My Blog is About Reality Life….

I do occasionally put some humor on here, lol, but I started blogging for those people like me who need to hear about lives that are not always happy and glorious and for people who live with the loss of a child or anxiety,
panic or live with someone who has these issues. Autism (my oldest daughter) ADHD, OCD (me) and so we could all relate or maybe someone wanted to knw what it is .

But I also love to read the happy blogs and the blogs about photography and just fun things because they lift me up! I love to see the smiles, the flowers, the gardens or old landmarks and just everything. So, of course in an already dismal world, my page is not as popular as others but I never expected it to be.
But that is what I love about the beauty of blogging. We can all be ourselves and share with each other our realities and our lives.

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Thank you for believing in us….even through the storms.

Kudos to all you wonderful people who are there for those who are anxious, depressed or have panic. We ARE still the same people but we are just trapped in a prison we have no idea how to escape from. But there are good days too when the light shines through. Fight or Flight? Easier said than done when the fear of sadness hits. Me? I run when it is bad or at least my brain does. When I fight it then that is usually when I lash out to protect myself.
Oddly, I identify with children and animals and they ease my fear and pain. I am often best when someone else is in a state of whatever and I am calm and I help them. But, often during the fight as opposed to flight, I am bold like the old me and I stand up for myself against the people who condemn me. Often those who claim to love and follow the scripture. They might want to read some of that again.
Either way, for those who stand by us and BELIEVE in us, THANK YOU is not enough, even if we may not show it.

The Search……

We, so many of us, search for the impossible dream.
Only to find it was there all along.
It wasn’t money, it wasn’t fame, it wasn’t popularity or being the best.
It is a smile from someone who cares
The soft flow of a brezze
The kiss and hug from a child
The sound of ocean waves as they roll onto the beach
Laughter
Birds singing a song
Friends
A beautiful world filled with flowers and mountains and so much The joy of being loved.
It is there. We just have to look and the search stops.

Quotes

Two things that can bring you to your knees.
The Power of God.
The death of your child.

The path of life is filled with many roads.
The one you choose,
Will determine how green your grass is.

Family isn’t always a biological thing.
It is who has your back
As opposed to who is tabbing you in it.

Time does not heal all wounds.
It only heals the ability to deal with it.
The Book of Understanding. Kindle. L.S. Rockel

I think of you…..everyday.

I know you left us so many years ago and we never got to say goodbye. I never got to see you again after that day because the wreck was so bad and the car blew up. But I want you to know that I think of you everyday. I will never forget your laughter or that beautiful smile.
I will never forget how hard you fought to make bullies your friend but you were a bit different. A little bit of Autism can do that. I know how you got through each day and it was hard when you were young but as you got older you decided to fight back with kindness. That must have been so hard when it was years before you could relate to others like other kids did.
But you got better and you got stronger and you laughed and you made our family laugh and you didn’t care what anybody thought about you because you accepted yourself for you. That made me so proud. I miss all of that and our talks on the porch and the way you had of making things better.
But just so you know, I STILL think of you everyday. I will love you. Always. Love, mom. Sara Nicolle “Nikki”. 1984-2007.

The today of yesterday…..

Strange yes. But it is how a mind with anxiety can work. Today is a new day and yesterday is still stuck in the head. So while most have moved on, those with anxiety or panic are enjoying parts of today but still rehashing everything from yesterday or even three weeks ago.
It is a world of illusion, confusion and and even joy. So, while we battle this strange disorder we know there is hope. We are NOT mentally unstable, we are NOT crazy and we do NOT go out and harm people. lol. For some reason, I have read there are people who think that. No, we are normal but we just have panic and or anxiety or both. we think and re-think everything.
So, those times that we seem anxious, it is just trying to remind ourselves that we are fine and we cannot please everyone. we cannot worry over every little thing. we cannot change people who do not want to be in our lives. But we can refocus, we can learn to take our minds off over thinking and we can learn it is okay to be us. Because most people with anxiety or panic are over achievers, smart and we just have to settle our brains down.

Happy to be able to get on here….. The Panic Train

It has been a hectic week between being sick, working and trying to get projects done but I still was able to make progress. I had some stressful moments and one big one but got through it! I fight this battle with anxiety, depression and panic but at least I am fighting it and trying not to let it win.

I wish I could say there was a cure all but there, so far, is not. At least not for me. But I still keep at it, trying to ensure I have more good days that bad. I do not know why but the stress seems to build sometimes even on a good day. But, I take it as it comes. One battle at a time. I would love to be able to say that I am cured and hey, fantastic but I am better than I was three years ago or even two, so that is a start!