I keep your picture here so I can see you everyday….

I keep her picture on my desk. I look at her at times so I can see her face and rekindle memories. Some are good, some hurt, some make me cry and some make me laugh. But I love to see that smile and although it hurts that she is gone, her memory lives on in my heart. I remember everything about her even can smell at times the perfume she decided she liked at 13. She never changed. She added one more and sometimes the cherry blossom smell seems to drift out or the vanilla. I love my sweet girl. Always!

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Why is it still so damn hard? …..

It has been 12 years today since you left us. I thought this year was going to be easier that before years because I had not been crying as much but I woke in tears this morning. Just that quick. But it is what it is. I guess my philosophy on it is that it is the life of a parent who has lost a child or children and I have lost two. But it is just weird how some years I got through with laughter, most with tears but still I would thing ok all the blessings I DO have and that she never suffered and that she is probably happier now. But like one guy said the other day, “When people say God needed another angel, that is great until yours is taken.” Just a tough day I guess. Love to all of us who have lost our children.