An introvert, mom, writer, empath, yoga freak, prayer lover, artist, writer, animal activist.
Poet, photographer, a lover of nature, traveling by car to see everything I can, anxiety fighter.
A person who loves too deep, thinks too much, writes because I love it, feels others pains and emotions, struggles with Yoga but I have a love/hate relationship.
A person who believes Life can be good because we have it.
I am just at a drained state of mind. Mentally, I am just at a point where I just cannot even think at times clearly. I have no clue how it came about or what is causing it but it has drained me from writing, art and other things. maybe just the last year has been building up or maybe my mind just needs some serious not over thinking time. Either way, i hope to be more clear headed soon so I can get back to it.
I have been doing a lot of thinking lately and I realized I have spent the last few years often criticized or ‘helped’ by telling me all the things I do or say wrong. It never mattered that I was ready to help anyone who called my ‘honesty’ was too much, my way of saying things was too ‘blunt’ and the list has gone on and on. Today, I realized that no, I just am who I am. Outspoken, loyal, standing up for what I believe in, blunt and at times I am sure, just like everyone prone to have bad moments and days I am just not great to been around. But for once I realize my good outweighs the bad. I may be all the things that were said but my heart is kind and loving. So, take it or leave, I think I like me just the way, I am and who I was designed to be.
Tonight I am sitting by my little dog Buddy and praying he will be okay. It is raining hard outside tonight and the tears are falling as I watch him. He is right at 15 years old. we found out a few months ago he had a part of his heart that is enlarged and causes seizures. he had four today. They said no operating because of his age and that he would not live through it. This little guy was there when my daughter died. he would just sit beside me as I cried so many times and never move. He has been with me at my loneliest. He has been my steady, helpful friend my loyal little Buddy. He has helped me through nights of anxiety or panic so bad that I would hold him crying just to get through. So tonight, I am sitting with him. I am going to be his friend so he isn’t alone as we fight through these seizures. I will be his comfort, I will pet him so he isn’t scared. Tonight my sweet Buddy, I am here for you. As it rains from the sky, so it does from my heart. I love you.
So many times friends or family will try and give advice on anxiety that they do not have and it always turns sour. They mean well I KNOW that. But Anxiety is not something I chose to have. NO ONE would. Your battle is almost constantly a war with your mind. You are given a reprieve occasionally with medication where you do have fear of another attack. I do try it all. Yoga, meditation, prayer, studies, you tube, you name it. But as of now, I have NOT conquered it. I am trying. I wish there were a cure all. I wish you didn’t have to try and understand me. I don’t even understand me. I do not wish this on myself or anyone else. I also just wish so many people did not think that you can just wish it away. I wish I could. My Anxiety thought for the day. Have a great day/night fellow bloggers!
Some days I just find myself in a whirlwind of emotions. I am fighting the every ready Anxiety that tried to bring me down. I feel that fear that comes with asking myself if I am okay or is it just anxiety? I grip onto my mind and tell it to stop. Just stop. Then I pray. I do my Yoga. I put Lavender oil I make behind my ears and on my wrist. Then I start to get calmer and finally I can breathe okay instead of running to my room to get away from everything. I know why I have the anxiety and fear and I know I can beat it but for now I am happy each time I just manage to win the war and not let the fear and anxiety overtake me.
I have no idea why but EVERY full moon and the night before I just cannot get to sleep. I do not even know if this is normal but I know it is agitating! I just wonder if anyone else has this issue? Not a long post but I am just curious because it is so weird!
Well I am not sure if it is all of the praying, yoga, tai-chi, meditation or lack of people. Maybe all of the above but my empath ability is on low gear. I think probably not being around people because the others are for my Anxiety and Panic. But, either way, I am like on a no feel zone with others in ways to gauge what they are feeling. However, it sure has helped me in the anxiety department. Oh well, just thought I would share that!
I am trying hard to battle this and I have not had a panic attack, an actual panic attack in two years. So much is going on that I Am not sure if it was the stress of worrying, quarantine for so long, or just life in general but it went away after ice compression and breathing. Almost had another this morning. For those of us who live it, it is so hard to do so good and then, BOOM, out of nowhere it comes. It is just mind over all of it and I know that but on top of it I am dealing with people who just do not care and it is just hard. I have some family support (so blessed) but like the loss of a child, you have to live it to understand it and they are trying hard. Hugs and/ or prayers to all of us who have it. Have a great day/evening fellow bloggers!
It is hard to write and for some hard to read. But panic and anxiety is so hard. Waking up from a sleep and feeling so weird because you are suddenly feeling that “warmth” that usually means an attack is coming. Wanting to get out bed to get, for me in helping, a cold bottled water but not able from fear of what if it is something else? Not wanting to wake your other, if you have one but it is embarrassing to ask for their help. Going to bed early just to be awake but play an online game or anything to get your mind off of it. The feeling that I have lost the freedom not to be scared it could come on fast and sometimes for no reason.
It is the fear of wondering if something else is wrong so I try the “difference” method. If I can slow it sown it is panic or anxiety. If I cannot, I need to seek help. It is a continuous mind game with my brain. I am trying really hard and the isolation doesn’t really help. But I just felt the need to write this today in case someone else out there is feeling this. You are NOT alone.