The Human Touch…..

Sometimes in the midst of all of our moments of hurt, anger, or just life in general, it is nice to feel the touch of another Human. I used to hate to be touched during high stress or hurt and still do not like it when I am angry but I did find that just the touch of another Human is often calming. Whether it is holding their hand, fingers touching, a hug or just a simple caress it soothes me. I think in a World filled with less and less Human connection due to so many ways to reach out electronically, it is almost like a lost art. I am trying to get it back. Have a great day/evening wherever you are!

Of course I changed when you left us. What parent wouldn’t? ………..

It has been a few years since you died. I used to not even be able to say that word but do now because you did. You took a piece of my heart with you. This time of year is hard because you loved Holidays. I laugh, I enjoy your nieces and i enjoy life but it does not change the loss of you. My heart still cries and I still cry. Not everyday but I think of you everyday.

People say I changed well yeah. I did. I lost something worth more than any money in the World. I lost you. I am blessed to have your sister and her precious babies. you would have been the best Aunt ever. I laugh with them. The oldest 12, knows all about you and she even writes you notes and ask about your life. The baby is only 15 months so of course she doesn’t yet. Your sister misses having someone to talk to. I miss your laughter and how you never took life so seriously. Little things were that. Nothing to stress over.

You had challenges with Autism but you made it through struggle after struggle. I am a bit harsher now with life. I am not the old me. but I don’t have to be. the “new” me that came a bit after you died saw life from a different view. I still love, I still feel blessed with your sister and family but I will get “over” losing you. I love you. Always. Love, mom.

A Childhood Home……

I never had a home that I grew up in for years with friends that I kept and still know. We moved around several times a year and I often wonder when I hear others talk about it what that would have been like. It seems like a Fairytale to me. Not to say that I was not happy but it just never gave me the chance to bond those friendships. I remember some homes we had that I loved and I have family we visited often when we lived in another state. Just when I was talking to someone the other day and listening about their home and how they grew up, I thought, “wow, that sounds so wonderful!” All in all, I learned many things moving around, I got to see many different States in our beautiful Country and it made me adjust to change which is ironic because now I have to force myself from a rigid routine BUT I just wish maybe sometimes I had that to reflect on. Life as a child drifter. Lol. Have a great day/evening wherever you are!

Grief is like a Current in the River… Ever changing…..

When I lost my children, one at two days, my son Ryan, and my daughter, Nikki in a wreck with three of her friends, I did not realize how much grief can change on a daily basis. It takes a while to get over the shock that numbs you from going insane but it does not stop the pain or tears. I never realized the ups and down and like a flowing river, you have calm places, turbulent areas and dangerous pulls. Grief has been like that to me. I have times I am calm and smile at the memories. Days when I fall apart and just cry. I also have days when anger overcomes it all and I find myself fighting the pain. As time goes on I find more days of calm water but the under current is always there. Waiting.

COVID, you suck…. Been off for a bit…

WOW! I have had a LOT of family hit with Covid the last month or so and now another one this week. This is a horrible thing for them and it is scary. Some do great and whip through while others are having a harder time. So I have been focusing on that and I am just too mentally drained to write. This is such a hard situation. You go loco if you try to be cautious and stay away from people and places but then I have seen first hand where going out or just even using every pre-caution you can they still got it. I am ready for this bad boy to hang up its guns and go away!

The Holidays are here…. 2020 has been so tough that I put up Christmas decor inside… Need some cheer..

I usually have as most of us do, Thanksgiving with family and then I usually have our Annual Christmas party at my home where most of the family tried to gather together. However, due to everyone dealing with sickness, Covid, etc. or just the scare of Covid, I had to cancel my party this year. However, I decided to put up some Christmas anyway and early. Yes, I know. Only November but I love glitter, it helps my anxiety right now and so it makes me smile. So I posted a couple of my Holiday pics. If you hate it when people do that and I usually wait at least until after Thanksgiving (lol) then you may not want to peek. haahaha. Good day/evening fellow bloggers!

WordPress and why I love it here…..

I can come and share with some of the best bloggers in the World. I can express what I think, feel and like or do not like and we all stand in acceptance of each other, even when we may not agree. I love to be able to be myself and share my innermost feelings, my life in Society and just anything that helps to love, live, appreciate and enjoy. I share my heart when I am down about the loss of children, depression, anxiety, yoga, well you get it. Here. I can be me.

Be there for the elderly couples separated by this Virus….. Find a way to help them through……

I had heard many stories of elderly couples whose spouse got sick and they had to be apart after years of being with each other. It has been devastating for them. It happened to my family this week. After a battle with many cancers, my dad was finally beating another. He was weak but recovering at home. Then the virus hit and his Doctor appointments were cancelled but he seemed to be okay. Then, he started having pain. We had ambulances come to check him but he was scared to go to the hospital. He knew he would be separated from my mom due to the Covid-19 rules. Finally, he had to go. They took him and no she couldn’t be there. due to his pain, he was checked. No Covid-19 but his Cancer had come back and he had it everywhere. He had to spend his first 24 hours away from any of us. Then he was moved to Hospice, where, thank God, my mom was allowed to spend his last few hours with him though no other family. They had never spent much time apart in all of their marriage. If not for the brief hours at Hospice, he would have had to die alone with NO family. PLEASE if you know of any families going through this, elderly or even young families, find a way you can be there for them. There are so many ways to reach out if you cannot be there in person. Hugs to all of us fellow/bloggers/ writers. Rest well now my sweet Dad.