Some days are great now and some days I am just a wreck. I have never had something so hard to deal with or understand. I cannot seem to fix this no matter what I do. Yes, it is better than it was but I do prayer, yoga, meditation, stay busy and think positive. I try not to over think anymore, a challenge in itself.
I try to do ALL of the things I have read about and I ty to just “let” things go but I swear, there are still days I am like freaked out. Today both of my arms hurt. why? who freaking knows? I have cut back on a lot of things. I hate it. I hate the feeling it gives me at times. I have even become more social. Oh well, I guess for whatever reason, it is still a fight no matter what I do. But I just keep trying to get better with it. I think maybe I need therapy for my daughter and losing her but after 12 years, I thought I was coping okay with it but I don’t think I am. ANXIETY and PANIC sucks. lol
I have come really far in my battle against panic and anxiety and I am so glad but yesterday, it just hit out of the blue. I have been staying busy but I saw the signs coming and I was like, NO! But it came anyway and so I had to ride the tide through it. I finally did get through but I have to say wow, it sure came out of nowhere! So, I just battle on but at least I am still trying. 🙂
I had so much anxiety this past weekend that I just immersed myself in my art and graphics. I love doing them until I can do no more. It helps many times with my anxiety though not always but I am going to do some more today. For those of us who have anxiety try painting watercolors or those books or just paint. It doesn’t matter whether you are an artist or not, just paints lines, blotches, whatever! I suggested watercolor because it allows the paint to spread out and use calming colors. Well, my tip for the day! off to work!
As most of you know by now, I deal with panic and anxiety. I have tried many methods that work such as yoga, meditation, Tai Chi and more but sometimes I just cannot stop to do that. recently, I was really thinking about what I could do on those times or how to “fix” this. I have only been doing it for about a week or so but I am interested in seeing how it turns out. So I wanted to share it with you. The mind processes words so fast, that have you ever noticed if you question someone on something and they deny it, even if you know they are known to be dishonest, at first, you believe it. Your mind accepts and believes it until over time you realize you cannot believe them and your mind starts doubting them until finally, you do not believe them at all.
I decided to try that with the panic and anxiety. I am starting with words. So when a such as nervous or I am feeling panicked or whatever, I replace that word with, for example, tranquil, over and over. I believe in that word. Or another example, is fine. Then I say I am fine. over and over and over. I am trying to re-train my mind back to healthy thoughts and words even if my environment may not be the best at the time. So, we will see, L.W. where it goes and I really hope it works and wanted to share with my fellow anxiety and panic peeps.
I am learning to overcome things that make me anxious, learning being the key word. I do great and then it seems that tiny things will cause me to stumble. So, I am just bumbling along on my journey, enjoying some great days and then falling down when I have days that every tiny thing will make me fall down.
But I AM learning and I AM trying so I see that as a fantastic step up from where I was a year ago! I know those who suffer from panic and anxiety like I do will understand how hard this walk is and how strong you have to try and be to overcome it. Maybe I can overcome this but if not, maybe I can learn to live with it a little bit better. Have a great evening!
We ALL go through bumps in the road, chaos, and so many things and for some of us it is a little different. We have lost children, suffer from anxiety or other things that cannot be seen like a physical illness but that is when I have been shunned the most. How many TIMES do I have to say, YOU do not understand and I am not asking you to but PLEASE over look the times I freak out or I am going through depression and be there as opposed to writing me off because I should not have “acted” that way and you cannot take it anymore.
Along with my issues, I am also the first one to jump when someone needs help or is hurting or needs a friend. I wish sometimes I had people who say they love me who would do the same for me but I have been just cast out of the “group” because I am too overly emotional and it is affecting their happiness. So sad because when they need me, they find a reason to come running back. I do not fit in anymore but it really showed me the difference in my loyalty and theirs. I would still be there if they called and said they needed me.
I had to let go of some of the people I love and hold dear to my heart. But to live, I had to let them go. I was tired of being told I was just “thinking” that, it was all in my head, that I was “in a dark place”. Why? Because I over think. Because I have anxiety. But, they never admitted they would not answer me when I sent things to them or they would avoid me or just so many things that as long as I did things their way, they were willing to help (which was one call they would accept from me maybe one every two weeks or so).
As long as I never got upset, just smiled, laughed and did everything that they deemed normal. Emotions were not allowed or I was in need of help. Does it hurt? Yes. But do I feel stronger? Oh yeah. Sometimes letting go is your road to recovery.