I will always love you…….

I think every year that day will get easier. That day is tomorrow but I find myself falling apart today. I am a broken person who has been put back together with the glue of God. But it still hurts so much. I am living a double life. One who grieves you and your brother being gone and another life that is here with your sister and her kids. Enjoying their beautiful childhood and grateful she is here with me. But Damn, we sure wish you were here too. I will never forget your laughter, your love, your beauty. Inside and out. So, I walk this divided road knowing that a part of me will always wish you were here and another one that enjoys my beautiful life and blessings but always with that lingering guilt that I should have been able to save you, but I couldn’t. I WILL love you. Always.

I am so thankful for family who have held on to me when I cannot hold onto myself….

Tomorrow is that day again. The day my daughter left us so many years ago. The me they knew doesn’t exist anymore. I am a different person, but they still love me. I confuse my own self at times. I live, I laugh, I love, and I cry. The way my mind has changed since then. Fears I never had before. Times when I could just scream and never quit, or it feels that way. The guilt I feel if I am happy. The way I never felt abandoned sometimes even though I know I just have to dial a number. But they still wait and love me. And when I do call or go by, they are there. I am so blessed they accept the different me. I hope anyone who has lost a child or children has family that are there for you. Or at least still love the you that even you don’t understand.