It is beautiful and yet ugly. Life

Life can be so beautiful and yet so ugly.

Love, happiness, babies. marriage, friendship, family,adoption, playing, running, adventures, prayers, reading, painting, writing, flowers, trees, the four seasons, the pureness of snow, the laughter of a child.

Bills, stress, death of a child, burdens, anxiety, hatred, racism, divorce, affairs, riots, abuse of children and women, burning our flag, killing, using people, destroying.

Something so beautiful and yet so ugly

A Day in the Life of Anxiety

Well, here we are again. I have had a pretty good week so far. Of course, I try to be positive, do exercise and practice breathing as well as learning how to let go of negative thoughts. That is a hard one but I am getting better at it. I just am learning to try and say, “Here God, your problem, not mine because you have to fix it, I can’t.”

I am trying to not freak out when I have a moment or when I am overcome with 50 million things and issues going through my brain. It is like a super computer that seems to transmit every thing it can to place worry into my mind.

But I am also learning how to override that by thinking of something positive and challenging myself to let it go. We can control some things and those we cannot, well, stressing still will NOT change it. So we might as well deal with it and go on about our business or let it go and just go about our business. hahahahahaa.

That is the way I have to deal with it. There are days I feel like I am falling apart and other days when I do so good that it is a very happy day. But I am feeling good knowing that in most cases I now am learning to control it instead of it controlling me. So that was my thought and feeling process for today. I hope yours was good and filled with hope. 🙂

UNDERSTANDIND PANIC AND ANXIETY

I just wanted to explain some of what goes on when dealing with panic and anxiety. I have been told, “Well, that is not how it really is. What you are feeling about situations are not true, be it family, the world, etc.” Well, when going through it, it is real to you. It may NOT be the actual reality but your mind is telling you it is.

I DO pray and I have been HELPED so much by that, I do listen to soothing music, I do try ALL of the things I come across to help. I do at times feel lonely, I do get scared, I do rely on God and the other forms of therapy that come along and I DO want to get better.

Having this issue makes me no less of a believer in God than someone who does not have it. It simply means I am having to start over again and regroup. It does not mean I am not aware of what others are going through or that I think I am worse off.

It simply means that my mind is telling me things and I am relying on the many ways to re train my brain. God gives us a powerful tool and it can be used by Satan to make us think we are weak but I can assure people with this issue are actually very strong. They just got caught off guard and BOOM it happened.

Be kind and supportive instead of thinking (As I have been told, that I do not have enough faith. I believe I do but maybe I am just having a harder time grasping what has been a situation I never encountered before).  I always held my own, tried to be there for others, and to help when needed.

I am human, not perfect. I am loving, loyal, and I stand behind those I love. Do not judge a situation until you have been there or you may find yourself there and then and only then can you fully understand.

Does that mean I want YOU to go through it? NO! It simply means that I would hope you can be the friend or help that the person needs at that time.

Another journey day on this road. God Bless. 🙂

MY CATS HATE ME

Yes, they must. I try to pet them, they claw and bite me. I give them the best of everything, food, towers, scratch post and on and on and on and they bite and claw and scratch me.  They throw my briefcases onto the floor so the 83 lb. Shepherd can eat everything inside. They jump on my flowers in vases and, after eating them, they toss the vase with water to the floor so it can shatter into a million shreds.

They love to walk on my keyboard and delete anything I might currently be writing. They also love to wait until I am least expecting it and they bite me while purring and leave trails of blood on my back. They obviously mated with a bobcat. They love to destroy anything nice I have out while avoiding anything I could care less about.

They are sweet as sugar one minute and mauling me the next. They are alien cats I have to assume. They show no characteristics of normal cats. they have been fixed, rabies shots and feline tested. They are bought toys and well, just about spoiled to no end.

Oh well, I thought they were supposed to be aloof and yet somehow entertaining. They are entertaining if you love mass destruction. I have decided that after years of loving cats, I love my cats but maybe I should not have named them Hercules and Cujo. lol. A day in the life of my alien cats.

Today is today. Anxiety Journey

I have thus far had a great day. I am taking control and doing what I can. I am listening, learning, praying, struggling, trying, crying, laughing and putting my best feet forward which, is only two, since I am a human. I am finding a bit of my humor back, I am learning to accept what CAN be changed. ‘

I am realizing it is harder than I thought in some ways yet easier in ways I never dreamed. I am started to get back up and face the demon within that has tried to consume my life. I am seeing this for what it is and that helps a lot. I am trying to set new goals and watch funnier movies even though I hate comedy.

I am dramatic at times, quick tempered but not nearly as bad as I used to be, reaching out, learning to give of myself and accept I might get hurt. That is life. I am writing, blogging, drawing, painting, taking pictures and dreaming. I am learning to appreciate the blessings and letting go of the bad things.

I am learning and that is a very good thing. 🙂

PHASE TWO: PANIC VS POSITIVE

Okay guys, it is time to kick into gear or Phase II.  That is challenging our mind to over come the anxiety, panic and fear that our own minds have created. We have to replace our negative with positive thoughts but we also have to take positive action. I read a bit of a book and you can get the free four minute videos of David Rutherford’s navy seal training for positive outlook. It is teaching us to take action.

One thing is to wake up knowing it might be a tough day but we are tough and we can beat it. We are in battle. Ours is in the mind. So we have to face that head on. Mine started as soon as I got up. Cats crying to be fed (yes all of my animals are very well fed but the cats , the alien ones demand food on site). So I fed them all and then took care of the dogs. I accidentally hit my head on the door trying to get the cat out of the garage. How? I have no clue but it happened.

Then I hear work is a bad day from hub. So, as his swim partner, I tried to enforce positive to thoughts to me and him. Then I turned on the T.V. and  the internet is out so I had to reset everything but that is how I started my battle this a.m. So I took a positive battle and decided that those were things than usually can be fixed. I am making myself do 10 push ups or whatever your body will allow even if it is a five minute walk to combat every time I whine.

Now, since I am just telling my day here, I won’t call all of the above whining BUT I will have to do ten push ups because I mentioned a whine to the hub. I am really hoping this enables me to fight this panic. We will see. I am only on day one. I will, L.W. share as I go. Let’s get our combat gear on and start fighting. NOTE: Don’t fight the panic or anxiety or depression, just tell it you know it is there BUT you are in control. If needed, hold that ice pack, take the breaths you need that work for you but above all, fight the NEGATIVE. So good day and let’s pray we can win this war.