God, do you hear me? I think sometimes you do.

God, I often come to you in despair, sometimes in joy, sometimes to talk and sometimes to cry. I often wondered if you heard me and sometimes I still do. But I know that you are listening and I know you know what I need.

You gave me the ability to love art and photography and my family and people. Abused animals and children are what I hurt for the most. People say why do bad things happen? I don’t always know but I know that we have free will. When a person does something bad, you are blamed first.

Why? You gave us minds to think on our own and to choose our own paths. if a person kills, steals, rapes. abuses  or other horrific things, it was a choice they made. I sometimes question you and ask, “Are you listening? Don’t you hear my cry?” But yes, you do. I just don’t always have the patience to wait out the answer.

I am human and sometimes God, I get mad at how the answers turn out and I get hurt when I have asked and it doesn’t come to be. But then, I am human. And we know how that goes. So I just wanted to say that even when i am unsure, yes, I know you are listening and sometimes, when I stop long enough to give you a chance, I feel you there.

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Why many people are turning away from God these days. (Even if you are not a Christian, please read)

My brother in law posted an article yesterday about Christians and cursing and so on. It detailed how we often judge when our sins are just the same and it gave light to many things. But where it struck home with me was in how I act and am. My husband is a contractor but he is also a Pastor.

Now, being I am human of course, I am not the typical Pastor’s wife. I can be quick tempered, I am found guilty of holding a grudge and not realizing it, I can hurt back when I am hurt and so many other things I do that are NOT what the Bible say’s to do to show how we should live.

There are probably MORE non- Christians doing good in this day and time than there are Christians. I am not trying to convert anyone because that is not my decision for anyone to make but I am writing this because I realize after reading that article that I am so at fault in so many areas.

I am by nature, kind, forgiving, and always desiring to help others if I can.  I love, I have a compassion for animals and abused children but if I were not a person that believed in God, I would be much worse than I am. So, point being, fellow believers, the next time we look down on someone, judge someone, hate on someone or find we are holding back forgiveness when they hurt us, maybe it is time WE asked for forgiveness and learn to practice what we so quickly preach.

LOVE & KINDNESS: Showing an Example

There are times when we have to be an example of Christ through our actions.  That means so many things. We can do it through works, we can do it through love and we can do it by not letting our  anger cause us to sin. Sometimes that is hard.  But we have to hang in there and we have to do our best by God. People may turn against you but that is not your mission. Your mission is to follow God not people.

Because it is not always popular  be an example. Why? Because sometimes, the people we may be showing Gods love to are usually not accepted by society. Or maybe they are not pleasant, nice or whatever. That is why we are here. To show them the path of light. Then, they either follow or they don’t. You just do your part and plant the seed. God takes it from there.

Remember, Faith without works is dead. So, hang in there, stay in prayer, and do not be discouraged when others turn against you. Those following Christ will not turn against you. Those who do, need to be shown an example too.

LETTING GO OF TOXIC PEOPLE, TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS & NEGATIVE ANYTHING

I used to think people saying things like that were just weird. It is a part of life. Well, it is but I have found that it is also true. We have to let go of toxic people or relationships that cause us stress, worry or disturb our relationship with God. We can be honest, upfront and be ourselves but those kinds of people and relationships will use it against us because of many reasons. It might be jealousy, anger with their own lives, or maybe they just don’t care about us or we just don’t have a place in their lives.

LET THEM GO. Let go of negative thoughts and replace them with something positive. Concentrate more on the good things you have, the good people, the people who care, the positive things in your life you can focus on. Spend time with prayer, meditation, music, whatever brings you joy. Your kids, grandkids, etc. Toxic people tend to be two-faced. They smile in your face and then talk about you. When you find out, you get angry and the toxin is back. Just let it go. Love from a distance.

Confide in people who want to listen because they care. Not because they cannot wait to share the juicy things you tried to confide about as soon as they hit their next house to complain, gripe and say, “Oh yeah, he/she said this or that? Can you believe it? we need to pray for them. Of course, prayer never comes into the picture but lot’s of gossip does. We all vent, and we all share our hurts, likes and desires but toxic people listen while they are storing it to use against you. REAL friendship is talking, if you believe in God actually praying about it even if you don’t do it that second.

That does not mean we cannot be human and express our feelings. Just avoid the negative people who when you are trying to do better always find a way to knock you back down after your struggle to get back up. I have been faulted for being loyal, saying that is not what Jesus did but yes, it is, he was loyal, honest, upfront and he did not back down. My mistake was letting people cause me to get angry or hurt and then getting them “back” . That comes from toxic areas. So, I think I will try and love from a distance with these kind of people, stay true to saying how I feel in my heart and being loyal even if it means I am not part of the “crowd”.

UNDERSTANDIND PANIC AND ANXIETY

I just wanted to explain some of what goes on when dealing with panic and anxiety. I have been told, “Well, that is not how it really is. What you are feeling about situations are not true, be it family, the world, etc.” Well, when going through it, it is real to you. It may NOT be the actual reality but your mind is telling you it is.

I DO pray and I have been HELPED so much by that, I do listen to soothing music, I do try ALL of the things I come across to help. I do at times feel lonely, I do get scared, I do rely on God and the other forms of therapy that come along and I DO want to get better.

Having this issue makes me no less of a believer in God than someone who does not have it. It simply means I am having to start over again and regroup. It does not mean I am not aware of what others are going through or that I think I am worse off.

It simply means that my mind is telling me things and I am relying on the many ways to re train my brain. God gives us a powerful tool and it can be used by Satan to make us think we are weak but I can assure people with this issue are actually very strong. They just got caught off guard and BOOM it happened.

Be kind and supportive instead of thinking (As I have been told, that I do not have enough faith. I believe I do but maybe I am just having a harder time grasping what has been a situation I never encountered before).  I always held my own, tried to be there for others, and to help when needed.

I am human, not perfect. I am loving, loyal, and I stand behind those I love. Do not judge a situation until you have been there or you may find yourself there and then and only then can you fully understand.

Does that mean I want YOU to go through it? NO! It simply means that I would hope you can be the friend or help that the person needs at that time.

Another journey day on this road. God Bless. 🙂

The life of a Pastor’s Wife and the unrealistic expectations

So, I have read and studied and ask other Pastor’s wives how they do it and I was surprised to find that many are like me.  Okay, so I was NOT born to be the wife of a Pastor. By that I mean, I never knew God was going to put me in that role. I lived a pretty bold life in my teens and young adult years and I was not who you would expect to see nor would you have imagined my husband EVER becoming a Pastor. But God turned our lives around and here we are from Youth Leaders to he being a Pastor.

As I found from so many other Pastor’s wives, we are put on a level we have no place on nor do we desire to be there. YES, we will do anything we can to help. Yes, we serve God at home and church. Yes, we love our church but many told me to also be honest about who I am as a human. Yes, I am still a human.

So here goes. This is who I am as Pastor Dan’s wife:

I like to shoot guns. I went yesterday after 20 years. may have damaged my ear drums but I can still get center shot.

I like scary movies. Yep. I do. Never ones with demon content or possession but yes, I like some.

I get frustrated.

I am battling things that any human battles at times no matter how “Godly” you are. Has God failed me? NO! I just am not able to do anything but lean on his mercy to help me overcome.

I am brutally honest (working on that one).

I do not care if you know I falter because no one is perfect.

I am caring, loyal, loving and I always feel such compassion for abused children and animals.

I am me. I love people, I love our church, I love my husband and I of course love God.

BUT I am human, prone to mistakes and I pray daily for my failures. hat is who I am.