A Poem for the day I wrote & a random quote from me.

Random quote: I am proud of who I am and what I have become. The sweat and tears it took to get there and the love I found along the way.

     THE SEARCH

We search all of our lives for the impossible dream.

Only to find it was there all along.

It wasn’t money, it wasn’t fame, it wasn’t popularity.

It is a smile from someone who cares,

the soft blow of a breeze or the love of a child,

the sound of ocean waves as they roll onto the white clean sand,

The song of a bird,

or just the joy of being loved.

A Poem for today & A random Quote

LISTEN

Close your eyes, stop your thoughts and just listen.

What do you hear? Is it voices? Is it rain? Is it ocean waves as they crash onto the sand?

Is it cars as they bustle about on their busy day? Maybe it is babies crying or children laughing.

Dogs barking, cats meowing, or is the the sounds of war, crime and hate?

If you listen soft enough and close off the world, you will hear other sounds as well.

The unbroken symphony of the one you love

The heartbeat of angels or the song of the hurt.

The anger of the broken or the whisper of goodbye.

All of the things we miss

Because we never TRULY listen.

RANDOM QUOTE: Two things that can break you and bring you to your knees;

When you realize the power of God and the death of a child.

A poem for Panic & Anxiety

                                      DEMONS of the MIND

 You cannot help what you don’t understand.

The fear, the darkness that threatens to overtake me.

The way my own mind scares me at times and makes me think things

that are not even true. The way i think

The way I love

 The way i cry

The loneliness

The fright

The desire to need and feel love

To be accepted, needed, wanted.

Then pushing it away

Out of fear it will rejected.

The fear of not being in control of my life.

The torture of trying to understand

reality

honesty

fake people

life

hope.

All of these are the Demons of my mind. To help me……. You have to understand them.

L.S. Rockel Copyright 2014

GOODBYE

I thought of you as I walked on the beach,

Listening to the sounds of a wild ocean,

As waves rolled onto the sand, I waited for you to walk up

But I knew it was a dream and you were not here.

I went to the place where we put you to rest

But for me, it was empty and useless.

If I thought you would answer or I thought you might be here in spirit.

Maybe then I would come more often but you aren’t her and you won’t be.

I look at your photos and I wish I could go back and change so many things but I know better……

I cannot change all of my mistakes but I can use them to change what I should done differently before so long ago.

L.S. Rockel

 

UNDERSTANDIND PANIC AND ANXIETY

I just wanted to explain some of what goes on when dealing with panic and anxiety. I have been told, “Well, that is not how it really is. What you are feeling about situations are not true, be it family, the world, etc.” Well, when going through it, it is real to you. It may NOT be the actual reality but your mind is telling you it is.

I DO pray and I have been HELPED so much by that, I do listen to soothing music, I do try ALL of the things I come across to help. I do at times feel lonely, I do get scared, I do rely on God and the other forms of therapy that come along and I DO want to get better.

Having this issue makes me no less of a believer in God than someone who does not have it. It simply means I am having to start over again and regroup. It does not mean I am not aware of what others are going through or that I think I am worse off.

It simply means that my mind is telling me things and I am relying on the many ways to re train my brain. God gives us a powerful tool and it can be used by Satan to make us think we are weak but I can assure people with this issue are actually very strong. They just got caught off guard and BOOM it happened.

Be kind and supportive instead of thinking (As I have been told, that I do not have enough faith. I believe I do but maybe I am just having a harder time grasping what has been a situation I never encountered before).  I always held my own, tried to be there for others, and to help when needed.

I am human, not perfect. I am loving, loyal, and I stand behind those I love. Do not judge a situation until you have been there or you may find yourself there and then and only then can you fully understand.

Does that mean I want YOU to go through it? NO! It simply means that I would hope you can be the friend or help that the person needs at that time.

Another journey day on this road. God Bless. 🙂

PANIC, ANXIETY & LIFE : NEW UPDATE

Okay, so it is September now and I am working through this “issue”. Good days, bad days, facing my fear, trying to recover the lost things that panic took from me. I am still on the journey but I read, study, pray and hope. I am learning ways to re train my brain and get it out of “stuck” mode.I am learning that being alone is okay but I have to manage and control my mind. I also learned “trying to get to know my anxiety” was NOT a help mate for me but it does seem to help to acknowledge it and to know that it is there and I have to deal with it, not run from it. Does that always work? No. But it has helped a lot.

I am also learning that it just is what it is and being afraid won’t change it. So, I have to accept it and go on. I know what a journey this can be but I suggest finding others who also walk this road and instead of sharing how it “feels” all the time, share ways that help you to manage it. Then, there are times when you can share how it feels without going into panic yourself.  It is a very strange thing to deal with and I am slowly adjusting but by no means am I “cured” yet. However, I do see some hope and I see where it can be overcome. It is a place most people would never want to tread but some of us have to for whatever reason.

Keep the faith my friends and keep on hanging in there.

MY CATS HATE ME

Yes, they must. I try to pet them, they claw and bite me. I give them the best of everything, food, towers, scratch post and on and on and on and they bite and claw and scratch me.  They throw my briefcases onto the floor so the 83 lb. Shepherd can eat everything inside. They jump on my flowers in vases and, after eating them, they toss the vase with water to the floor so it can shatter into a million shreds.

They love to walk on my keyboard and delete anything I might currently be writing. They also love to wait until I am least expecting it and they bite me while purring and leave trails of blood on my back. They obviously mated with a bobcat. They love to destroy anything nice I have out while avoiding anything I could care less about.

They are sweet as sugar one minute and mauling me the next. They are alien cats I have to assume. They show no characteristics of normal cats. they have been fixed, rabies shots and feline tested. They are bought toys and well, just about spoiled to no end.

Oh well, I thought they were supposed to be aloof and yet somehow entertaining. They are entertaining if you love mass destruction. I have decided that after years of loving cats, I love my cats but maybe I should not have named them Hercules and Cujo. lol. A day in the life of my alien cats.

Today is today. Anxiety Journey

I have thus far had a great day. I am taking control and doing what I can. I am listening, learning, praying, struggling, trying, crying, laughing and putting my best feet forward which, is only two, since I am a human. I am finding a bit of my humor back, I am learning to accept what CAN be changed. ‘

I am realizing it is harder than I thought in some ways yet easier in ways I never dreamed. I am started to get back up and face the demon within that has tried to consume my life. I am seeing this for what it is and that helps a lot. I am trying to set new goals and watch funnier movies even though I hate comedy.

I am dramatic at times, quick tempered but not nearly as bad as I used to be, reaching out, learning to give of myself and accept I might get hurt. That is life. I am writing, blogging, drawing, painting, taking pictures and dreaming. I am learning to appreciate the blessings and letting go of the bad things.

I am learning and that is a very good thing. 🙂