God, do you hear me? I think sometimes you do.

God, I often come to you in despair, sometimes in joy, sometimes to talk and sometimes to cry. I often wondered if you heard me and sometimes I still do. But I know that you are listening and I know you know what I need.

You gave me the ability to love art and photography and my family and people. Abused animals and children are what I hurt for the most. People say why do bad things happen? I don’t always know but I know that we have free will. When a person does something bad, you are blamed first.

Why? You gave us minds to think on our own and to choose our own paths. if a person kills, steals, rapes. abuses  or other horrific things, it was a choice they made. I sometimes question you and ask, “Are you listening? Don’t you hear my cry?” But yes, you do. I just don’t always have the patience to wait out the answer.

I am human and sometimes God, I get mad at how the answers turn out and I get hurt when I have asked and it doesn’t come to be. But then, I am human. And we know how that goes. So I just wanted to say that even when i am unsure, yes, I know you are listening and sometimes, when I stop long enough to give you a chance, I feel you there.

A Poem for the day I wrote & a random quote from me.

Random quote: I am proud of who I am and what I have become. The sweat and tears it took to get there and the love I found along the way.

     THE SEARCH

We search all of our lives for the impossible dream.

Only to find it was there all along.

It wasn’t money, it wasn’t fame, it wasn’t popularity.

It is a smile from someone who cares,

the soft blow of a breeze or the love of a child,

the sound of ocean waves as they roll onto the white clean sand,

The song of a bird,

or just the joy of being loved.

Anxiety & Panic

I am exploring all the realms of dealing with this. At the current moment, I am using the control of my mind to try and block out the anxiety and panic. if i feel it coming on, I try and block it with a positive thought and the mind set that I am stronger mentally .

I am pretending I am at war and this battle is me and the enemy, panic and anxiety. I am letting go of things I cannot control and trying very hard not to dwell, as I so often do, on a certain thing.

It has been three days and I cannot say I have NOT had moments BUT I can say i was able to overcome them really quick. Soooo, for not me-3, panic and anxiety-0 on these three days. I will just keep doing this, L.W. and hope I can retrain my brain to overcome.  Oh and I have taken up Yoga again.

When did you forget her?

Not the first year. Not much the second year but when she died, when did you forget her? Her name is rarely mentioned, her fb is never written in memory, her picture is never liked. Did you forget her when it was less painful to remember or did you just not really think of her even before?

Did you forget what she brought to our lives? Did you forget as life went on and it really meant that forgetting her was part of it? Do you ever go to her site and just remember? Did you forget how she laughed, did your forget her beautiful smile?

I wonder because I did not, can not and will not. I will never forget the horrible crash or the fire that consumed her body so that we could only do a cremation. I will never forget the part of my heart that left with her and I am glad because I am reminded everyday she is gone. I am glad she does not have to suffer anymore but I still remember.

Did you forget her when it became more of a hassle to put somewhere that you loved her? Was it because she was 23 and not 10 when she died? Was it because she meant nothing of enough importance to even think about? Look at her picture, think of who she was and I hope, then, you remember.

My blogs and why I write them

I write these blogs to encourage, to help people who suffer from issues I do, to bring hope to some who feel alone and to share stories and talk to fellow bloggers. I write a variety of things from quotes, thoughts on life, issues with panic and anxiety, stories, poems and more. I also share my photography and artwork that i do as part of my headline.

I hope it does help some and encourage. I hope others enjoy the poems, stories and thoughts. I also hope the art and photography brings a smile to some people. So, that is why I blog and I try to read as much as i can from my fellow bloggers, like and share some of the the things I like and although i may not always reply, I am reading. 🙂 Have a great day!

A Zombie world day 2

Now 36, she was used to all kids of weird things happening but the rat attacking her had put a really bad taste to her day. However, it would only be later that she realized how blessed she truly was. The Journalist, Ronald Simp, went home, got his wife Maurita, a teacher at the local school and had her take him to the hospital. He was treated and released after being given a rabies vaccine until he could go back and try and find the rat. Until then he would have to come back for rabies treatment.

 

The time of infection was different for each person. The nurse, Andrina, was infected when Ronald’s open wound got on a cut she had that had not fully healed and she was often absent minded about putting on her surgical gloves with patients. It took 3 hours before she began running a high fever. She was going to call off and go home but the hospital was filling up with sick patients and she had never seen so many at once so she decided to stay. Andrina worked, attended to patients and passed along the infection to some who might have survived but she was coughing and it in turn infected them, most of whom were not immune. Neither was she. When the infection finally affected her, she was helping a doctor stitch a wound while he checked two other patients, and the heat came on. Within minutes, she had attacked the Doctor.

 

Ronald Simp, the Journalist, took 7 hours and while having relations with his wife, bit her on the neck but since this was not unusual in their routine, she just thought he bit a little harder than usual. While she was at school the next day, her husband became fully infected and was the first in his neighborhood to attack someone when he was brought a mail delivery. The mail carrier, Richard Townsley, was bored and hot, waiting for someone to answer the door. It was his last delivery for the day and he was tired and at 300 lbs. sweating profusely. He hated the job but it paid good so he kept it. He was strumming his fingers on the box he was delivering when the man opened the door.

 

Richard stepped back without realizing it when he saw the mans crazed look and his eyes that were red and a dark purplish color on the pupils. He was about to drop the box and run when the man grabbed him and ripped his throat open with his teeth and then drank the sprouting blood. Ronald then ran out of the house, looking for fresh blood. As for Mack Buyer, he was immune but not fully.. He was now a carrier for as long as he had a fever. When his fever let up his immunity would kick in.