I am learning to love me. The happy, nervous, anxious, laughing,depressed, silly, serious, artistic, dreamer, tries to save the World person who rarely succeeds at it but I love it anyway. I have judged myself so harshly I overlooked the good. So, I am learning to love me and I like it.
After a very hectic day, I saw the photo sent to me. I had rushed to help my mom and did not go into my sisters as planned. My sister sent me a photo on my phone of three roses on her table. I quickly put hearts and started driving. I found out later that day, my ex- brother in law whom I still consider my brother and family, had thought my mom and I were going in at my sisters. He had bought each of us a single beautifully wrapped rose with a Happy Mother’s Day to each of us. I have to say I cried. It was beautiful. But even more beautiful was the heart he put into it. I think one of the most meaningful gifts ever presented to me. Thank you Jeff. I love you.
I am good, kind and loving.
I am angry ,frustrated and confused.
I am artistic, an empath and I feel emotions.
I am a lover of Nature and despise the abuse of animals.
I am loyal, devoted and true.
I am short tempered, easy to hurt and quick to strike back.
i am a survivor of abuse and I have learned to survive after loss.
I am me. Many things good and equally bad. But I am human so it is as it is.
I see your heart in all that you do. I see it in your giving , your caring for others and your smile that tries to brighten everyone’s day. I see it in so many ways and it. Is. Beautiful.
I have laughed. I have cried. I have had good days and bad days. I have forgiven and i have been unforgiving. I have been happy and I have been sad. i have judged and been judged. I have had moments of darkness and moments of light. What I have learned most of all is that many if not all of us go through these phases of our journey. It is okay to have them ad it is okay to not be okay. It is okay if I am outspoken and honest. I have been negative at times and positive other times. Not everyone likes to agree that we may have to disagree. But all in all, that is okay. Because I am me. And I realize me is just who I am meant to be.
I write because my heart gets ull and my head seems overwhelmed so I come here and I write it. All. Everything. My life. My thoughts. My fears. My joys. My losses. Y sorrows. My blessings. My pain. Because here I can be me. I can say things and not be judged. I can be me. You can you. You can read my things and I can read yours. I love it here. My private little World shared with others here.
I saw a little firefly tonight
Glowing with your ember light.
You make me smile and feel such joy
Your little light enough to bring happiness.
Thank you little amber glow.
You make me happy, did you know?
Wow. I am trying really hard to be positive but sometimes the stress and anxiety get to me. I am wondering how many others are feeling the overload. Then on top of that, the empath part of me is topped off from the chaos of other minds just bringing in tons of input. I love my Yoga, prayer, meditation and trying to keep it together but sometimes it seems no matter how much I work to be positive is when, bam! I get knocked back a bit. But still hanging in there! Have a great day/evening wherever you are! 🙂
The stress had gotten pretty bad so I had to seek intervention because I seriously thought I was losing it. I hope this might help someone else out there because it has helped me a good bit. I am not at 100 but I will take any at this point. Anyway, the Yoga, prayers, meditation and all of that kept the stress in my mind at bay but it was still bad. So, from the Inner Counseling sessions I learned and apply these daily now. 1. Think positive. Truly replace every negative with a positive. 2. STOP letting people get to me. Especially when I KNOW it is intentional. Instead of letting it eat at me, think of it like a movie. I am at war and I am determined to win becauseI want the victory. 3. Truly just let it go, whatever it is if I cannot change it. I just visualized a paper boat filled with all my troubles, loaded down and I placed it in a stream of clear water and watched it flow away. It takes a lot to train your brain but it can be done! 🙂
I have a lot of teens in our huge family and they are all over the place and doing “their” thing and well, being teens. But the most wonderful thing happened the other day. After the last couple of years off having to hunt for them in their houses like children hunt for Easter eggs, i would find them but they would have their phone on or smile and just tap at their social media (code for be with you in a sec. broken down to mean never). So, I had really gotten to the point of just not bothering them other than to wave hi when I would see one of these elusive creatures. BUT! Here it comes! I went to a sisters the other day and one actually emerged! Like a real life version. Actually looked in my eyes and smiled.
Then she spoke. Words. Sentences. Actually conversed with me as did her brother. I took pictures. I smiled back. It was such a beautiful 3.2 minutes. There IS hope after all!!!!!!!!!!!