It is beautiful and yet ugly. Life

Life can be so beautiful and yet so ugly.

Love, happiness, babies. marriage, friendship, family,adoption, playing, running, adventures, prayers, reading, painting, writing, flowers, trees, the four seasons, the pureness of snow, the laughter of a child.

Bills, stress, death of a child, burdens, anxiety, hatred, racism, divorce, affairs, riots, abuse of children and women, burning our flag, killing, using people, destroying.

Something so beautiful and yet so ugly

A Poem for today & A random Quote

LISTEN

Close your eyes, stop your thoughts and just listen.

What do you hear? Is it voices? Is it rain? Is it ocean waves as they crash onto the sand?

Is it cars as they bustle about on their busy day? Maybe it is babies crying or children laughing.

Dogs barking, cats meowing, or is the the sounds of war, crime and hate?

If you listen soft enough and close off the world, you will hear other sounds as well.

The unbroken symphony of the one you love

The heartbeat of angels or the song of the hurt.

The anger of the broken or the whisper of goodbye.

All of the things we miss

Because we never TRULY listen.

RANDOM QUOTE: Two things that can break you and bring you to your knees;

When you realize the power of God and the death of a child.

LETTING GO OF TOXIC PEOPLE, TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS & NEGATIVE ANYTHING

I used to think people saying things like that were just weird. It is a part of life. Well, it is but I have found that it is also true. We have to let go of toxic people or relationships that cause us stress, worry or disturb our relationship with God. We can be honest, upfront and be ourselves but those kinds of people and relationships will use it against us because of many reasons. It might be jealousy, anger with their own lives, or maybe they just don’t care about us or we just don’t have a place in their lives.

LET THEM GO. Let go of negative thoughts and replace them with something positive. Concentrate more on the good things you have, the good people, the people who care, the positive things in your life you can focus on. Spend time with prayer, meditation, music, whatever brings you joy. Your kids, grandkids, etc. Toxic people tend to be two-faced. They smile in your face and then talk about you. When you find out, you get angry and the toxin is back. Just let it go. Love from a distance.

Confide in people who want to listen because they care. Not because they cannot wait to share the juicy things you tried to confide about as soon as they hit their next house to complain, gripe and say, “Oh yeah, he/she said this or that? Can you believe it? we need to pray for them. Of course, prayer never comes into the picture but lot’s of gossip does. We all vent, and we all share our hurts, likes and desires but toxic people listen while they are storing it to use against you. REAL friendship is talking, if you believe in God actually praying about it even if you don’t do it that second.

That does not mean we cannot be human and express our feelings. Just avoid the negative people who when you are trying to do better always find a way to knock you back down after your struggle to get back up. I have been faulted for being loyal, saying that is not what Jesus did but yes, it is, he was loyal, honest, upfront and he did not back down. My mistake was letting people cause me to get angry or hurt and then getting them “back” . That comes from toxic areas. So, I think I will try and love from a distance with these kind of people, stay true to saying how I feel in my heart and being loyal even if it means I am not part of the “crowd”.

HONESTY AND HIDING BEHIND UNSEEN CURTAINS

It is hard to be honest with someone. It is hard to look a person in the face and say, “You hurt me. You make me feel sad. You were cruel or mean. You avoid me and then act like you didn’t know I called or tried to reach out”.  Being honest does often win you friends. It can be done in love but your chances of keeping that person on “your” team drop drastically. Be prepared.

However, as long as you are looking into your own “spiritual” mirror, and seeing your own faults and flaws, it is okay to be honest. Too many times today we hide behind an “unseen” curtain that we feel protects us because we feel by being “honest” we might upset someone. The truth is, you might actually help someone.

None of us see ourselves as we truly are. We see ourselves in a much better light that what we actually are. That does not mean we are “bad” people, only that we need to really look at a world around us that has covered itself in an “unseen” curtain. As long as we all smile and play nice, the world is good.

But, in reality, we are living a false life. What better friend is the friend who is truly open and honest and tells the ones they love how they feel. Has it ever made me mad or upset when someone came to me in true honesty and not just lashing at me because I made them mad? Sure, it hurt or made me mad but I thought it over and the times I WAS wrong, I was honest enough to go back and say, “I am sorry. you were right”. Did I want to? Not really but that is part of removing that “unseen curtain”.

In a world of fake smiles, fake friends, and fake people, we need honesty back. It is what made the human part of us, human.

THE PLUS AND MINUSES OF CELLPHONES AND FACEBOOK & THE INTERNET

We can start with the plus side of both of these unique devices now available to everyone.

  1. If your car breaks down, or gets a flat tire, you have access to use your cell. You can face book anyone, anytime from computer or phone.
  2. With face book, you can stay in touch with photos or messages or etc. through face book.
  3. With cell phones, you can send text anytime to communicate if you don’t have time to talk.
  4. With face book, you can share everything from Pinterest likes to recipes and the list goes on.
  5. NOW, with the minuses:
  6. You no longer have to actually visit with anyone ever because you can cell, or face book.
  7. you can ignore anyone, anytime because you have a cell or face book if you REALLY want to reach them.
  8. You can say anything that you would not have the nerve to say to their face.
  9. No more having to go to homes and see your friends or family, you can just face book or cell.
  10. Days of coffee, tea or just actual human visits are now obsolete.
  11. you can avoid church by watching you tube.
  12. Why spend quality time with your family when so much is going on with text, internet to see what the Kardashians are doing (like that really affects your life) or you can get on face book and just look at what everyone else is saying r not saying to you and you can get mad. Then you can phone or text to say your mad, whence they can avoid you and therefore, make you madder.
  13. People can treat you anyway they want because they never have to face you.
  14. Kids do not play outside anymore.
  15. WHEN you DO have get togethers, look around. 90% of the people there are not really visiting. They are using their cells to text, face book or check out the internet.
  16. The LOST art of human contact is dead.

UNDERSTANDIND PANIC AND ANXIETY

I just wanted to explain some of what goes on when dealing with panic and anxiety. I have been told, “Well, that is not how it really is. What you are feeling about situations are not true, be it family, the world, etc.” Well, when going through it, it is real to you. It may NOT be the actual reality but your mind is telling you it is.

I DO pray and I have been HELPED so much by that, I do listen to soothing music, I do try ALL of the things I come across to help. I do at times feel lonely, I do get scared, I do rely on God and the other forms of therapy that come along and I DO want to get better.

Having this issue makes me no less of a believer in God than someone who does not have it. It simply means I am having to start over again and regroup. It does not mean I am not aware of what others are going through or that I think I am worse off.

It simply means that my mind is telling me things and I am relying on the many ways to re train my brain. God gives us a powerful tool and it can be used by Satan to make us think we are weak but I can assure people with this issue are actually very strong. They just got caught off guard and BOOM it happened.

Be kind and supportive instead of thinking (As I have been told, that I do not have enough faith. I believe I do but maybe I am just having a harder time grasping what has been a situation I never encountered before).  I always held my own, tried to be there for others, and to help when needed.

I am human, not perfect. I am loving, loyal, and I stand behind those I love. Do not judge a situation until you have been there or you may find yourself there and then and only then can you fully understand.

Does that mean I want YOU to go through it? NO! It simply means that I would hope you can be the friend or help that the person needs at that time.

Another journey day on this road. God Bless. 🙂

MY CATS HATE ME

Yes, they must. I try to pet them, they claw and bite me. I give them the best of everything, food, towers, scratch post and on and on and on and they bite and claw and scratch me.  They throw my briefcases onto the floor so the 83 lb. Shepherd can eat everything inside. They jump on my flowers in vases and, after eating them, they toss the vase with water to the floor so it can shatter into a million shreds.

They love to walk on my keyboard and delete anything I might currently be writing. They also love to wait until I am least expecting it and they bite me while purring and leave trails of blood on my back. They obviously mated with a bobcat. They love to destroy anything nice I have out while avoiding anything I could care less about.

They are sweet as sugar one minute and mauling me the next. They are alien cats I have to assume. They show no characteristics of normal cats. they have been fixed, rabies shots and feline tested. They are bought toys and well, just about spoiled to no end.

Oh well, I thought they were supposed to be aloof and yet somehow entertaining. They are entertaining if you love mass destruction. I have decided that after years of loving cats, I love my cats but maybe I should not have named them Hercules and Cujo. lol. A day in the life of my alien cats.

The life of anxiety & Panic.

Very slowly cutting back on my meds and I mean slowly, a tiny bit at a time but I am amazed at how much of a difference it makes. I have to be careful but I am happy that I can even be at this point. I am still battling the mind but it is slowly getting better and I feel like I am getting back to me . I do not expect every day to be a success but I do not think it doesn’t have to be either.

I am learning to stress less, let go, not fixate on a thought and worry it into me to the point of feeling like it is going to drive me insane. I am learning to let  go of people’s ways and take them for who they are. I am me, they are them. What I might think is uber important and I need them, they may not even realize they were needed or maybe they just didn’t have time.

Before I got sick, when people called, I came to the best of my ability to be there. That is just my nature. I cannot stand to see people hurting or suffering and I cannot stand to sit till if someone is in need or needs someone. BUT, that is me. The way God geared me and that is what was hard for me. We are all made different. I am learning to accept that.

I am learning that is okay to have my heartbeat go up a bit.  It is exercise OR it is just happening. I have had some test done, not all but then again most have come back normal. If I I  take them all and all are normal, well, either way, life is life. What is going to happen will. That is why I feel my faith is important. If we believe in nothing, it can add to the anxiety. Or in my opinion anyway.

So today is another quest. Another challenge, another beautiful day that I hope to conquer. Today is here. I am here. That is awesome.

Why your children think you have gone haywire when they have a child

When you have a child, you wonder where your parents minds went. What happened to the strict, sometimes overbearing, you have it this way ,  clean your room or get it together, and on and on parent. or maybe just you got a laid back parents that thought everything you did was cool. Either way, you grow up and have a child. Suddenly that SAME person is like in love with your kid. The baby is perfect, the baby is beautiful, oh that sweet innocent baby that is crying all night and your pulling your hair out and your parent is like, it’s just a baby, they can’t help it. They can’t tell you what they need. ( you don’t know how many times the same person felt like pulling their hair out when you screamed all night haha ).

Then the baby becomes a toddler and nothing it seems they do is wrong. “Oh, their just learning, babies scream, tantrums are normal, let them be themselves and well, by now you know them all. Of course, when you were a toddler, your own parents were at a loss as to what to do or maybe you were one of those rare perfect toddlers who had not a care and was easy going.

Then pre-school and kindergarten. Your little angel is suddenly a bit defiant, maybe strong headed, wanting to do it themselves and maybe they just do everything you say when you ask but either way, here steps in your parent. AGAIN. It is fine, they are just getting to know themselves, they are just three, four, or five, you should have more patience, etc. Never mind that at that age these same alien parents were correcting you and guiding you and so on.

Well, here it is moms and dads. What happened?  You finally grew up, left home, and they missed you. They missed hearing the laughter and all the kid things and the teen quircks and all that stuff . Even the battles that teens and parents go through. Then YOU, their, child have a child and they realize all the things they missed. The joy of watching you grow day by day because their job was to guide you into life but they missed being able to enjoy it.

NOW, they can laugh with this little one, enjoy the things they missed, no worries on correction (well sometimes they have to but not as much) They can make up for the mistakes they felt they made with you and they can love without worrying about the little ones life being screwed up. They can do things with them they couldn’t with you because of schedules and work and games and etc. They can be the cushion when your child is mad at you because they know both sides now.

So what happened? Nothing really. They just discovered how free it can be to love without having to worry about whether that child is perfect or not because no one is. They learned that that beautiful little being is a part of you and because of that, they don’t want to miss a thing. Because they loved and love you first and this is their babies baby.

So for them, not haywire just awakened.