I do not know where it came from now almost four years ago but I fight it daily and I hate it. I love my life and I am happy but it is a happiness that is dependant on hoping and praying the depression or anxiety does not come. i fight it, I do yoga, I have tried so many things and I would have to say the depression is worse because it is harder to knock but the anxiety and panic are scary. I just wish they would visit a mountain for a while and let me get back to the me who was happy without fear or sadness.
I wish you could understand my world. But you cannot unless you live it. It is not a place you choose to be and they say many things can cause it but I can say that your love and trying to at least understand would mean more than all of the money in the world.
But you choose to see me as a weird person who is crazy or needs mental help because I go through this. Do not be so quick to judge. My panic only started three years ago. You could not understand it so you walked away from it. You chose to run from it like it might be contagious. It isn’t.
So, I have learned to deal with it on my own and some prayer. I have learned to accept that people will talk about me or judge me but I am the same as you. I just have an issue. Live my life and then maybe you can say i have no reason for panic. But I can promise if you ever have panic or anxiety, you will never think again like you do now.
But, I have a couple of people who are trying now to help and understand it. They are there even if they do not know what to do. They have held my hand and sat while I cried. But I am coming through the storm each day and learning that I am STILL the strong person I used to be just a little different in how I view people and life.
I walked alone for a while but there were foot prints in the sand I didn’t see.
Sometimes sleep eludes me and I cannot find my ability to just go to sleep.
I might be sad or mad or just in a moment where my mind is still racing with thoughts because I think. A LOT. I think about life and people and love and loss.
I think about why or who or where or what might or might not be. Sometimes I just cannot sleep because I am excited or God only knows why it might be but tonight I talked to an owl. Crazy, yes? Probably but it was out there as it is every night making its hoot so I tried to mimic it just to see what would happen. It answered back.
It understood my voice but I have no clue what it was saying. I think sometimes life is like me and the owl. We hear but we cannot understand what others are saying. We mimic the lives of others and yet we do not even understand why they live like they do.
Tonight I talked to an owl and the owl talked to me but I will never understand what he was trying to say. Maybe we should learn from the owl. My thought for the day. lol
Teardrops of rain caused by the deception of those you love.
A flood of pain happens when you trust and then get crushed by the ones you thought cared.
Deception and a rain of tears caused by pain of being hurt.
Random quote: I am proud of who I am and what I have become. The sweat and tears it took to get there and the love I found along the way.
We search all of our lives for the impossible dream.
Only to find it was there all along.
It wasn’t money, it wasn’t fame, it wasn’t popularity.
It is a smile from someone who cares,
the soft blow of a breeze or the love of a child,
the sound of ocean waves as they roll onto the white clean sand,
The song of a bird,
or just the joy of being loved.
I write these blogs to encourage, to help people who suffer from issues I do, to bring hope to some who feel alone and to share stories and talk to fellow bloggers. I write a variety of things from quotes, thoughts on life, issues with panic and anxiety, stories, poems and more. I also share my photography and artwork that i do as part of my headline.
I hope it does help some and encourage. I hope others enjoy the poems, stories and thoughts. I also hope the art and photography brings a smile to some people. So, that is why I blog and I try to read as much as i can from my fellow bloggers, like and share some of the the things I like and although i may not always reply, I am reading. 🙂 Have a great day!
I laugh, I love, I hope, I try, I hurt, I need, I feel and I cry.
I know you feel the same things too,
So we are not really that different- me and you.