Anxiety & Panic: Letting go

Sometimes we just have to let it go. That is almost an oxy moron when it comes to panic and anxiety but I have learned that it is true. Does it always work? No. BUT when dealing with this, any good day counts. So, I try to just say hey, it is not going to change by getting anxious.

I try the breathing and I try to just get my mind on anything that changes my course of thought. Reading a fiction book, listening to music while I stare at the you tube video. Yoga, prayer, yelling in my head STOP! That is effective, believe it or not. That thing that AA has actually works too. The courage to accept things I cannot change, change the things I can change and the wisdom to know the difference or it goes something like that.

I will NOT argue if I can avoid it. I spend more time writing and less time on face book where things can upset me. If people like us, then great. If they don’t who cares? It is not going to change it if we get upset or whatever.

We are who we are and we have to accept it and go on. When I feel those “moments” I work to try and change them. And my biggest thing I have discovered? It IS true. The adrenaline in the body can only hold out so long before it eases up. Acknowledge that you are having a moment and work your brain to get past it.

I am learning NOT to dwell on what bothers me and to stop OVER thinking EVERYTHING. We have life and we need to enjoy it and be happy. We deserve it, we can have it and we should. My car was totaled over a week ago because I was being nice and let a friend use it. It was three years old and yes, at first I DID panic but then I decided to let it go. If I can get another car, I will. If not, then it is what it is.

So fellow friends, let’s try to continue our journey to conquer because we can. Yes, we can but we have to hold on. 🙂

 

ADDICTION- The Silent Destroyer

Most of us have one. An addiction to something and that in itself is okay I guess. But there are other addictions that are stronger, more dangerous and they destroy. So, I will focus on the top ones I think are the most destructive and cause the most damage. Listed as follows: Pornography and drugs. There are many many more but these two seem to me to destroy the most lives of everyone around them.

Let’s start with pornography. People who watch it think it, “Hey, it is up to me, or in some cases, me and  my partner” but that is not really the case, in my opinion. First, it degrades the women AND men in the films. It gives a view of an unrealistic way of how sex should be. It leads some people to the lowest form which is child pornography. As for the adult pornography, eventually, it comes to a point where it is almost not even real sex. It is just people doing a ritual with one after another after another for hours on end.

Pornography destroys lives, marriages, families, children and it is a debased way of thinking. Sex is meant to be a beautiful union between two people. I know many will disagree with me but this is, just my opinion. How can any woman compete with a woman on a movie who usually looks like she is in top form, can do anything and I mean anything and a man who, well most men would envy I suppose.

I am not a person who has been around the block but I have watched it to see what the big deal was and I see men who are unusually um, well endowed i guess i should say and women who look like they have never lived out side of a gym. Perfect bodies and well, you get the point. The problem? Most men are average, most women are flawed in some area so the expectations will never be met. The most destruction though comes from the fact that it destroys so many people and to me that is sad. For whatever reason, it does something to the mind and normal isn’t normal anymore.

Drugs. Wow, this one could go on and on. Alcoholics are to me a part of this group.  Once a person becomes addicted to drugs, that becomes their God. They will do anything, say anything and go to any lengths to get what they need.  There is no path they wont cross, no heart they won’t break, no thing or person who will stop them and no lie they won’t tell. It isn’t personal. It is addiction. Parents, spouses,  children, friends, family. It isn’t about trying to hurt them but about an addiction that has taken over their lives. Whether it is prescription, illegal, or a combination of both the destruction goes in so many ways.

Loss of families, homes, jobs, feelings, lack of empathy, lack of clear or good thinking, loss of morals, making them also do things they would have never done before. So, we are at war and until or if we ever win this war, i think addictions like these are the saddest thing to ever hit our world.

God, do you hear me? I think sometimes you do.

God, I often come to you in despair, sometimes in joy, sometimes to talk and sometimes to cry. I often wondered if you heard me and sometimes I still do. But I know that you are listening and I know you know what I need.

You gave me the ability to love art and photography and my family and people. Abused animals and children are what I hurt for the most. People say why do bad things happen? I don’t always know but I know that we have free will. When a person does something bad, you are blamed first.

Why? You gave us minds to think on our own and to choose our own paths. if a person kills, steals, rapes. abuses  or other horrific things, it was a choice they made. I sometimes question you and ask, “Are you listening? Don’t you hear my cry?” But yes, you do. I just don’t always have the patience to wait out the answer.

I am human and sometimes God, I get mad at how the answers turn out and I get hurt when I have asked and it doesn’t come to be. But then, I am human. And we know how that goes. So I just wanted to say that even when i am unsure, yes, I know you are listening and sometimes, when I stop long enough to give you a chance, I feel you there.

A Poem for the day I wrote & a random quote from me.

Random quote: I am proud of who I am and what I have become. The sweat and tears it took to get there and the love I found along the way.

     THE SEARCH

We search all of our lives for the impossible dream.

Only to find it was there all along.

It wasn’t money, it wasn’t fame, it wasn’t popularity.

It is a smile from someone who cares,

the soft blow of a breeze or the love of a child,

the sound of ocean waves as they roll onto the white clean sand,

The song of a bird,

or just the joy of being loved.

When did you forget her?

Not the first year. Not much the second year but when she died, when did you forget her? Her name is rarely mentioned, her fb is never written in memory, her picture is never liked. Did you forget her when it was less painful to remember or did you just not really think of her even before?

Did you forget what she brought to our lives? Did you forget as life went on and it really meant that forgetting her was part of it? Do you ever go to her site and just remember? Did you forget how she laughed, did your forget her beautiful smile?

I wonder because I did not, can not and will not. I will never forget the horrible crash or the fire that consumed her body so that we could only do a cremation. I will never forget the part of my heart that left with her and I am glad because I am reminded everyday she is gone. I am glad she does not have to suffer anymore but I still remember.

Did you forget her when it became more of a hassle to put somewhere that you loved her? Was it because she was 23 and not 10 when she died? Was it because she meant nothing of enough importance to even think about? Look at her picture, think of who she was and I hope, then, you remember.