stress there I am doing better. it may be a crazy life but it is mine and I won it and I keep trying! 🙂 I hope you all have a great day!
Turtle turtle. swimming around.
I thought they sterilized parakeets or so I had been told so they could not breed. well, guess not. Mine kept acting funny so I put a nesting box in there a few weeks ago. and I went to give them food and water this morning and hear baby chirps! I am like, wow! I have not looked at them yet so I do not know how many but I am a first time parakeet grandparent! so exciting!
Well Yoga is still kicking my bootie but I am still doing it and writing and Tai Chi. I am trying to get back to the healthy as I indulge in a bowl of vanilla bean, peanut butter and caramel milkshake this A.M. I love writing and still working on my zombie book while I tackle graphics and stay uber busy if I can. That also keeps anxiety at bay. I have to say though that Yoga is so good but so hard. Downward Dog is like my enemy. hahahahahaha. That dog is tearing me up! But I will get it as my back screams when I do it. So, I just tell my body, buck up and get ready for the rollercoaster of temp pain because we feel so much better after a short bit. I also love my yoga warm ups. They really help me in the less stress level so I can write, do the art and graphics.
Today has been frustrating! I just need to vent. I am blessed and I appreciate all the beautiful things in my life but I get so agitated when the anxiety level rises and ugh! I have still stuck to my tiny cut back on meds for anxiety but then I deal with the stress. YES I LOVE that I am doing it but when the stress hits it just get so agitating!
I just want to be able to handle this without having to run and take something for anxiety. I am sticking to that tiny cut back but I swear it seems every time I try things go haywire. I know it is just life but omgosh! On the upside, I AM handling it. lol. Sorry. Did not mean to be a downer today but I share the Good, the Bad and the Ugly and the Beautiful and the Happy and the Sad. Thank you for hanging with me when I do!
I am trying it but I can tell this will be slow going but I figure if I even cut back just a bit it is better than nothing. My experience so far today is letting me know that I have to take this in very slow baby steps but hey! A baby starts by crawling so if I can even manage this of cutting back just a little that is a huge accomplishment to me! So my sweet blogger friends I am trying and I hope it brings encouragement for you too that we can do this in steps or even cut down just a bit!
Okay fellow friends and bloggers. As I go along, I am trying to wean off just a tiny bit on my anxiety meds. I am not on a huge dose and I have kept them the same for almost five years. But I am trying to use my other methods (prayer, meditation, yoga, etc.)to go along with it. Last night went okay even during a stress full situation.
So I will try cutting that dose again this evening. I know it will be a journey that may not be easy but I want to get me back. I know this is a struggle and I know I have to be logical about it but I try anything I can to try and work out this situation. I also know my brain is all in how I train it. But life is filled with anxiety so I also know to tread this carefully! So, just trying. 🙂