As many of you know, I have issues with Anxiety and being an Empath/ Discerner on top of that can be hard. It has taken a lot of tears, breakdowns, sadness and depression during this past year to really evaluate some things. But I have also become stronger. I have learned, to a degree how to control the feeling of others hurt, wrath, pain and out right attempts to punish me for what I believe in. What I HAVE learned is that the stress brought on an Ulcer and I HAVE to let go of some things. It is a true struggle only Empaths / Discerners can understand as to why it is so hard but I am just throwing positive thoughts into my mind everyday. I am learning to stop listening or to stop reading emails, or texts or anything designed to cause me upset. It is VERY hard but I am learning and that is what matters. Have a great day/evening where ever your are fellow bloggers!
IMGOSH! I am so over the top right now. lol. Like I have a good bit of time to observe and the Empath in me is going nuts. My senses are more alert than ever and I am for sure able to discern really well right now. BUT, on the UP side I have Salty dog (formerly Lucifer) from across the street to keep me entertained, I play a lot of brain games to keep my mind occupied, I write and I do Yoga even when it makes me cry. Yes. Yoga can make me cry because it is the BEST anxiety/ stress reliever BUT it is also hard. But then when I do rarely get out and see others I know my Empath wire starts up. Then, I get more anxious with all the stuff rolling in my mind so back home to Yoga and Meditation! Goodness, I am a multi-freakout. hahahahahaha.
WHY? I sometimes ask myself that question. Often, actually. Why I chose to continue to listen to things said to me as a child. I would never be good enough, I was ugly, I caused problems, I was the reason people did bad things and on and on. I was just a kid. But as I was growing up, those thoughts that were seeded started to grow. On the outside, I seemed to be strong and confidant. On the inside I was a disaster waiting to happen.
And one day, it did happen. all of that negativity set in after the death of my second child. Walls inside started to crumble. A strong mind started to shift. I quit being honest. I just kind of fell apart. I caved in to all the thoughts and the toxic talk. My brain accepted it and I fell. Anxiety set in, doubts, fears and so much.
Now, after a lot of Prayer, Meditation, therapy, and positive thoughts I am starting to climb the crumbled wall of my mind back up to the top. Back to the Sun. I know i will rise above this fear and anxiety. it may take time but it took time to get there. Above all, I ask myself WHY did it take so long to realize those words were painful but not true. I don’t know. But as long as I am trying, I guess it does not matter. NEVER let someone’s toxic words or ways come into your head. It destroys. BUT, you can recover if you learn to stop believing them.
I took a hiatus to clear my mind, soul ,body and hear but it is good to be back on here. I had to do something to help me to get rid of toxins in my head, body and toxic people and relationships that were trying to really keep me down. But I am just as guilty for letting it affect me and letting them do it so I had to step back. But I did. I am feeling clearer and more determined to conquer some things so thank you to everyone who reads my sometimes weird stuff. At least it is not boring all of the time. lol.
Only those who have it, get it. But it can drive us crazy if we try and over think what goes on with this way of Life. I am learning daily as I go how to try and calm it, forget what is so bothering me and people that emotionally drain me for their whatever. I am trying hard to help those in pain and hurt while also not letting those who try and hurt me get the best of me. So, I am learning as I go because for so long I didn’t even know what it was. Then when I did, No clue how to work it.
I have learned…
To love more openly. To give more freely. To not let my Empath wires go crazy. That anxiety can be handled sometimes even when it is extreme. That is not easy but it can happen. To find some of my past interest and work on them. To appreciate. To hope. To try and reach out where I used to cling to aloneness. To laugh more, to fight harder. That I love my Country. To work harder on Yoga and prayer and meditation. To live.
I have been on an awakening journey the last few weeks and it has been crazy. I have faced my Anxiety demons and sometimes I lost and sometimes I won. I have listened to music, I have prayed. I have done Yoga and I have had times I just meditated but one thing I have realized is how much I have settled for things I didn’t have to. As an Empath I let other’s negativity and hate change me. I hid instead of standing up after getting tired of them beating me down. But I have realized I was the Victim because I allowed it. So, never settle for less than what you deserve. ever.
2020 has been the strangest year I have ever encountered I guess in my life. Viruses, hate, protest, division, monster bugs, new species of every area found, fires, tornadoes, tsunamis, hurricanes, draining of my discernment/empath mind, emotional vampires have been rampant. people losing their minds and the list goes on. Ouch! I have never seen a year like this one before and I have to say it has been so far a Mind Bender.! Wow! But I come here for the calm. The place where I share, care, read other blogs and have my read. So, I think today will be a reading day. I need some of YOUR writings to calm my storm and share in yours. or your anime, laughter, joy and tears. Have a great day/ night!
I am just at a drained state of mind. Mentally, I am just at a point where I just cannot even think at times clearly. I have no clue how it came about or what is causing it but it has drained me from writing, art and other things. maybe just the last year has been building up or maybe my mind just needs some serious not over thinking time. Either way, i hope to be more clear headed soon so I can get back to it.
I have been doing a lot of thinking lately and I realized I have spent the last few years often criticized or ‘helped’ by telling me all the things I do or say wrong. It never mattered that I was ready to help anyone who called my ‘honesty’ was too much, my way of saying things was too ‘blunt’ and the list has gone on and on. Today, I realized that no, I just am who I am. Outspoken, loyal, standing up for what I believe in, blunt and at times I am sure, just like everyone prone to have bad moments and days I am just not great to been around. But for once I realize my good outweighs the bad. I may be all the things that were said but my heart is kind and loving. So, take it or leave, I think I like me just the way, I am and who I was designed to be.