Christmas looked dismal and then a beautiful thing happened…

Christmas morning was just blah. I felt depressed, anxious, alone and my husband felt the same. Then, out of nowhere my sister called. she lives about an hour away but she was having a kind of blah day too. She and her girls invited us up. At first I didn’t want to go but then we said, “why not?” and we packed up some stuff to make spaghetti, our Trivial pursuit game and off we went.
We got there and hubby made dinner and we all worked together. My niece’s boyfriend showed up. As Christmas songs played on the radio, we played and laughed and just had some of the things I said I had been searching for in Christmas. It was a wonderful time and we had fun without phones or electronics. Just people, together, laughing and spending time together. What a beautiful time it turned out to be. I hope all of you had a wonderful day too!

I am looking for you Christmas…I think I am finding you in unique places and ways……..

I am looking because I need you Christmas. I think I found you when I saw a little girl smiling. A tree lit with beautiful lights. A manger scene on the hill by a home. I saw you in a man giving someone food who was hungry. I feel you in the laughter of families. I saw you in snowflakes and snow falling in a video. I hear you in the music and the chiming of bells. I am looking this year more than ever because I need to have the feeling and the spirit of the joy. But this year I am looking for you in different ways by looking at the world around me. Seeing people join together and strangers smiling at each other, the kiss from a puppy, the meow of a kitten. A stray who finds a home. Homeless who find shelter. But most of all, I am looking for you in my own heart. That is where I need you the most. Merry Christmas Everyone!

Empaths, Discerners & Anxiety as the Holidays near….. Do that Yoga, prayer, meditation… Stay sane..

For all of us who have these abilities and gifts and the Anxiety (not a great thing) it is time to do what bring s you peace and helps your anxiety. It seems to peak for me because it is also close to the times of my daughter’s death so it can be exhausting along with gift buying and people that seem to turn into demons or whatever but the great thing is that we have some rescue. Prayer, Yoga, Meditation or whatever helps that anxiety germ do it! It is a very stressful yet beautiful time of the year but it can also be the time for those of us who are able to really feel and read people as well as those of us who have Anxiety and Panic to really get pushed hard. So let’s be sure to get out our keep sane kits and do them even more! Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays! I hope we can all stay sane and remember to help those who struggle! I love my fellow bloggers and I hope today is great for you!

It always rains for the Christmas party…. Are those happy tears from Heaven, I miss you tears or just rain?

Every year at the Annual Christmas party it rains. Well, it actually pours. My mind knows it is just rain but my heart sometimes wonders if you and lost ones are crying tears from Heaven of joy or sadness that you are not here with us? I like to think they are tears of joy from being with us in heart because we keep your pictures with us on the shelves to share in the joy in spirit if nothing else. Either way, just know you ARE here in our hearts and we love you so much!

I find it hard to write on the Holiday season…

Maybe because I lost you…
maybe the memories are so painful yet the lights so beautiful…
I feel guilt and hurt…
I want to write but I seem to find nothing there…
I have things to write about…
But then nothing to say…
I am full of stories but your book ended and I find the words empty…
I want to express myself but then I look at your picture…
The Holidays. Halloween, Christmas and those were your favorites..
I have to remember I am not betraying you by living. By writing. By smiling.
But the Holidays make it so. very. hard.