Okay, so it is September now and I am working through this “issue”. Good days, bad days, facing my fear, trying to recover the lost things that panic took from me. I am still on the journey but I read, study, pray and hope. I am learning ways to re train my brain and get it out of “stuck” mode.I am learning that being alone is okay but I have to manage and control my mind. I also learned “trying to get to know my anxiety” was NOT a help mate for me but it does seem to help to acknowledge it and to know that it is there and I have to deal with it, not run from it. Does that always work? No. But it has helped a lot.
I am also learning that it just is what it is and being afraid won’t change it. So, I have to accept it and go on. I know what a journey this can be but I suggest finding others who also walk this road and instead of sharing how it “feels” all the time, share ways that help you to manage it. Then, there are times when you can share how it feels without going into panic yourself. It is a very strange thing to deal with and I am slowly adjusting but by no means am I “cured” yet. However, I do see some hope and I see where it can be overcome. It is a place most people would never want to tread but some of us have to for whatever reason.
Keep the faith my friends and keep on hanging in there.
Yes, they must. I try to pet them, they claw and bite me. I give them the best of everything, food, towers, scratch post and on and on and on and they bite and claw and scratch me. They throw my briefcases onto the floor so the 83 lb. Shepherd can eat everything inside. They jump on my flowers in vases and, after eating them, they toss the vase with water to the floor so it can shatter into a million shreds.
They love to walk on my keyboard and delete anything I might currently be writing. They also love to wait until I am least expecting it and they bite me while purring and leave trails of blood on my back. They obviously mated with a bobcat. They love to destroy anything nice I have out while avoiding anything I could care less about.
They are sweet as sugar one minute and mauling me the next. They are alien cats I have to assume. They show no characteristics of normal cats. they have been fixed, rabies shots and feline tested. They are bought toys and well, just about spoiled to no end.
Oh well, I thought they were supposed to be aloof and yet somehow entertaining. They are entertaining if you love mass destruction. I have decided that after years of loving cats, I love my cats but maybe I should not have named them Hercules and Cujo. lol. A day in the life of my alien cats.
you will find in your life that at times you are abundant in friends but the real test comes when you need them. In this time of your life you may find your friend list dropping from 20 to o. It is easy to post praying for you on facebook or other social media, being there on social media but it will shock you that if you actually call out for help. in a physical form, they may drop off like flies.
That is when you really find your true friends. Those who, regardless of whether they are family or friends from places you met, will come at the drop of a hat. While it can be hurtful to you, take it as an advantage. You can build your strength by knowing they were fair weather friends. Then you can sort through your “real” ones (if there are any left standing and it can help you to build the inner strength that tells you YOU can do this. That will be your defining moment from then on.
Do NOT allow this to bring you down. You can pray, meditate, find a new thing you love to do or get lost in the hole of depression. Do not take that path. Someone, somewhere, out there, is just as lonely as you. Find them and befriend them. I should have put that as a plus on my other blog. lol.
You are not alone. I personally, believe in God so I also make prayer my mainstay these days. You may not but that is your choice. It is my personal way of reaching out when it seems that I am sinking. Good day to all who are going through this.
I am going to check out this strength psychology by Mike Gillette I found. So far pretty interesting. Because bottom line, people don’t like weak people. Whether it is a mind thing or otherwise, it actually scares them I think. The worst part of having your mind shattered is coming back. Being that I was a strong person mentally for so long, this has been a mind tipper for me. BUT with prayer and friendship and love from those who give it, I pray God will help me back with methods of control and true friends, be they family or friends, will be the ones who can handle it and do not mind being there. Most have known me before this all happened and they know I am a person of action who likes to help and be there for others so that is my post for the moment. lol.
Well, this time of the last week or so was a plop. But I hung in there, I had good moments and bad moments and I had days I could have pulled my hair out and days I thought a nervous breakdown was on the way but I did all of my ways of dealing and hung in there. I even had to resort to meds. I exercised, I got angry, I cried, I laughed and then I kept telling myself, you can do this. I prayed, I did Hypnosis , I used my calming music and my music that uses binaural to lift your emotions. I used every method I could think of.
The upside is that I did stay sane. Thank God for that. I am learning that I have to let set backs, be just that, set backs until I am finally able to get past this stupid issue that plagues me. Just wanted to check in with my fellow sufferers and say, yes, it can be done. It is hard, it takes a lot of work, it IS a mind game but NOT a mental illness. It is simply challenging your mind to stop those negative thoughts on the days when you feel you could freak. Still one more heart test and then I will know this IS all a panic thing. Good day my friends.
I was pondering my thoughts, yes, that can be scary but I was thinking about living together vs. getting married and before I get any rude comments, I did it myself before I became as most of you call me “religious”. lol. It is to me, kind of like renting houses. You check them out before you buy because you know it is most likely a lifetime change. Living together is the same thing. You check out the person first to make sure that is something you want for a lifetime. You do… everything like a married couple except sign a paper. Then, if it is not what you like, you move on. Sadly, someone usually is left with a broken heart and sometimes a kid who didn’t ask for any of it to start with. Kind of a cheap trade off for a simple paper that states you are willing to invest, the love, time and energy into that person, for better or for worse. So, for those who do hold biblical beliefs, that is a chance that now, looking back, why bother? If they love you enough to act married, why don’t they love you enough to commit? Someone once told me, “Why buy the cow when you get the milk for free?’ Just food for thought.
I watched a video by Bob Magroove on anxiety and he said to guard your mind just like a security guard guards a building. So I have placed in my mind a glass wall in the front of my mind. Standing guard are two warrior angels. They allow NO negative feelings or panic or any other type of anxiety to enter.
When I feel it, I watch them in my mind, guarding my wall. God has commanded them to allow no negative anything, no panic, no etc. I am having success the last two days I have tried this. I am standing strong against the weakness in my mind that I allowed to enter. Yes, you heard me right. We allowed this to enter by not keeping our minds sharp and on guard.
I remind myself to stay off the complain train. I keep a lookout for negative people who might try and enforce any things that might try and weaken me. This is a real issue and these are real problems. NOT like those fighting cancer or otherwise but to us, it is crippling so I am working to take charge of my life today! Good day to us all and may we hold strong!
I have thus far had a great day. I am taking control and doing what I can. I am listening, learning, praying, struggling, trying, crying, laughing and putting my best feet forward which, is only two, since I am a human. I am finding a bit of my humor back, I am learning to accept what CAN be changed. ‘
I am realizing it is harder than I thought in some ways yet easier in ways I never dreamed. I am started to get back up and face the demon within that has tried to consume my life. I am seeing this for what it is and that helps a lot. I am trying to set new goals and watch funnier movies even though I hate comedy.
I am dramatic at times, quick tempered but not nearly as bad as I used to be, reaching out, learning to give of myself and accept I might get hurt. That is life. I am writing, blogging, drawing, painting, taking pictures and dreaming. I am learning to appreciate the blessings and letting go of the bad things.
I am learning and that is a very good thing. 🙂
Well guys, I have my ups and my downs as expected. I had a few times of coming close but I tried to remember I am in charge of my brain and thoughts. I was able to stop them before they got full strong. So far at least. I have some issues I battle because they seem on the fence BUT I am still hanging in there.
I had a moment this morn when I swallowed water and it seemed to burn going down. Almost brought a panic but I was a able to grab it by the horns and stop it. I think I will have two test done to confirm no physical aspect to it and then I think I can do this. God willing anyway.
So hang in there! There IS hope and we CAN do this! IF and WHEN it is really just a panic attack, we can overcome it. IF you have had test and they are all normal, it is panic. IF you have not, do like me and try to start having them all done so we can be sure we have checked the chart for physical.
Then we can defeat the mental! have a great day! I hope to, L.W.
So, today has been good so far. Of course it is early in the day but dogs and kitties have been good. Working on book and it comes and goes and I start and restart it. Yeah, not experienced with the whole writing thing. Doing it for me. Poetry I love to write but this is way different. So anyway, it is early in the day so we shall see.
I am trying to defeat the cycle within my mind. Although yesterday was bad I DID control it to a very strong point. THAT was good. It tried to start this morning but I shoved it off. So, that was good. Do any of you have things you would like to add that help you? That make you more aware of how to not just handle but defeat this? I would love to hear them.
I even got an app for grown up coloring books and I am an artist ,so, hhahaha on that but I am doing it. I just have not picked up my art supplies in a couple of months and I have that tendency anyway, so no big deal. I go through periods where I just don’t want to do art. Other times, I am into it for weeks.
Okay, enough about me. I hope as we all take this journey, you are finding something on here that inspires or helps you. I hope you are learning to retrain your brain as I am trying to do and I hope we ALL can overcome this stupid panic, anxiety or depression (whichever you may suffer from) so we can live our lives fully and enjoy it. Have a great day my friends.