My greatest joy besides my family, is when I can make people smile. Even at times when I am in the depths off about to have an anxiety moment or whatever, I just love to s=d o something that can make someone else smile. Maybe I feel it helps my heart knowing they are not sad, even if for a bit.
But I love to make other people happy. I love to bring them joy. I fail sometimes when I get treated bad by some of the same people but I am learning to not pity party and rise above it. Because as long as I can make someone smile and brighten their day, then it is worth it. It really is. Have a wonderful day!
I do occasionally put some humor on here, lol, but I started blogging for those people like me who need to hear about lives that are not always happy and glorious and for people who live with the loss of a child or anxiety,
panic or live with someone who has these issues. Autism (my oldest daughter) ADHD, OCD (me) and so we could all relate or maybe someone wanted to knw what it is .
But I also love to read the happy blogs and the blogs about photography and just fun things because they lift me up! I love to see the smiles, the flowers, the gardens or old landmarks and just everything. So, of course in an already dismal world, my page is not as popular as others but I never expected it to be.
But that is what I love about the beauty of blogging. We can all be ourselves and share with each other our realities and our lives.
I have held on to this hate I didn’t even realize was there for almost 12 years. I said I would never forgive you when our daughter died for all the times you were not there for her. I hated you. I hated the fact that she still loved you and saw you when she could but I never said anything because I didn’t want her to think she had to make a choice.
I hated you for having to force you to help me when she needed things because you didn’t pay child support but then you would push her aside if your wife’s daughter got jealous or whatever the case was that month or year. I hated when you remarried and allowed your wife to call her things. Yes, she was grown by then, so young and the autism she fought and mostly won and how kind she was and loving but you never seemed to care.
I especially hated you when I had to force you to help pay for her service when she was killed and then you only asked about the watch you gave her for Christmas two months before back because it had cost you probably more money than you had ever given her or helped with. So many things that I just could not get past and I told you, “Never speak to me again”. But it hurt me more than you. I heard you regretted it all later but it was too late. But then, something strange happened a few days ago.
I looked at her picture and she was about forgiveness. Forgiving you, me of my mistakes, bullies who I tried to defend her against but she was like, “I got this mom. It’s all good”. She never quit being kind until they became her friends. Forgive. That was her REAL name and I realized to live and be whole I HAD to forgive you. I prayed, I pondered, I cried but finally I sent you the message. I did it and she was right. It is like a stone has been lifted off on me. I let go of the hate, the bitterness and all of it. I feel so different. Just from a simple act of forgiveness.
THAT is the lesson I learned from our daughter. That is who she was. That is how she lived her life.
Now I know why she did.
It was and is at the worst times of my life that I need you, not during the good. The good times are when we can laugh together. But to be able to laugh, it is so needed to have you there when it is storming in my mind, the rain is pouring, I have prayed, cried, tried, or done anything to make this chaos go away.
You always have an excuse or “it is my fault” but love is about being there during those times. You are for others. When I am at my worst is when I need you to be there at your best. I never knew that being there when I was needed but then asking for help when I need it would result in so much judgment. I thought that was what love was for. I believe, of course, I will get through it but I just needed you. And you were gone until everything was fine again. But it has always been that way.
I have tried to lead by example but he just does not get it. Every day he grovels and jumps and wags his tail so they pet him and talk to him and coddle him. So stupid. Be like me. I just lounge on the couch by the window and THEY come to me. I beg for nothing.
You beg for food, treats and everything else when I have tried to show you all you have to do is just be lazy. You still get fed, you still get treats and you have to do NOTHING! But no, you still do the same thing every day. Every. Single. Day. I tolerate you because I guess you just cannot help it. you are just dumb. I guess the likes of you will never learn. But I hope. Maybe one day, you will learn from my highly keen mind and relax and it all comes to us and all we have to do is be here. I am sorry dog. But you are pathetic. Sincerely, your fellow live in companion, The Cat.
I can be funny, I can be hard, I can be sweet and i am sometimes sad. I love, i live and I get mad. I am human with all the mistakes that go with it. I am loyal and will defend someone I love even when they emotionally slap me in the face. But inside, I am pretty much an okay person. I will help anyone that I can. I will stand up for what I believe in. I can be annoying. I can be the biggest pain to deal with but I still am one of the best friends a person could ever have. i am strong for my family, weak by myself but a fighter. I fight to battle anxiety and I battle to be good in a world gone crazy. Sometimes, yeah, i am just too much. But at the end of the day. I. Am. Just. Me……..
The sweet singing of birds, Children laughing, people smiling.
Butterflies dancing on the flowers, Bees flitting about.
A card or note sent to say I love you, a hug when needed.
ladybugs with their beautiful colors and flowers that color our world.
A baby that smiles for the first time, your child say’s their first word.
Your significant other brings you flowers, you give them the gift they have been wanting and you both smile.
The sound of falling rain, the shaking of thunder.
The world is full of so many beautiful things. We just have to look and take in a breath.