It’s okay to cry sometimes.

We build walls around our lives and our hearts but sometimes it is okay to cry. Sometimes our hearts need the release of just letting it all out and letting it go. We live in a beautiful but harsh world where it seems to make you appear weak if you cry but you are not. You are strong and crying is an emotion of strength.

We have to face so many battles and obstacles that it can be a heavy load to bear and to constantly smile through it all, well kudos to those who can. I am just too human and open for all of that. I am strong willed, determined, but man, sometimes i just have to let it all out and have a good cry.

I feel such a release after. I pray, I live right the best I can, I try to do right by others, I pick my battles but life can be tough. So I just hope there are others like me who know that at times, a good old fashioned cry down is the cure for healing.

It is beautiful and yet ugly. Life

Life can be so beautiful and yet so ugly.

Love, happiness, babies. marriage, friendship, family,adoption, playing, running, adventures, prayers, reading, painting, writing, flowers, trees, the four seasons, the pureness of snow, the laughter of a child.

Bills, stress, death of a child, burdens, anxiety, hatred, racism, divorce, affairs, riots, abuse of children and women, burning our flag, killing, using people, destroying.

Something so beautiful and yet so ugly

Today is Today

I am just thinking and over thinking which I am so great at. lol. But realizing each day is what you deal with and worry about that day only. However, I am trying to cleanse my brain of all toxic thoughts, people and actions and keep it clean and clear.

I am trying to focus on things that are important and not things people might do, whether they realize it or not that will keep me thinking clearly and firmly in the positive. Of course there are negatives in life but I can still focus on what is the important and the real.

I am trying to keep any toxic people out of my life and out of my head. For those who suffer anxiety or panic, this is a must for us! We have to not re- think everything we say or do or that others say or do to us. it is what it is and people are who they are. Period.

We cannot change them but we can delete them from our lives in the way of letting them know we are no longer going to listen to negative thoughts about us or how we live. We have to go on and realize it is not our fault if someone tried to play on our weakness. It is only our fault if we let them.

So let’s be strong fellow sufferers and try to wipe all of that out and strengthen our hearts, minds and souls so we can recover in our own ways and enjoy life as it is. Have a GREAT day and stand STRONG!

RACISM & REVOLUTION

We are in a Revolution America and racism and dividing us according to our races is pulling us apart. We need to unit as Americans. Why hate me because I am black, white, asian, latino, or any other race? We NEED to unite!

When it all comes down to the bottom line, we can work as a unit to help this Country and we can overcome anything thrown at us. But if we allow the media to continue to turn us against each other then we are in trouble.

We are all one nation, under God. We are allowing the media and our own personal feelings to cause us to turn on each other. The excuses of bad officers as an excuse for turning on each other is no excuse. There are good and bad people no matter what their profession or race. So let’s stop doing this and come together as a Country. United we WILL stand but DIVIDED we will fall.

Toxic People

Sometimes we have to overcome our desire to hang onto toxic people.

They come in all ways, passive aggressive, two faced, self righteous

or they just want you when the going is good.

They are mean when you don’t deliver, come when you have something to offer but never show up when you don’t/

They will try and break you in any way they can to make themselves feel better.

All in all. we have to let go of them to keep our minds healthy.

We can still talk to them or be around them

but we no accept the toxic abuse.

We let go. We live. We become better and happier people.

They continue being toxic.

But that is not an issue we can cure for them.

However, by making it known we will not be a rag doll for them to throw around,

we cleanse ourselves.

A Poem for today & A random Quote

LISTEN

Close your eyes, stop your thoughts and just listen.

What do you hear? Is it voices? Is it rain? Is it ocean waves as they crash onto the sand?

Is it cars as they bustle about on their busy day? Maybe it is babies crying or children laughing.

Dogs barking, cats meowing, or is the the sounds of war, crime and hate?

If you listen soft enough and close off the world, you will hear other sounds as well.

The unbroken symphony of the one you love

The heartbeat of angels or the song of the hurt.

The anger of the broken or the whisper of goodbye.

All of the things we miss

Because we never TRULY listen.

RANDOM QUOTE: Two things that can break you and bring you to your knees;

When you realize the power of God and the death of a child.

Life & Love

Life. So filled with so many emotions. Anger, sadness, joy, tears, anxiety, pressure, hope, faith, trying, holding on.

Learning, grieving, getting through, getting by and living. Paying bills, taking care of the kids, watching their laughter and tears. Being with your partner and dreaming about what will be, may be, should be, could be.

Friendships and the hurts, the joys, the pains of having one, holding onto one and giving up one. The hope of new friends, the bond of old friends, the strength of true friends who are there always.

In all this array of emotions centers all of the strongest. the most important, the most neglected and yet the truest. LOVE.

 

Anxiety and its not so great moments

It has been quite a while since i had a “moment”. One came last week even though I am on meds and it set off a whole new time of worry. Ugh! I hate that part. Soooo, back to mentally challenging myself until Lord Willing, follow up with cardiologist on Thursday.

I am a good percent sure it is or was panic or anxiety but strangely, i wasn’t even upset or stressed at that moment. I was talking to someone who was but i felt fine and then bam! there it came. Out of nowhere. What bothered me is I am on meds for it so i couldn’t figure out why it happened.

Then I call Doc and he says no probably not panic which led to the Cardio follow up. Then this morning I was stressed and had pain under my breast area and that freaked me out. Super ugh! I have doing really good so to have the episode was needless to say, upsetting.

It is such a fine line between if something is wrong or panic that I think that is what can set panic into motion. Either way, here we go round and round on the circle of this disorder. So, I am going to try some yoga, some breathing exercises and just try to relax and see if that helps.

As this only started less than two years ago, I find it disturbing, scary, annoying and it just flat out makes me mad sometimes that IF it is only panic, WHY is it able to control my mind? Totally a bad deal. So sharing my mood for the day for my fellow challenged in this area. Let us try to rock on and overcome this if we can.

A poem for Panic & Anxiety

                                      DEMONS of the MIND

 You cannot help what you don’t understand.

The fear, the darkness that threatens to overtake me.

The way my own mind scares me at times and makes me think things

that are not even true. The way i think

The way I love

 The way i cry

The loneliness

The fright

The desire to need and feel love

To be accepted, needed, wanted.

Then pushing it away

Out of fear it will rejected.

The fear of not being in control of my life.

The torture of trying to understand

reality

honesty

fake people

life

hope.

All of these are the Demons of my mind. To help me……. You have to understand them.

L.S. Rockel Copyright 2014

Anger vs. Love and Forgiveness

Ever get really angry at someone and just feel hatred toward someone who did you wrong? Maybe they talked bad about you, lied about you, cursed you or stole away your love. Maybe they betrayed you in one of a possible hundred ways.

Anger and hate are such pleasant retaliations against someone who has wronged you .The worst are the passive/ aggressive ones who are nice to you but in that way that you know they are truly pissed inside and only YOU & THEM know what they are doing. You could never prove it because they are just too smooth at what they do.

It is such sweet revenge to “get” back at your enemies or betrayers. Knowing how much you freak them out when you post it all over social media. Snapchat, your blog, instagram, face book, or etc. In this day and time the possibilities are endless. Then when you know you “got” em and it hit the mark.

Pretty soon, you are not speaking, and anytime either of you get you are telling others and on the phone and going back and forth on that “social media” for the world to see. How pathetic they are those scumbags. Seldom is revenge NOT sweet. It is the long term effects you don’t know are are coming.

Before you know it, another person, and another , and another has done you wrong. I mean, can you believe it? What is WRONG with these people? After a while it becomes a daily ritual to see who you can get back at or who you can exact your revenge upon.

Now comes the hard part. Love and Forgiveness. Love and forgiving are not that easy sometimes. Love is letting your heart open up to accept people for whom and what they are. Flawed. We all are. Love is knowing sometimes, you will NEVER get a return or investment back no matter how hard you try.

Love means that nio matter what, you refuse to hate that person regardless of what they do. However, love does not mean you have to be stepped on,  or abused. It simply means we can love them but walk away or take a step back and let go.

Forgiveness is the hardest sometimes especially if you know in your heart you are the one who did someone wrong or they were the one who broke your heart. Then it is a battle to find a way to reach deep inside your soul, let go of what happened and forgive. It is especially hard when you know that same person will say they forgive and they are going to go behind your back and do it again.

BUT, that is the true ART of forgiveness. You forgive when you truly let go, forgive and realize YOU will will NEVER change that person. You only have to change YOU. Letting go of the poison they have put into your life enables you to go on and do better things so you can enjoy the beauty of this world God gave us to enjoy. That is when you trally begin to live.