I know. I just wrote about it. But I get writer’s block from so much time inside and I think of things I want to write about and then come here and bam. Blank. I cannot get the words. I am a bit agitated as well. plus all the Political things I try to avoid if I can so there is that. So I am back to using the Yoga to help me stay as calm as I can, the Meditation to help me to try and relax so I can write and lots of Prayer just to get me through. On top of that, my Empath/ Discernment is at an all time high. THAT does not help but I have tons of time to think and observe things socially online soooo… lol… Yes, I am just a tons of laughs! lol.
I know Covid-19 is real. Too many members of my family have gotten it. Or they say it is Covid-19. Then you see the news and do not know whom to believe because almost all, if not all of them lie. But they say before was not actually Covid-19 causes many things but Doctors were getting paid to say. Whatever, something came here. NOW, we have new variant strains coming in so once again, mask, social distance, no crowds (sucks for those of us with big families.) But I have been isolating and being very careful since last May while I waiting the arrival of my daughters baby and had to quarantine if I wanted to see her. So rarely since have I gone anywhere other than occasional trips to family, twice to a Restaurant and shopping comes here. Or husband gets it for us. I wish this would go away so we could get out and enjoy life outside the home again.
I AM excited. I do not know how or what brought it on or how I found it again except maybe through the music, time with myself, prayer or a dream i had. Maybe a combination of all. But I remembered her and I feel her inside of me. The part that was confident. The honest yet caring person. The happy person who approached life head on. The person who didn’t live with anxiety but hope and belief that it will work out. I lost all of that person somewhere and maybe I didn’t get but a part of her back but it was a part I needed really bad. i am hopeful this will help the current me to get back the part of me that helped me to love, laugh, be happy and survive. I realized that I AM happy of course but I felt guilt with it. I hope finding that old me brings itself to me now.
It has been a busy week for my art projects and orders are coming on. My daughter started promoting it and BAM! it is filling up so I have not had a chance to get on here. So, I just wanted to say how blessed I feel about that. On other things, raven the delightful Shepherd got out again when she found another great escape. I had to chase her down, get a leash on her and wait for my husband to run home and fix the damage. lol. Lucifer the dog from across the street is back at his antics and chasing all things including me. (I escaped) But sadly, the flowers in the edge of my garden did not go without his wrath of punishment. His owner offered to do something for the damage but I just laughed and told her it was fine as long as it is flowers and not my ankles. lol. And my cats are indeed aliens who love to catch me off guard and scratch or bite me when I least expect it. Aaaah. Life is back to normal here. hahahaha. I hope you all have a great evening/day wherever you are!
OMGOSH! I went outside and I see the black flash of my husband’s Shepherd running. Oh great. This dog, Raven, is beautiful, smart, a Master Escape Artist from a large Privacy fence. She turns on the outside faucet even though she gets fresh iced water and she has a pool and she has every toy known to man. She destroys them. So, anyway, I finally wrangle her (he, the hubby, is gone of course) into letting me get the leash on her but then she wrangles out of the collar. I finally get THAT back on and I am trying to pull a huge dog in so I can get her into the back. Needless to say. she had torn another portion of the fence out. And to say the least, my back hurts, I tore the tips off of two of my fingernails and she is fine now. I am ready to fall into bed. She is a true, smart escape artist who is like the Velociraptor in Jurassic Park. lol
Why? I just didn’t. I should have, I could have and I still can but I don’t know if I will. I am mad at Yoga today. Downward dog hurt my leg yesterday and we know I hate downward dog. Who named it that anyway? I t should be more like torture you dog. hahahahahahaha. Either way, Yoga and I are not speaking today so it does not get my attention. What WILL get my attention is when my anxiety realizes it is not going to get the daily dose of Yoga. Then some things will be freaking in my brain but I am mad at anxiety too so maybe it is a just punishment. hahahahahaha
well photo and weird art I make.
I thought of you as I walked on the beach
Listening to the sounds you loved so much.
waves, as they rush onto the sand and soothe my soul.
I thought of you as the Holidays approached and how much you loved them.
Halloween where you loved those goofy movies. Christmas where we always drove around to see Christmas lights and you loved to stop at that store and get hot Cocoa.
I thought of the day you left me, three days after Valentines.
I never celebrate that day now. I can’t.
I went to your room and I sat on your bed.
I waited to see if maybe you would walk in
but I knew that was a fantasy that would never come true.
I went to the place where we placed you to rest
But to me it is empty and useless.
If I thought you would be here or I could feel you somehow
maybe I would come more often. But you aren’t and you will never be.
I look at your photo and I wish I could change that day and turn back the events so they never happened.
But I can’t.
Time does NOT heal all wounds. It only heals the ability to deal with it.
Love does not die. My love will always be there for you, secured in my heart.
I wish I had known so many things when you were here.
I wish I had known we have to cherish every day and every moment.
But I didn’t know.
I never realized or knew so many things that I know now but I only realized all of it.
When you were gone. I love you. always. Love, Mom. Copyright 2010 L.S.R.
My life is a crazy upside down funny, scary life. I have anxiety as most of you know by now, lol. So I try to balance life, Yoga, Tai Chi, meditation, prayer, anything I can to just keep a balance and I do but I also have learned that even with all of these, you HAVE to keep your stress level very low. I had an anxiety attack and I had taken my meds, done my breathing and all of the above but I allowed a highly stressful situation to get to me. Sooooo, I went out to my car, used my ice against my chest and did my breathing. Today away from the stress there I am doing better. it may be a crazy life but it is mine and I won it and I keep trying! 🙂 I hope you all have a great day!
Turtle turtle. swimming around.