I do occasionally put some humor on here, lol, but I started blogging for those people like me who need to hear about lives that are not always happy and glorious and for people who live with the loss of a child or anxiety,
panic or live with someone who has these issues. Autism (my oldest daughter) ADHD, OCD (me) and so we could all relate or maybe someone wanted to knw what it is .
But I also love to read the happy blogs and the blogs about photography and just fun things because they lift me up! I love to see the smiles, the flowers, the gardens or old landmarks and just everything. So, of course in an already dismal world, my page is not as popular as others but I never expected it to be.
But that is what I love about the beauty of blogging. We can all be ourselves and share with each other our realities and our lives.
I have been doing good and having a majority of good days but today started off thus far kind of back sliding. I woke at 5:30 a.m. with pain across my breast bone. I fell back asleep but when I got up for the day, it was still there gnawing at me. I got nervous, of course and went to look it up. I RARELY do that anymore but of course you know how we get at pains or scary unknown hurts.
It seems to be common an I hope it is but at first, one of the signs was heart attack. I pray not because it is gone mostly now but the dumb thing about panic and anxiety that I hate is that it is often confused with heart attack so it is always scary.
Needless to say, I had to have some calm down time. It is so crazy this secret world we live in because it is mixed with joy, fear, happy and scared. So, I am now at a calmer state but I wish they could come up with a magic watch that tells us what is actually going on. Kind of like a built in heart monitor on the watch that beeps out, “NO, you are fine. This is NOT heart related or NO you are fine, it is a stomach thing. I have Crohn’s so that doesn’t help sometimes.
So today, I will probably worry but I TRY no to run to urgent care at every pain. Then I just hope and pray I am right and if it doesn’t get better I guess I end up going. However, that is the stupid up and down of anxiety and/or panic and it just plain sucks sometimes. So, I will try to be positive, reflect on my blessings and just relax.
Kudos to all you wonderful people who are there for those who are anxious, depressed or have panic. We ARE still the same people but we are just trapped in a prison we have no idea how to escape from. But there are good days too when the light shines through. Fight or Flight? Easier said than done when the fear of sadness hits. Me? I run when it is bad or at least my brain does. When I fight it then that is usually when I lash out to protect myself.
Oddly, I identify with children and animals and they ease my fear and pain. I am often best when someone else is in a state of whatever and I am calm and I help them. But, often during the fight as opposed to flight, I am bold like the old me and I stand up for myself against the people who condemn me. Often those who claim to love and follow the scripture. They might want to read some of that again.
Either way, for those who stand by us and BELIEVE in us, THANK YOU is not enough, even if we may not show it.
It was and is at the worst times of my life that I need you, not during the good. The good times are when we can laugh together. But to be able to laugh, it is so needed to have you there when it is storming in my mind, the rain is pouring, I have prayed, cried, tried, or done anything to make this chaos go away.
You always have an excuse or “it is my fault” but love is about being there during those times. You are for others. When I am at my worst is when I need you to be there at your best. I never knew that being there when I was needed but then asking for help when I need it would result in so much judgment. I thought that was what love was for. I believe, of course, I will get through it but I just needed you. And you were gone until everything was fine again. But it has always been that way.
I can be funny, I can be hard, I can be sweet and i am sometimes sad. I love, i live and I get mad. I am human with all the mistakes that go with it. I am loyal and will defend someone I love even when they emotionally slap me in the face. But inside, I am pretty much an okay person. I will help anyone that I can. I will stand up for what I believe in. I can be annoying. I can be the biggest pain to deal with but I still am one of the best friends a person could ever have. i am strong for my family, weak by myself but a fighter. I fight to battle anxiety and I battle to be good in a world gone crazy. Sometimes, yeah, i am just too much. But at the end of the day. I. Am. Just. Me……..
The sweet singing of birds, Children laughing, people smiling.
Butterflies dancing on the flowers, Bees flitting about.
A card or note sent to say I love you, a hug when needed.
ladybugs with their beautiful colors and flowers that color our world.
A baby that smiles for the first time, your child say’s their first word.
Your significant other brings you flowers, you give them the gift they have been wanting and you both smile.
The sound of falling rain, the shaking of thunder.
The world is full of so many beautiful things. We just have to look and take in a breath.
Hello world out there! In a society where many people have their contact with other humans here or on social media, we need to connect. It may be joining each other’s facebook to talk with people we have become friends with, such as places like here. Who knows what adventure may come of it? We might actually meet up, a few of us and go do something in the real world. We might live too far away so we connect somewhere. But we NEED the connection. I say what does it hurt to try it? Start a group where we can all keep up with each other, find out what we like and don’t like. What we love and don’t love but if nothing else, connect and make new friends.