I did a lot of soul searching in the this Pandemic that never seems to end. I realized how much of me I had given up to provide for the joy of others. Now, I will be the first to say that I regret almost none of that part of it. It has brought joy and love and happiness and if helping took that I am great with it. I mean that I discovered another part of me that I had forgotten about. The happy, laughing, dare devilish, joking girl who loved Photography, Nature walks, Hiking, Repelling, The Beach and so much more. So, I am going to find her again and get her back out there to discover the World And life she left behind.
It keeps a new memory for me… I love you. Always. Sara nicolle.
Aunt and her little niece…
I post some of mine on here. Here is one. This is a form of trick photography. These are not actually on the stands. they are bubbles I took photos of, the real bubbles you blow and then I cloned them onto the candle holders.
Love is a word so easily used but real love is rarely applied in some cases. WHAT then is REAL love? Real love is showing you care in some form or fashion. Whether it is a phone call to someone if you cannot get there when they are sick, or down, or just need human interaction.
Real love is not assaulting them when they reach out for help by telling them they are selfish because you are busy and doing the best that you can. It is not giving them the 500 excuses of why you couldn’t come, forgot to call, meant to write, tried to get there and just couldn’t find 10 seconds in this world of cyber everything to put an I love you or I am praying for you or thinking of you.
It is a flower picked from the road for someone you know is sad but you didn’t have the money to buy a bouquet. It is holding their hand when they cannot get through something alone. It is a call, a note, a text it is anything that shows that you want to be there for them.
If you can take time to stop at a store, answer a phone call, send a text, go to “meetings” or spend hours at conferences, go fishing, hunting, shopping, go out to eat or basically breathe, then you can show someone who may need you “real” Love. The excuses you give as to why you can’t are just that. Excuses. Remember that next time you KNOW someone needs you or is suffering. That one small thing is something they will never forget.
Mine and I love making memories out of photos.
Sometimes we have to overcome our desire to hang onto toxic people.
They come in all ways, passive aggressive, two faced, self righteous
or they just want you when the going is good.
They are mean when you don’t deliver, come when you have something to offer but never show up when you don’t/
They will try and break you in any way they can to make themselves feel better.
All in all. we have to let go of them to keep our minds healthy.
We can still talk to them or be around them
but we no accept the toxic abuse.
We let go. We live. We become better and happier people.
They continue being toxic.
But that is not an issue we can cure for them.
However, by making it known we will not be a rag doll for them to throw around,
we cleanse ourselves.
Close your eyes, stop your thoughts and just listen.
What do you hear? Is it voices? Is it rain? Is it ocean waves as they crash onto the sand?
Is it cars as they bustle about on their busy day? Maybe it is babies crying or children laughing.
Dogs barking, cats meowing, or is the the sounds of war, crime and hate?
If you listen soft enough and close off the world, you will hear other sounds as well.
The unbroken symphony of the one you love
The heartbeat of angels or the song of the hurt.
The anger of the broken or the whisper of goodbye.
All of the things we miss
Because we never TRULY listen.
RANDOM QUOTE: Two things that can break you and bring you to your knees;
When you realize the power of God and the death of a child.
I just wanted to explain some of what goes on when dealing with panic and anxiety. I have been told, “Well, that is not how it really is. What you are feeling about situations are not true, be it family, the world, etc.” Well, when going through it, it is real to you. It may NOT be the actual reality but your mind is telling you it is.
I DO pray and I have been HELPED so much by that, I do listen to soothing music, I do try ALL of the things I come across to help. I do at times feel lonely, I do get scared, I do rely on God and the other forms of therapy that come along and I DO want to get better.
Having this issue makes me no less of a believer in God than someone who does not have it. It simply means I am having to start over again and regroup. It does not mean I am not aware of what others are going through or that I think I am worse off.
It simply means that my mind is telling me things and I am relying on the many ways to re train my brain. God gives us a powerful tool and it can be used by Satan to make us think we are weak but I can assure people with this issue are actually very strong. They just got caught off guard and BOOM it happened.
Be kind and supportive instead of thinking (As I have been told, that I do not have enough faith. I believe I do but maybe I am just having a harder time grasping what has been a situation I never encountered before). I always held my own, tried to be there for others, and to help when needed.
I am human, not perfect. I am loving, loyal, and I stand behind those I love. Do not judge a situation until you have been there or you may find yourself there and then and only then can you fully understand.
Does that mean I want YOU to go through it? NO! It simply means that I would hope you can be the friend or help that the person needs at that time.
Another journey day on this road. God Bless. 🙂
Okay, so it is September now and I am working through this “issue”. Good days, bad days, facing my fear, trying to recover the lost things that panic took from me. I am still on the journey but I read, study, pray and hope. I am learning ways to re train my brain and get it out of “stuck” mode.I am learning that being alone is okay but I have to manage and control my mind. I also learned “trying to get to know my anxiety” was NOT a help mate for me but it does seem to help to acknowledge it and to know that it is there and I have to deal with it, not run from it. Does that always work? No. But it has helped a lot.
I am also learning that it just is what it is and being afraid won’t change it. So, I have to accept it and go on. I know what a journey this can be but I suggest finding others who also walk this road and instead of sharing how it “feels” all the time, share ways that help you to manage it. Then, there are times when you can share how it feels without going into panic yourself. It is a very strange thing to deal with and I am slowly adjusting but by no means am I “cured” yet. However, I do see some hope and I see where it can be overcome. It is a place most people would never want to tread but some of us have to for whatever reason.
Keep the faith my friends and keep on hanging in there.
Yes, they must. I try to pet them, they claw and bite me. I give them the best of everything, food, towers, scratch post and on and on and on and they bite and claw and scratch me. They throw my briefcases onto the floor so the 83 lb. Shepherd can eat everything inside. They jump on my flowers in vases and, after eating them, they toss the vase with water to the floor so it can shatter into a million shreds.
They love to walk on my keyboard and delete anything I might currently be writing. They also love to wait until I am least expecting it and they bite me while purring and leave trails of blood on my back. They obviously mated with a bobcat. They love to destroy anything nice I have out while avoiding anything I could care less about.
They are sweet as sugar one minute and mauling me the next. They are alien cats I have to assume. They show no characteristics of normal cats. they have been fixed, rabies shots and feline tested. They are bought toys and well, just about spoiled to no end.
Oh well, I thought they were supposed to be aloof and yet somehow entertaining. They are entertaining if you love mass destruction. I have decided that after years of loving cats, I love my cats but maybe I should not have named them Hercules and Cujo. lol. A day in the life of my alien cats.