The ability to read people can be hard. In the last few months, someone who has tried to destroy my reputation, my life and my ability to even write or do art because they are like a non stop plague has really affected me. Now, even with the ones they are “allowing” to speak to me because they think they succeeded in destroying me have fake faces and black hearts. They can smile all day and fill it with I love you’s. I believed it before because I loved so deeply but now I can see it for what it is. Fake. However, I did a lot of prayer, breathing and meditation this morning and I am not going to let them win. I am going to soldier on as they say and write, work on art, do my photography even if it means standing it alone. Better that than to be caught up again in a pit of snakes. It is hard because I am a kind person but so many times it is those with good hearts who get trampled on. All I can say is if you find yourself in my position, get the steel plated armor on and fight back by being as strong as you can. Let go of the toxin and let love for yourself take over. I hate when I rant like this but I hope to maybe help someone else who is facing what I have and encourage them. SOLDIER ON. Do NOT give up. 🙂
It has been too long since I felt the warm wet sand between my toes. I miss the sound of the waves as they rush on to the sand. The loud yet soothing boom of the ocean and that salty fresh smell. The beautiful sunrises and sunsets and just the over all peace that comes from the ocean. Like a siren singing her call I am drawn to this mystical place that makes me feel so calm and relaxed. Yes. i think it is time for a visit to the beautiful Ocean.
I know. I just wrote about it. But I get writer’s block from so much time inside and I think of things I want to write about and then come here and bam. Blank. I cannot get the words. I am a bit agitated as well. plus all the Political things I try to avoid if I can so there is that. So I am back to using the Yoga to help me stay as calm as I can, the Meditation to help me to try and relax so I can write and lots of Prayer just to get me through. On top of that, my Empath/ Discernment is at an all time high. THAT does not help but I have tons of time to think and observe things socially online soooo… lol… Yes, I am just a tons of laughs! lol.
I have been on an awakening journey the last few weeks and it has been crazy. I have faced my Anxiety demons and sometimes I lost and sometimes I won. I have listened to music, I have prayed. I have done Yoga and I have had times I just meditated but one thing I have realized is how much I have settled for things I didn’t have to. As an Empath I let other’s negativity and hate change me. I hid instead of standing up after getting tired of them beating me down. But I have realized I was the Victim because I allowed it. So, never settle for less than what you deserve. ever.
Wow! Okay. For those who have followed my Parakeets, I homed them to a new home and the follow ups she is sending me are great. They are very happy. I just couldn’t get to them enough to spend quality time because I have a zoo of dumped off animals that I cannot get help with, my own dogs, and work! Yikes! But hey, I am blessed that it gets my mind off of Anxiety for a bit. I am duking it out with Lucifer the dog (just kidding) I actually laugh at him, unless he is off the leash and chasing me. he is the Houdini of leash escapes. I HAVE been doing Yoga, meditation, and Prayer. Lots of those. And I still fight anxiety but this has been a somewhat better week off and on. The only hard part is the Empath road has been high. I sure hope all of you have been having a great week!
Sometimes I cry because this life can be so lonely and then others I am overwhelmed with joy at those times when I can be happy. It is so hard not to have friends. It is so hard to know you are not accepted like other people because you are just so blunt and so different. But then joy comes with the few who love you. Usually the younger ones or the ones who know your pain. I am in one of those modes today. Just crying because I feel so damn alone. But I come here at those times where I am accepted just as I am. I come here on the joy days to share some of the things I find funny. I come here just to feel accepted by others who have never even physically given me a hug. Sorry. Just a down day. lol. But I have the good days too and for that I am blessed.
I have been waiting for the Covid results that came back negative and that was great! But in the days waiting, I pushed my Yoga, meditation, and Prayer as much as I could! I thought I would fall out but I had to do it to stay sane. I did it over and over and over everyday but I am glad. It helped even if my Anxiety kept screaming “You are going to have it!” my mind was at least calmed from a Nervous break down by doing all of these things. I am so glad now that I did because it kept me on at least a base level of sanity. lol
I have no idea why but EVERY full moon and the night before I just cannot get to sleep. I do not even know if this is normal but I know it is agitating! I just wonder if anyone else has this issue? Not a long post but I am just curious because it is so weird!
I actually went to the Yoga room and did some Yoga to clear my mind a bit, relieve some anxiety and just to do SOMETHING to bring tranquility. I did some prayers, some meditation and I even did Tai Chi. You would think my body would be rock tight but no. I am not. Why? because once I am done hunger sets in and I am bored so I eat. Junk. Then I try to make up for it with fruit and veggies. But all in all at least I do have something to help. Or at least I think I do. My writing has been so scrambled here lately I think I need a trip to the Beach. Oh wait. they are closing most of them again. Do saltwater baths act like the Ocean? just kidding. lol
I have challenged myself during this time to try and make my mind build strength again as I battled the Anxiety and more. I fight and fought it. And to my delight, it is a slow walk but I am becoming stronger. mentally and Physically and more. Yes, I am still battling Anxiety but I know it could have been much worse. Each day I find myself just a spoon full stronger but every little spoonful adds up. I walk now more, I am eating better, I am challenging my mind. I do Yoga, Yardwork, Devotional time, prayer, meditation and ANYTHING to keep my mind busy and I even play Brain games. NO, I do not do all of it everyday but I do some of it everyday. I accepted the challenge Thank god, so far, I am winning. Thanks to all of you who support me and keep me hanging in there and encourage me. You are a huge part of this battle! have a great day/night fellow bloggers/writers. Team US!