So much has changed in this new “normal”. Locked in, facetime for family and friends, mask, anxiety, Fear, sickness, tears, a longing to be with those you love, a desire to be in that church you always assumed would be open. The Yoga classes, the gym and the work place where it was always such a chore. the schools where our children met, learned and played. This new “normal” has sucked in so many ways. But there have been blessings too. Learning to appreciate what we took for granted. The freedom to see who we wanted when we wanted, the ones who loved being alone then found that having the opportunity to get out taken away made some of us want to reach out. It has made me have such an appreciation for things I just never worried about. I never knew wearing a mask could be so weird but I know how those with cancer must have felt or feel. The blessings have been seeing just how much we will now absorb and breathe in the ability to be able to be free again. So, along with the chaos cam the blessing of learning again how precious life can be.
I am trying to replace negative thoughts and mindset with a positive one. I just an extreme over thinker and I am also an Empath/ Discerner so that can be hard but I am learning slowly to replace those negatives with a positive. So, when I worry about a person or a thing and if, for example, they are mad or upset or if I have done something, I replace it with No, there is nothing I have done and if I have, I apologize but like I used to. I do not worry now for days and every minute. I just replace with the thought that I did what i could so there. When I over worry about what could happen, I stay in the moment and realize I am fine for now. It is a very long process but at least I am giving it my best shot. i am also doing positive imaging. Try to place positive images in my mind. So, that is my place for now!
In Georgia we get so many seasons rolled into one week until Summer. Each week, (unless it is Summertime when we have pretty much nothing but hot, sweltering, skin drenched days of heat, ) we get just such a variety of Weather. Like one day it is 65 to 70 and Sunny, the next day we have monsoon rain and flooding to be followed by a possible choice (not ours of course) of either really warm and breezy or not breezy, or Icelandic temps with gushing and biting wind that can give you frostbite. Of course no snow with any of that or rarely anyway. If we have rumors of snow, then yes, it is true. we get people buying all of the milk and bread up. Mix into that, during this spell of temps., you can sometimes fit in a Summer day with hot temps. Then Summer comes. Just hot, hotter and hottest. So, there is our yearly forecast for sweet Peach and pumpkin filled Ga. I might add, I do love it here. Just not the weird climate. lol.
I know. I just wrote about it. But I get writer’s block from so much time inside and I think of things I want to write about and then come here and bam. Blank. I cannot get the words. I am a bit agitated as well. plus all the Political things I try to avoid if I can so there is that. So I am back to using the Yoga to help me stay as calm as I can, the Meditation to help me to try and relax so I can write and lots of Prayer just to get me through. On top of that, my Empath/ Discernment is at an all time high. THAT does not help but I have tons of time to think and observe things socially online soooo… lol… Yes, I am just a tons of laughs! lol.
WHY? I sometimes ask myself that question. Often, actually. Why I chose to continue to listen to things said to me as a child. I would never be good enough, I was ugly, I caused problems, I was the reason people did bad things and on and on. I was just a kid. But as I was growing up, those thoughts that were seeded started to grow. On the outside, I seemed to be strong and confidant. On the inside I was a disaster waiting to happen.
And one day, it did happen. all of that negativity set in after the death of my second child. Walls inside started to crumble. A strong mind started to shift. I quit being honest. I just kind of fell apart. I caved in to all the thoughts and the toxic talk. My brain accepted it and I fell. Anxiety set in, doubts, fears and so much.
Now, after a lot of Prayer, Meditation, therapy, and positive thoughts I am starting to climb the crumbled wall of my mind back up to the top. Back to the Sun. I know i will rise above this fear and anxiety. it may take time but it took time to get there. Above all, I ask myself WHY did it take so long to realize those words were painful but not true. I don’t know. But as long as I am trying, I guess it does not matter. NEVER let someone’s toxic words or ways come into your head. It destroys. BUT, you can recover if you learn to stop believing them.
I want to get back to more cheerful post but this is a tough time of year for me and 2020 sure has not helped. However, with a lot of stress and that time of year I cry over my daughter ( natural when you lose a child) and she loved the Holidays and then left us in February, three days after Valentines. Soooo, to try and bring some happy that is locked inside of me. So I am doing my exercises and prayer and doing the things needed to help me appreciate my blessings. I am blessed to have this place to come to.
I know if, like me, many empaths like old homes. The history, the feelings, the lives, the everything that comes with them. It is like walking back into time. I know for me, I have been in some that I could feel so many different things. Some good, some bad but all of them are unique and I love them. The photo shown is just one I found and not beauty at its best but the history behind it must be incredible!
An introvert, mom, writer, empath, yoga freak, prayer lover, artist, writer, animal activist.
Poet, photographer, a lover of nature, traveling by car to see everything I can, anxiety fighter.
A person who loves too deep, thinks too much, writes because I love it, feels others pains and emotions, struggles with Yoga but I have a love/hate relationship.
A person who believes Life can be good because we have it.
I believe ALL lives matter because it is not about a race or a heritage. It is about living, breathing humans. It is about mothers, fathers, children, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. It is about the drug addict, the alcoholic, those suffering form mental issues, those who are fine. Doctors, Teachers, Nurses, Store employees, Servers. the point is, to me, it is about us ALL! Because we all belong to someone’s love. And if there is someone no one cares about, then if we see that we should show love. Because to me. ALL . LIVES. MATTER.
I do not get it. I just do not. I try really hard to be a good person but then I seem to get totally screwed over and again. I understand people do not like to be anything but happy but life is real. I lost so many friends when I lost my daughter because it was “real”. I have lost friends because they ask for honesty so I was honest and they turn on me. I get so anxious because it seems you cannot win for losing. I know this is a negative post. I usually try to stay upbeat but I am a human. I do have bad days. sorry. this was just one of those bad days.