Today I will celebrate your life and test the waters.

It has been 11 long years since you left us. I have never celebrated that day by trying to remember all the beautiful things about you but today I will test those waters. It is kind of like testing the water before you go in a pool. Warm at first but colder as you go. Maybe it will stay warm all of the way. I will pray for the families of the three friends who died with you.
So here is to you Nikki. Your laughter was contagious. Your soul was beautiful. You were bullied but you never stopped until you made friends of those bullies. I know because they told me at your service. You never did tell me. I was proud of you.Your smile was always beaming. You never failed to be nice to everyone and even got fired for being to “nice” to the customers.
You overcame so much of your Autism and other issues because I never told you they were there but even though some remained, it took a while before someone caught on. You ordered tomato soup one year because you were working at Walgreens and it was your money right? So you paid almost 25.00 for 4 cans of tomato soup that cost less than a dollar because you wanted to order online.
You wore party dresses to waffle house and when I ask why, you said, “Because I am dressing for me mom. Not other people. I don’t have anyone to impress”. You learned to hug even though it was hard. You still hugged to the side but you hugged. A big deal with Autism. You loved deeply. You were a champion at doing something until you got it done even when I thought you could not.
You had a light in you that few people have. You loved your baby sister and your family and your friends, Kelli and Kandice and your friend Samuel from Australia and Joel who came to your service driving 12 straight hours even though you had never met. You had tons of online myspace friends that were in your life even be it online.
You loved to sit on the porch and when you left even the neighbors said later they missed the waves and the smiles. You brought a beauty into our world that will never be replaced and as I quoted in the song, “This world was never meant for one as beautiful as you.” I love you. Nik. Always. Love, Mom

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LETTING GO OF TOXIC PEOPLE, TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS & NEGATIVE ANYTHING

I used to think people saying things like that were just weird. It is a part of life. Well, it is but I have found that it is also true. We have to let go of toxic people or relationships that cause us stress, worry or disturb our relationship with God. We can be honest, upfront and be ourselves but those kinds of people and relationships will use it against us because of many reasons. It might be jealousy, anger with their own lives, or maybe they just don’t care about us or we just don’t have a place in their lives.

LET THEM GO. Let go of negative thoughts and replace them with something positive. Concentrate more on the good things you have, the good people, the people who care, the positive things in your life you can focus on. Spend time with prayer, meditation, music, whatever brings you joy. Your kids, grandkids, etc. Toxic people tend to be two-faced. They smile in your face and then talk about you. When you find out, you get angry and the toxin is back. Just let it go. Love from a distance.

Confide in people who want to listen because they care. Not because they cannot wait to share the juicy things you tried to confide about as soon as they hit their next house to complain, gripe and say, “Oh yeah, he/she said this or that? Can you believe it? we need to pray for them. Of course, prayer never comes into the picture but lot’s of gossip does. We all vent, and we all share our hurts, likes and desires but toxic people listen while they are storing it to use against you. REAL friendship is talking, if you believe in God actually praying about it even if you don’t do it that second.

That does not mean we cannot be human and express our feelings. Just avoid the negative people who when you are trying to do better always find a way to knock you back down after your struggle to get back up. I have been faulted for being loyal, saying that is not what Jesus did but yes, it is, he was loyal, honest, upfront and he did not back down. My mistake was letting people cause me to get angry or hurt and then getting them “back” . That comes from toxic areas. So, I think I will try and love from a distance with these kind of people, stay true to saying how I feel in my heart and being loyal even if it means I am not part of the “crowd”.