Listening. To Silence…..

I was doing more self therapy and I read about just having a few minutes of silence everyday. So, of course I am going to try it. Lol. Silly me. This is going to take some work. Have you ever tried to just rest in silence? This thing is hard because I overthink anyway. Regardless, here I was, in bed, focusing on the sound a fan to block out any other noise and just be. I did it for a lonnnng three minutes. I mean. I tried. My mind was all over The place just trying to be silent. This is obviously going to be a bit of a challenge. Lol. Listening to Silence and shutting it all out might be the best challenge in a bit. Have a great day/evening wherever you are fellow bloggers!

I am me… and I accept and receive that….

I am good, kind and loving.

I am angry ,frustrated and confused.

I am artistic, an empath and I feel emotions.

I am a lover of Nature and despise the abuse of animals.

I am loyal, devoted and true.

I am short tempered, easy to hurt and quick to strike back.

i am a survivor of abuse and I have learned to survive after loss.

I am me. Many things good and equally bad. But I am human so it is as it is.

Market today……. I love the variety of choices! ……

Today I am going to the huge Farmer’s Market I go to about once a year. They have everything! Exotic foods( not where they torture anything, my animal obsession could not handle that) Olives from all other, unique vegetables and an assortment of spices, bakery goods, foods to sample and just so much! It is like the Festival for food lovers! So excited! What are All of you doing okay? Have a great day/evening wherever you are!

A win for the Empaths.. Oh you Pit of Vipers….Lol…

It is hard to be an Empath/ Discerner and if you are one you know it can be. I have battled so many emotions knowing what I felt was right, holding others pain or hurt and trying to deal with it. The hardest part for me is knowing what is being said or battling toxic people or emotional vampires. I have been called crazy, living in a dark place was said a few times and so many things. I was told I was just trying to cause fights and so much. I thought maybe I WAS crazy. But today changed the playing field for me. I was driving two people somewhere and they got on the subject of honesty. I went into wondering about going crazy because these people kept saying I was because they NEVER said anything about me. The can of worms exploded. I was told to fear not, I am far from crazy and that was cruel what had been done to me. Everything I had thought was repeated to me. Things said about me, the stabbing behind my back, the hate toward me. I should have been upset but I was elated to FINALLY. Have validity that it was true! I am not crazy and the Pit of Vipers had been doing it all along. This was a long write for me but I just had to share !

Reading day! ……. I hope I get to read a lot of yours as time allows!…. thanks for all the wonderful writing we can pick from…..And the beautiful pics….

Today is a fave day for me. I take a break and go and read as many as I can fit in without speed rushing through them. There are just so many wonderful, deep, real, loving, angry,funny, sad, happy Blogs to choose from. I love our World Press family!

Perhaps I did…..When she died……

Perhaps I did go a little crazy when she died. Maybe losing the child you gave birth to and watched grow up and cared for with her disability and never realized she would be gone without warning at 23 made me different.

You do not understand and I hope you never do understand. That means you lost your child too and I wouldn’t want to wish that on anyone. It is a loss you learn to live with but never get over.You learn to laugh again and God brings other love into your life but it does not take away the pain at times.

I became better in some ways but in others I changed. I needed more from those I loved, I was scared and I was devastated. I developed panic issues. I went through the five stages. I went through Hell and came back a little burned. i turned back to God and I have tried to make her proud.

I have loved my only other child and adore my  gbabies. I love my husband and son-in-law. I love mom and other mom. And step dad and other family. But, yes I changed. When you lose a child you always do. I hope you never have to look at me and say,  ” I understand”.

 

Photography: I love all of it!

I post some of mine on here. Here is one. This is a form of trick photography. These are not actually on the stands. they are bubbles I took photos of, the real bubbles you blow and then I cloned them onto the candle holders.

I do not understand me, so how can you?

I do not understand what brings bouts of panic. i have read about it, I have studied it I am living it. But I still do not understand it. I try to be more positive, keep negative thoughts out of my head, exercise, do Yoga and I pray.

I do not know why i am fine and then it hits. Hard. All I know is it does. I know it can hit when i least expect although it never seems to do it on the days I have my gbaby. maybe because she makes me laugh. Or when i see my other two gbabies.  I have my husband trying to understand and support me but I see the confusion when he cannot understand what it is and he is going to school for Counseling.

But that is why this is so hard for others to help. I can say the people who are trying help more than they know. I do know that it is something that is occurring less and less. But still, if i do not understand it, how can you?