DAY EIGHT: UGGGHHHH

I tired an all natural med to help and needless to say, it was a plop.

It made for a horrible day. I felt like I was back at square one but still determined not to let it beat me up.

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DAY SEVEN: Panic and resolving

So today was a horrible day BUT not due to panic. I must say I held up quite well considering. I woke up at 6:00 a.m. and decided to go ahead and get up. Last night I listened to binaural beats on headphones and relaxed to that.

6:00 a.m.: Dog (90 lb. Shep pup) 8 months old, decided to find a way through the downstairs gate up to the office and tore it apart AFTER taking two huge poops on the carpet.

He is fully potty trained by the way. he was mad because he did not get enough time last night playing ball.

Then he decides he wants to play out back so I let him out. I go out fifteen minutes later to see what he is up to and he has shredded my brand new pond pump and tossed it out of pond.

I bring him in and while in bathroom, he figured out stair latch and came up. I am taking him back down the stairs and he trips me twisting my foot and and my calf.

Then he decides he wants back out. He then decides to tear up and eat my flowers.

Soooo, back inside where he grabs my arm, refusing to let me unplug uverse to try and reboot it.

Then, he decides he has done enough damage and he is tired so he plops on the couch. At that point, the cat decides it is his turn and tries to knock over all of my décor on the window, breaks my glass of grape juice onto the floor while trying to play with it.

Soooo, I am surprised I did not start screaming, crying, and further pulling strands of my hair out. Yep.

Some things from mine & Caroline’s kindle ebook: The Book of Understanding L.S. Rockel

LISTEN

Close your eyes, stop your thoughts

And just listen

What do you hear? Is it voices? Is it rain?

Is it oceans waves as they rush onto the sand?

Is it cars as they bustle about on their busy day?

Maybe it is babies crying or children laughing

Dogs barking or a cat with its mellow meow.

Is it the sound of war, crime or hate?

If you listen soft enough, you will hear other sounds as well.

The unbroken symphony of the one you love

The heartbeat of angels or the song of the hurt

The anger of the broken or the whisper of goodbye.

All of the things we miss

Because we never listen. L.S. Rockel

UNENCHANTED LOVE

I feel as though I am trapped in a fortress

Trapped by your rage, unable to escape.

The walls that surround me are your hatred

And the thorns at the top are each time your bitter words

Have pierced my heart.

No flowers grow here, only weeds of destruction

Waiting to choke the last of my strength.

Inside of me, where happiness strives to live

Your vines of anger entangle my heart

Trying to destroy any joy or contentment.

I hope to break free of this prison

And smile once again.

I want to wake each day without your dark shadow hanging over me

And to laugh without feeling the punishment of your revenge.

I know one day I will become whole again.

When I do, I will become a blossoming, beautiful rose

And you will be a choking weed, dying until you find more sunlight to destroy.

L.S. Rockel

RE-BIRTH OF A BROKEN HEART

As autumn approached, leaves fell from the trees

Their colors changing to oranges, reds and brilliant yellow.

Finally, they lost all of their color and they shriveled and died.

I felt some of my heart do that the day you died.

Winter came and snow fell, still and majestically white

Yet its icy touch froze everything surrounding it.

The part of my heart that died with you froze along with it.

Then the seasons flew by and over time

Another spring came and brought with it beautiful rays of brightness.

Trees filled with new blooms and leaves

Birds sang songs of joy and restoration

And flowers bloomed in colors of brilliance.

It was then I knew I had also changed.

Where once I had felt empty, I could feel the flutter of joy.

My frozen pieces of heart began to thaw

Feeling the passion, once again, of being alive.

Just as the seasons had passed and brought new life

So was my heart reborn once again

And I could begin to live once more.   L.S. Rockel

DAY SIX: looking forward

Day is starting good so far. We will see, once again, how it goes.As of 2:00 p.m. I am managing  things pretty well.

That could be good or bad, lol, as I have had great days and then a melt down but I am hoping this is a journey to recovery. I am learning exercise plays a big part.

It is scary at first but then I remind myself, heartbeat going up. Normal. Feelings I get. Normal. By that, I mean normal if you have panic attacks. It is okay to feel these things.

DAY FIVE: PART TWO

It went good. I know we each have to do this on our own at our own pace. But I am learning that we have to take control back.

It is easy in some ways and in others, it is really difficult. But some ways I am trying techniques. EFT, PRAYER of course, quoting Bible verses I like, hypnosis for verses for calming, joy, peace and etc.

I am changing my eating habits and also I am try deep breathing which takes time but it does work.

DAY FIVE: ANXIETY & PANIC ATTACKS

Today has started out good so far. I took a med and my usual aspirin, and drank some coffee, which I have cut back on. This may be a long process but I am determined to try and overcome it. I had a brief pain in the chest but it went away.

I listened to some hypnosis videos last night and I found a site called inner health on how to retrain the Amygdala. They have some free videos (two on e-training the Amygdala and a couple others  but also some you have to pay for.

I am also using essential oils as needed. I have decided to wait later in the day this time before I try the LTheamine again.

The kids are here so I will spend some time with them and process how the day goes. On a note: Hypnosis does NOT put you to sleep. Or at least not me, as I think I stated in one of the earlier blogs. However, it does relax me and I am  using soothing nature sounds at night because I love the sound of the ocean. You can also find these free on you tube. I just type in free videos of nature sounds, mine without music.

As of 2:30 still going good. Trying to be positive and keep an outlook of brightness so I will write more later after kids leave. L.W.

DAY FOUR: Possible help

I added Ltheanine to my routine. It is an anti-oxidant that comes in pill form. It seemed  to help a lot. But that was my first day so we will see how it progresses.

It was a good though somewhat stressful day to start out but after that, it seemed to get much better.

I stayed gone a lot of the day and just tried to take in the world in general.

I prayed also a lot as I often do daily.

I repeat the verse or verses that bring relief.

THERE IS HOPE. We just have to get through it.

I am also still working on turning off that Amygdala switch.

“All things are possible who Christ who strengthens me”.

Each day we wake and try is another success whether good or bad so Lord Willing, this process will continue to improve as God allows.

Be careful in judging someone who has an issue you think is stupid for having a problem that you see as weakness or thinking that it is just because they don’t have enough “faith”  or you may find yourself right there with them.

ACTUALLY, people who are suffering the attacks or anxiety are actually very mentally strong and intelligent. They just hit a spot where the switch turned on after years or months of protecting themselves from situations.

Have a good day to those who are struggling and to those who are not.