I just do not have much to say… That month of the year. Born in January. Killed in February years later…

This is a hard time. I have learned to still live, love and survive but you NEVER get over it. I find I have writers block every year at this time. I can only seem to focus on writing about her. She was kind and so sweet. She did try to laugh off everything and she made friends from the bullies at school. She was bullied because of her Autism and her way of thinking. She dressed as she wanted. She ate as she could. Food could not touch and of course, bullies watch for stuff like that. But, she somehow never fought back but she stood her ground. She had kids come to her service and say, “I am so sorry. I picked on her at first but you just could NOT be mean to Sara after a while because she was just her. She would keep smiling”. She made me see what I was doing and she helped me to be a better person, not a bully”. She was the very essence of love that didn’t judge. So, this is why I am writing these stories. It is the time when I think of all the things I lost when I lost her but the gift she left behind that taught me to keep on, love others and appreciate life. I love. you. Sara Nicolle. always. Love, Mom

The first child of your child……

So the daughter marries, life is great. She finds out they are having a baby and the fun begins. Kind of. The beautiful bundle arrives and then. I am no longer experienced as a mom. There are rules. Wash my hands , use caution when transferring baby. Oooops,no, no, with a sweet smile she shows me how to feed such tiny infant. I have never had a child before. I mean, where did this adult come from that just had THIS baby? lol. Then a few months go by and now I get to babysit at her house. Yes, her home because ALL of the baby’s needs are there. Sooooo, I go through the 45 page list of instructions with her and smile. I assure her I will follow them to a tee. I neatly place them on a the table and assure her all will be fine as I usher her and my son-in-law out the door. Once I am sure they are gone, I have a blast with my little grand baby of love and I take great care of her. I will burn the instructions when I get home because I have been here and done that. lol Have a wonderful night or day wherever you are! 🙂

Christmas looked dismal and then a beautiful thing happened…

Christmas morning was just blah. I felt depressed, anxious, alone and my husband felt the same. Then, out of nowhere my sister called. she lives about an hour away but she was having a kind of blah day too. She and her girls invited us up. At first I didn’t want to go but then we said, “why not?” and we packed up some stuff to make spaghetti, our Trivial pursuit game and off we went.
We got there and hubby made dinner and we all worked together. My niece’s boyfriend showed up. As Christmas songs played on the radio, we played and laughed and just had some of the things I said I had been searching for in Christmas. It was a wonderful time and we had fun without phones or electronics. Just people, together, laughing and spending time together. What a beautiful time it turned out to be. I hope all of you had a wonderful day too!

The little dog……………..

Buddy. The little dog
13 years old and still little and I love him.
He is a friend
a loyal dog who is by my side at all times when I am home
He is sweet
Loving
friendly
gets scared of everything
A ray of sunshine in my life.
He is one of the greatest pet gifts ever given to me.
He is The little dog that loves.
Buddy

After the tornado, A man and his trains…

The photo is courtesy of Donna Surgenor. Thank you. He is well past 80. He has fought battles with cancer and won and still fights one. He retired as a Major. But that is only the part of the story. The man I am writing about is my step dad and he has taught me so much. How to hang on, how to be strong and now I hope I can help him. His and my moms home where my sister, twins and youngest son live was hit by the tornadoes in Ga last week. We are blessed they were all gone and not killed as so many others sadly were.
But this story is about him and some trains. See, he grew up really poor and they never had money for much of anything. But, I guess when he was about 12, his dad was able to give him a train. Not a set but one little train. He cherished it and has kept it all these years and during his life, he added to that little train until he finally had a collection of them. He went into the army to help support his family and to be able to get his teeth fixed. And he bought nothing for himself but trains here and there.
As I said earlier he served our country and retired a Major. But he never forgot that first little train and for years we watched with the joy on his face as he would run those trains on the set up he made and show us how and what kind they were and the story behind them. While we were so blessed, my heart broke when I saw the tornado had destroyed his trains. The treasure in his heart that he took such pride in. There is no replacing that first train or the others, Many were very old.
But, just like everything, he just sees the good and say’s how blessed that they were all ok. But I see the heartache in his picture. I love you Papa and I am so glad you are still here with us. But if I could have given you anything, it would have been that your trains were spared. The reminder of how bad things used to be but how hard you worked to make things good in life. I am sorry. I love you.

I love my fellow bloggers and yes I do read and like the post but…..

I LOVE being able to have such a variety of fellow bloggers and we can all have so many different things to share! I have just so many things we can share about. Animals, panic, anxiety, loss of a child, parenting, life in general and poetry and so much more! I read so many and I take turns to get to them all as I can BUT I HAVE A PROBLEM. I read a fellow blogger who said they will like and then it goes away and I also have this problem! Some go through and I HOPE stick and some do not stay at all! It bothers me because I want my fellow bloggers to know I love their stuff and I do read and like it but this makes it appear that I do not. So, I am just letting you all know thank you for reading and liking my stuff and I hope you can see where I read and like yours too!

Why didn’t I know? Loss of child…

You left us and it has been almost twelve years now since your wreck. Sometimes though I look at your pictures and think how did I not know the loss of your weight or that something might be off? your friends said later you would go through times of feeling sad but I never saw it and you never told me?
We talked all of the time. You lived with us. But you were always smiling and joking and made your family laugh. Maybe you just didn’t want to see me sad.
But I believe in my heart you were happy. I really do. I am just sorry you never told me you were sad. I would have helped you through it. I love you. Always. Love, mom.