Telling myself to let go of the catastrophic thoughts that try to entangle my brain while also trying to release the chaos that is trying to surround it and just make it think clear. My beautiful yet complicated mind. Me
I am exploring all the realms of dealing with this. At the current moment, I am using the control of my mind to try and block out the anxiety and panic. if i feel it coming on, I try and block it with a positive thought and the mind set that I am stronger mentally .
I am pretending I am at war and this battle is me and the enemy, panic and anxiety. I am letting go of things I cannot control and trying very hard not to dwell, as I so often do, on a certain thing.
It has been three days and I cannot say I have NOT had moments BUT I can say i was able to overcome them really quick. Soooo, for not me-3, panic and anxiety-0 on these three days. I will just keep doing this, L.W. and hope I can retrain my brain to overcome. Oh and I have taken up Yoga again.
As I travel this road of anxiety and try to learn new things each day on how to get it out of my system, my sister said something the other day when I was having a “moment”. She said, “Go back to the old you and keep thinking of the old you”. The “old” me, before all of this was a strong, independent, capable woman who faced the hurdles of life and jumped them. She didn’t come to them and go hide in the rabbit hole.
So, I did and it worked off and on. Then I got to thinking about the times I thought I was going insane, felt unloved and alone. Even though this was in my mind and partially true when people run because they do not know how to help or like an infection, they “fear” they will “catch” it, it reminded me of a poem I wrote on kindle and I want to share it with you from “The Book of Understanding”. It expresses how I felt during those worst of times.
LOVE & INSANITY
Such a fine line between the two. What defines the difference?
Insanity is an escape from reality, a journey others fear to tread.
So is Love.
Love is harsh, yet it comforts, gives hope even when it causes delusions.
So does Insanity.
Insanity keeps you from accepting certain truths and drives you to the brink.
So does Love.
Love demands. It gives, it takes and it waits for redemption.
So does Insanity.
Most never cross the line that divides the two. For the ones who do, they may never know the difference. L.S. Rockel