Panic & Anxiety

Holding on and trying not to let the little things become monsters in the light. Learning to adjust to the mind set of just letting go and going on past that “thing” that is trying to enslave me.

Going through the steps needed to teach us and me how we overcome and say enough of this! It is a battle but then there are victories so relying on the victories to try and topple the panic and anxiety. Learning to be alone and be okay.

Because we can do this!

Today is Today

I am just thinking and over thinking which I am so great at. lol. But realizing each day is what you deal with and worry about that day only. However, I am trying to cleanse my brain of all toxic thoughts, people and actions and keep it clean and clear.

I am trying to focus on things that are important and not things people might do, whether they realize it or not that will keep me thinking clearly and firmly in the positive. Of course there are negatives in life but I can still focus on what is the important and the real.

I am trying to keep any toxic people out of my life and out of my head. For those who suffer anxiety or panic, this is a must for us! We have to not re- think everything we say or do or that others say or do to us. it is what it is and people are who they are. Period.

We cannot change them but we can delete them from our lives in the way of letting them know we are no longer going to listen to negative thoughts about us or how we live. We have to go on and realize it is not our fault if someone tried to play on our weakness. It is only our fault if we let them.

So let’s be strong fellow sufferers and try to wipe all of that out and strengthen our hearts, minds and souls so we can recover in our own ways and enjoy life as it is. Have a GREAT day and stand STRONG!

RACISM & REVOLUTION

We are in a Revolution America and racism and dividing us according to our races is pulling us apart. We need to unit as Americans. Why hate me because I am black, white, asian, latino, or any other race? We NEED to unite!

When it all comes down to the bottom line, we can work as a unit to help this Country and we can overcome anything thrown at us. But if we allow the media to continue to turn us against each other then we are in trouble.

We are all one nation, under God. We are allowing the media and our own personal feelings to cause us to turn on each other. The excuses of bad officers as an excuse for turning on each other is no excuse. There are good and bad people no matter what their profession or race. So let’s stop doing this and come together as a Country. United we WILL stand but DIVIDED we will fall.

Anxiety and its not so great moments

It has been quite a while since i had a “moment”. One came last week even though I am on meds and it set off a whole new time of worry. Ugh! I hate that part. Soooo, back to mentally challenging myself until Lord Willing, follow up with cardiologist on Thursday.

I am a good percent sure it is or was panic or anxiety but strangely, i wasn’t even upset or stressed at that moment. I was talking to someone who was but i felt fine and then bam! there it came. Out of nowhere. What bothered me is I am on meds for it so i couldn’t figure out why it happened.

Then I call Doc and he says no probably not panic which led to the Cardio follow up. Then this morning I was stressed and had pain under my breast area and that freaked me out. Super ugh! I have doing really good so to have the episode was needless to say, upsetting.

It is such a fine line between if something is wrong or panic that I think that is what can set panic into motion. Either way, here we go round and round on the circle of this disorder. So, I am going to try some yoga, some breathing exercises and just try to relax and see if that helps.

As this only started less than two years ago, I find it disturbing, scary, annoying and it just flat out makes me mad sometimes that IF it is only panic, WHY is it able to control my mind? Totally a bad deal. So sharing my mood for the day for my fellow challenged in this area. Let us try to rock on and overcome this if we can.

A poem for Panic & Anxiety

                                      DEMONS of the MIND

 You cannot help what you don’t understand.

The fear, the darkness that threatens to overtake me.

The way my own mind scares me at times and makes me think things

that are not even true. The way i think

The way I love

 The way i cry

The loneliness

The fright

The desire to need and feel love

To be accepted, needed, wanted.

Then pushing it away

Out of fear it will rejected.

The fear of not being in control of my life.

The torture of trying to understand

reality

honesty

fake people

life

hope.

All of these are the Demons of my mind. To help me……. You have to understand them.

L.S. Rockel Copyright 2014

Panic and Anxiety

I live in this world and for the most part, I hate it. That part of the world I deal with. On the other hand, it is teaching me things I never even knew. How to calm my self, how to not overthink everything. It is teaching me how to resolve problems and how to get throw a panic attack even though it is by no means easy.

It is also helping me to understand others who have it and how we take this journey together. It is a strange, cold world, the world of panic and anxiety and yet it is an eye opener. You learn that those who truly care may fail at times but they will keep coming back to try and help you figure it out. the reality may be that they are scared they may  fall prey to the world of it themselves if they get too close or try to hard to help.

Regardless, we have others going through that we can lean on, that do understand, that know the challenges we face and we can share the many ways we work to resolve these issues. So, Good day to my fellow agents and we continue our fight to get back to “normal”.

When you are a part of us. For family and friends of those who have anxiety or panic.

No, you don’t understand us or our issue. Some of you try but you can’t see it so you either run from it or try to help by blindly doing what you might think helps. We love those of you who do try and we are sad for those who rung because you are running from us as well.

So, I am going to try and take you into our world and see if I can give you a glimpse of what it feels like or how scary it can be. Take your worst phobia or fear and imagine going through it. An example would be claustrophobia. The fear of closed in spaces. Have someone put you in a tiny confined area with no light and close you in. They are not going to tell you when they will let you out.

So, there you are, with no idea when or how you can get out. There is no escape. The fear builds the longer you are there and no one comes to get you out. Thoughts start getting into your head and you get more and more panicked with each minute that ticks by. Seconds seem like hours.

Finally, after what seems to have been hours, the door opens but you are shaking, terrified and beyond any way of calming yourself down. the person with you tries to console you but it does no good. Because why? You are in a state of panic. Your mind is playing games with you and finally,finally, after you think you are on the brink of going insane, you get calm.

That is what happens in our life when these moments come. This is how our lives are in these moments. Yes, there are things we learn and use to get better and then a day comes and bam, it hits out of the blue. I only began having panic attacks less than two years ago. I went from a strong, very independent person to a person who found herself totally at a loss as to what had happened.

I still battle it and although MOST of my days are good, and I am so grateful and blessed for that, I am never sure when they will pop up. But, I thought maybe if those around us could just get a small glimpse of what we go through, it might help them to understand. We need you to know, not run.

HONESTY AND HIDING BEHIND UNSEEN CURTAINS

It is hard to be honest with someone. It is hard to look a person in the face and say, “You hurt me. You make me feel sad. You were cruel or mean. You avoid me and then act like you didn’t know I called or tried to reach out”.  Being honest does often win you friends. It can be done in love but your chances of keeping that person on “your” team drop drastically. Be prepared.

However, as long as you are looking into your own “spiritual” mirror, and seeing your own faults and flaws, it is okay to be honest. Too many times today we hide behind an “unseen” curtain that we feel protects us because we feel by being “honest” we might upset someone. The truth is, you might actually help someone.

None of us see ourselves as we truly are. We see ourselves in a much better light that what we actually are. That does not mean we are “bad” people, only that we need to really look at a world around us that has covered itself in an “unseen” curtain. As long as we all smile and play nice, the world is good.

But, in reality, we are living a false life. What better friend is the friend who is truly open and honest and tells the ones they love how they feel. Has it ever made me mad or upset when someone came to me in true honesty and not just lashing at me because I made them mad? Sure, it hurt or made me mad but I thought it over and the times I WAS wrong, I was honest enough to go back and say, “I am sorry. you were right”. Did I want to? Not really but that is part of removing that “unseen curtain”.

In a world of fake smiles, fake friends, and fake people, we need honesty back. It is what made the human part of us, human.

UNDERSTANDIND PANIC AND ANXIETY

I just wanted to explain some of what goes on when dealing with panic and anxiety. I have been told, “Well, that is not how it really is. What you are feeling about situations are not true, be it family, the world, etc.” Well, when going through it, it is real to you. It may NOT be the actual reality but your mind is telling you it is.

I DO pray and I have been HELPED so much by that, I do listen to soothing music, I do try ALL of the things I come across to help. I do at times feel lonely, I do get scared, I do rely on God and the other forms of therapy that come along and I DO want to get better.

Having this issue makes me no less of a believer in God than someone who does not have it. It simply means I am having to start over again and regroup. It does not mean I am not aware of what others are going through or that I think I am worse off.

It simply means that my mind is telling me things and I am relying on the many ways to re train my brain. God gives us a powerful tool and it can be used by Satan to make us think we are weak but I can assure people with this issue are actually very strong. They just got caught off guard and BOOM it happened.

Be kind and supportive instead of thinking (As I have been told, that I do not have enough faith. I believe I do but maybe I am just having a harder time grasping what has been a situation I never encountered before).  I always held my own, tried to be there for others, and to help when needed.

I am human, not perfect. I am loving, loyal, and I stand behind those I love. Do not judge a situation until you have been there or you may find yourself there and then and only then can you fully understand.

Does that mean I want YOU to go through it? NO! It simply means that I would hope you can be the friend or help that the person needs at that time.

Another journey day on this road. God Bless. 🙂

PANIC, ANXIETY & LIFE : NEW UPDATE

Okay, so it is September now and I am working through this “issue”. Good days, bad days, facing my fear, trying to recover the lost things that panic took from me. I am still on the journey but I read, study, pray and hope. I am learning ways to re train my brain and get it out of “stuck” mode.I am learning that being alone is okay but I have to manage and control my mind. I also learned “trying to get to know my anxiety” was NOT a help mate for me but it does seem to help to acknowledge it and to know that it is there and I have to deal with it, not run from it. Does that always work? No. But it has helped a lot.

I am also learning that it just is what it is and being afraid won’t change it. So, I have to accept it and go on. I know what a journey this can be but I suggest finding others who also walk this road and instead of sharing how it “feels” all the time, share ways that help you to manage it. Then, there are times when you can share how it feels without going into panic yourself.  It is a very strange thing to deal with and I am slowly adjusting but by no means am I “cured” yet. However, I do see some hope and I see where it can be overcome. It is a place most people would never want to tread but some of us have to for whatever reason.

Keep the faith my friends and keep on hanging in there.