Week of anxiety training

Well guys, I have my ups and my downs as expected. I had a few times of coming close but I tried to remember I am in charge of my brain and thoughts. I was able to stop them before they got full strong. So far at least. I have some issues I battle because they seem on the fence BUT I am still hanging in there.

I had a moment this morn when I swallowed water and it seemed to burn going down. Almost brought a panic but I was a able to grab it by the horns and stop it. I think I will have two test done to confirm no physical aspect to it and then I think I can do this. God willing anyway.

So hang in there! There IS hope and we CAN do this! IF and WHEN it is really just a panic attack, we can overcome it. IF you have had test and they are all normal, it is panic. IF you have not, do like me and try to start having them all done so we can be sure we have checked the chart for physical.

Then we can defeat the mental! have a great day! I hope to, L.W.


The life of anxiety & Panic.

Very slowly cutting back on my meds and I mean slowly, a tiny bit at a time but I am amazed at how much of a difference it makes. I have to be careful but I am happy that I can even be at this point. I am still battling the mind but it is slowly getting better and I feel like I am getting back to me . I do not expect every day to be a success but I do not think it doesn’t have to be either.

I am learning to stress less, let go, not fixate on a thought and worry it into me to the point of feeling like it is going to drive me insane. I am learning to let  go of people’s ways and take them for who they are. I am me, they are them. What I might think is uber important and I need them, they may not even realize they were needed or maybe they just didn’t have time.

Before I got sick, when people called, I came to the best of my ability to be there. That is just my nature. I cannot stand to see people hurting or suffering and I cannot stand to sit till if someone is in need or needs someone. BUT, that is me. The way God geared me and that is what was hard for me. We are all made different. I am learning to accept that.

I am learning that is okay to have my heartbeat go up a bit.  It is exercise OR it is just happening. I have had some test done, not all but then again most have come back normal. If I I  take them all and all are normal, well, either way, life is life. What is going to happen will. That is why I feel my faith is important. If we believe in nothing, it can add to the anxiety. Or in my opinion anyway.

So today is another quest. Another challenge, another beautiful day that I hope to conquer. Today is here. I am here. That is awesome.

Why your children think you have gone haywire when they have a child

When you have a child, you wonder where your parents minds went. What happened to the strict, sometimes overbearing, you have it this way ,  clean your room or get it together, and on and on parent. or maybe just you got a laid back parents that thought everything you did was cool. Either way, you grow up and have a child. Suddenly that SAME person is like in love with your kid. The baby is perfect, the baby is beautiful, oh that sweet innocent baby that is crying all night and your pulling your hair out and your parent is like, it’s just a baby, they can’t help it. They can’t tell you what they need. ( you don’t know how many times the same person felt like pulling their hair out when you screamed all night haha ).

Then the baby becomes a toddler and nothing it seems they do is wrong. “Oh, their just learning, babies scream, tantrums are normal, let them be themselves and well, by now you know them all. Of course, when you were a toddler, your own parents were at a loss as to what to do or maybe you were one of those rare perfect toddlers who had not a care and was easy going.

Then pre-school and kindergarten. Your little angel is suddenly a bit defiant, maybe strong headed, wanting to do it themselves and maybe they just do everything you say when you ask but either way, here steps in your parent. AGAIN. It is fine, they are just getting to know themselves, they are just three, four, or five, you should have more patience, etc. Never mind that at that age these same alien parents were correcting you and guiding you and so on.

Well, here it is moms and dads. What happened?  You finally grew up, left home, and they missed you. They missed hearing the laughter and all the kid things and the teen quircks and all that stuff . Even the battles that teens and parents go through. Then YOU, their, child have a child and they realize all the things they missed. The joy of watching you grow day by day because their job was to guide you into life but they missed being able to enjoy it.

NOW, they can laugh with this little one, enjoy the things they missed, no worries on correction (well sometimes they have to but not as much) They can make up for the mistakes they felt they made with you and they can love without worrying about the little ones life being screwed up. They can do things with them they couldn’t with you because of schedules and work and games and etc. They can be the cushion when your child is mad at you because they know both sides now.

So what happened? Nothing really. They just discovered how free it can be to love without having to worry about whether that child is perfect or not because no one is. They learned that that beautiful little being is a part of you and because of that, they don’t want to miss a thing. Because they loved and love you first and this is their babies baby.

So for them, not haywire just awakened.

A morning of calm

So, today has been good so far. Of course it is early in the day but dogs and kitties have been good. Working on book and it comes and goes and I start and restart it. Yeah, not experienced with the whole writing thing. Doing it for me. Poetry I love to write but this is way different. So anyway, it is early in the day so we shall see.

I am trying to defeat the cycle within my mind. Although yesterday was bad I DID control it to a very strong point. THAT was good. It tried to start this morning but I shoved it off. So, that was good. Do any of you have things you would like to add that help you? That make you more aware of how to not just handle but defeat this? I would love to hear them.

I even got an app for grown up coloring books and I am an artist ,so, hhahaha on that but I am doing it. I just have not picked up my art supplies in a couple of months and I have that tendency anyway, so no big deal. I go through periods where I just don’t want to do art.  Other times, I am into it for weeks.

Okay, enough about me. I hope as we all take this journey, you are finding something on here that inspires or helps you. I hope you are learning to retrain your brain as I am trying to do and I hope we ALL can overcome this stupid panic, anxiety or depression (whichever you may suffer from) so we can live our lives fully and enjoy it. Have a great day my friends.

The life of a Pastor’s Wife and the unrealistic expectations

So, I have read and studied and ask other Pastor’s wives how they do it and I was surprised to find that many are like me.  Okay, so I was NOT born to be the wife of a Pastor. By that I mean, I never knew God was going to put me in that role. I lived a pretty bold life in my teens and young adult years and I was not who you would expect to see nor would you have imagined my husband EVER becoming a Pastor. But God turned our lives around and here we are from Youth Leaders to he being a Pastor.

As I found from so many other Pastor’s wives, we are put on a level we have no place on nor do we desire to be there. YES, we will do anything we can to help. Yes, we serve God at home and church. Yes, we love our church but many told me to also be honest about who I am as a human. Yes, I am still a human.

So here goes. This is who I am as Pastor Dan’s wife:

I like to shoot guns. I went yesterday after 20 years. may have damaged my ear drums but I can still get center shot.

I like scary movies. Yep. I do. Never ones with demon content or possession but yes, I like some.

I get frustrated.

I am battling things that any human battles at times no matter how “Godly” you are. Has God failed me? NO! I just am not able to do anything but lean on his mercy to help me overcome.

I am brutally honest (working on that one).

I do not care if you know I falter because no one is perfect.

I am caring, loyal, loving and I always feel such compassion for abused children and animals.

I am me. I love people, I love our church, I love my husband and I of course love God.

BUT I am human, prone to mistakes and I pray daily for my failures. hat is who I am.


Okay, it has been good and it has been some bad. I am using all of my methods as you have read before but I am also teaching the brain God gave me that I am in c0ontrol of it. There ARE days I feel the ship is sinking but then I pull that anchor up with my bare hands and say, NO! Stop that! because WE can beat this. Do NOT allow the fear to overcome you. It truly IS all in our mind.

When we take the focus off of the negative, we begin to plant that seed and watch it grow stronger each day. Do whatever it takes when your mind starts to fixate whether it is a book, or a picture to color, yes, I said that, or drawing or whatever. Pick it up and do it. I always use my white door now vs. black door (earlier post) and I also stop it IF and WHEN I can before it starts.

IF I feel it coming, I do my methods but I don’t fight it as much anymore. I face by saying I know it is there but I control it. It does NOT matter if we are fully healed but we can be and let go of this fear. It is not something we need in our lives. Face  your negative with a positive. Make your negative into a POSITIVE!

Stay AWAY from people who insult you, hassle you about what you believe or people who in a “sweet” way, say things that they KNOW will upset you. Those things we do NOT need. So for today, let us focus on our POSITIVE. Tell yourself and MEAN it that you are good, that you can and will do this, that you are a GREAT person! 🙂 HOOYAH!!!