A past post that I love………

A poem for my Daughter Nikki…I wish I had known…. In Memory 2-17-2007

I thought of you as I walked on the beach
Listening to the sounds you loved so much.
waves, as they rush onto the sand and soothe my soul.
I thought of you as the Holidays approached and how much you loved them.
Halloween where you loved those goofy movies. Christmas where we always drove around to see Christmas lights and you loved to stop at that store and get hot Cocoa.
I thought of the day you left me, three days after Valentines.
I never celebrate that day now. I can’t.
I went to your room and I sat on your bed.
I waited to see if maybe you would walk in
but I knew that was a fantasy that would never come true.
I went to the place where we placed you to rest
But to me it is empty and useless.
If I thought you would be here or I could feel you somehow
maybe I would come more often. But you aren’t and you will never be.
I look at your photo and I wish I could change that day and turn back the events so they never happened.
But I can’t.
Time does NOT heal all wounds. It only heals the ability to deal with it.
Love does not die. My love will always be there for you, secured in my heart.
I wish I had known so many things when you were here.
I wish I had known we have to cherish every day and every moment.
But I didn’t know.
I never realized or knew so many things that I know now but I only realized all of it.
When you were gone. I love you. always. Love, Mom. Copyright 2010 L.S.R.

Love, Toxic people and letting go…..

Sometimes in our lives, we can love people very much but we come to realize they are toxic. It is sad but it is reality. They try to guilt trip us, or they criticize us if we do not do things like they want us to. You don’t have to stop being around them. you just have to stop letting their toxic behavior affect you. You have to stand strong, let the hurt go and realize they probably have a lot of hatred toward themselves or envy towards you. So, love the person but get rid of the toxic behavior by controlling you and your thoughts. you will never be able to control theirs.

Love & Insanity…. the Fine Line… An oldie I wrote.

As I travel this road of anxiety and try to learn new things each day on how to get it out of my system, my sister said something the other day when I was having a “moment”. She said, “Go back to the old you and keep thinking of the old you”. The “old” me, before all of this was a strong, independent, capable woman who faced the hurdles of life and jumped them. She didn’t come to them and go hide in the rabbit hole. So, I did and it worked off and on. Then I got to thinking about the times I thought I was going insane, felt unloved and alone. Even though this was in my mind and partially true when people run because they do not know how to help or like an infection, they “fear” they will “catch” it, it reminded me of a poem I wrote on kindle and I want to share it with you from “The Book of Understanding”. It expresses how I felt during those worst of times.

LOVE & INSANITY

Such a fine line between the two. What defines the difference?

Insanity is an escape from reality, a journey others fear to tread. So is Love.

Love is harsh, yet it comforts, gives hope even when it causes delusions. So does Insanity.

Insanity keeps you from accepting certain truths and drives you to the brink. So does Love.

Love demands. It gives, it takes and it waits for redemption. So does Insanity.

Most never cross the line that divides the two.

For the ones who do, they may never know the difference. L.S. Rockel

Life and Me……………

An introvert, mom, writer, empath, yoga freak, prayer lover, artist, writer, animal activist.

Poet, photographer, a lover of nature, traveling by car to see everything I can, anxiety fighter.

A person who loves too deep, thinks too much, writes because I love it, feels others pains and emotions, struggles with Yoga but I have a love/hate relationship.

A person who believes Life can be good because we have it.

 

Hanging on to that rope but aren’t we all?……

Seems like everything keeps going haywire right now but we are all having our struggles through these times. I am hanging on to my rope life life crossing these rapid waters. It seems one thing gets clear and another undercurrent comes and tries to pull me under. But on the flip side, I try to stay strong and put on my armor and fight it. And so far, getting through. I still have the ability to laughter at the devil dog across the street. he is back to 100%. I am blessed with a new baby in the family and she keeps everyone in love with her sweet smiles. Life is good just turbulent right now. I hope all of you are staying strong too. If not, get on here with me. We can all hold virtual hands together united. 🙂

Let’s go back to the “old” normal… where life was better…

I know we can’t and I know things have changed but man would it be nice. Some happy news, people united or at least doing their own thing and most not bothering others, or killing. No Virus like this to stall the World. No kids being shot over all of the hate going on. Just like things have changed so much. Who would have ever imagined this year would be like this? Can we get the OLD normal back again? If so, I would sure place an order. It sure beat this!

I am so mentally drained…

I am just at a drained state of mind. Mentally, I am just at a point where I just cannot even think at times clearly. I have no clue how it came about or what is causing it but it has drained me from writing, art and other things. maybe just the last year has been building up or maybe my mind just needs some serious not over thinking time. Either way, i hope to be more clear headed soon so I can get back to it.