Copyright 1016 L.S. Rockel
It is called life. A journey through the unknown. From the time we are born we stumble through,
Searching. Finding. Hoping. Dreaming.
Accomplishing. Failing. Laughing. Crying.
Getting back up and trying again. Living.
Fearing. Loving. Hating. Forgiving. Not forgiving.
Through it to get old when we still feel young inside and realizing what a journey we go or have been through.
The journey of Life.
Copyright 2015 L.S. Rockel
Such a fine line between the two. What defines the difference?
Insanity is an escape from reality, a journey that most never tread.
So does Love.
Love is harsh, yet it comforts, give hope even if at times it causes delusions of not seeing thing as they really are.
So does Insanity.
Insanity keeps you from accepting certain truths and can drive you to the brink.
So does Love.
Love demands, it gives, it takes and it waits for redemption.
So does Insanity.
Most never cross the line that somewhere defines the two.
For the ones who do, they will probably never know the difference.
We, so many of us, search for the impossible dream.
Only to find it was there all along.
It wasn’t money, it wasn’t fame, it wasn’t popularity or being the best.
It is a smile from someone who cares
The soft flow of a brezze
The kiss and hug from a child
The sound of ocean waves as they roll onto the beach
Birds singing a song
A beautiful world filled with flowers and mountains and so much The joy of being loved.
It is there. We just have to look and the search stops.
Two things that can bring you to your knees.
The Power of God.
The death of your child.
The path of life is filled with many roads.
The one you choose,
Will determine how green your grass is.
Family isn’t always a biological thing.
It is who has your back
As opposed to who is tabbing you in it.
Time does not heal all wounds.
It only heals the ability to deal with it.
The Book of Understanding. Kindle. L.S. Rockel
I know you left us so many years ago and we never got to say goodbye. I never got to see you again after that day because the wreck was so bad and the car blew up. But I want you to know that I think of you everyday. I will never forget your laughter or that beautiful smile.
I will never forget how hard you fought to make bullies your friend but you were a bit different. A little bit of Autism can do that. I know how you got through each day and it was hard when you were young but as you got older you decided to fight back with kindness. That must have been so hard when it was years before you could relate to others like other kids did.
But you got better and you got stronger and you laughed and you made our family laugh and you didn’t care what anybody thought about you because you accepted yourself for you. That made me so proud. I miss all of that and our talks on the porch and the way you had of making things better.
But just so you know, I STILL think of you everyday. I will love you. Always. Love, mom. Sara Nicolle “Nikki”. 1984-2007.
Where did you go when you left me that day?
Did you go up to Heaven, did you go there to stay?
Do you come see me sometimes and watch what I do?
Are you proud of your mother and does it please you?
Do you cry when I get angry, hold me softly when I’m sad,
Are you really even there or do I just think that if I’m sad?
Do you have a new life there, do you live all your dreams?
Do you look down upon us and laugh at our schemes?
Are you happier now that you don’t need to grow old?
Do you see all the beauty God say’s we’ll behold?
I guess I’m a dreamer when I think you are here,
Saying, “It’s all good mom, be happy with cheer.
I still think of you every day more than you know,
or maybe you do know and I just have to let go.
Go I can do, let go I cannot,
The hole in my heart is left from the spot,
That you took with you then, when you left me that day.
I can learn to go on but you will never go away.
I love you Nik. Always. Love, Mom
“You learn to go on but you never learn to get “over” it.
I wish you could understand my world. But you cannot unless you live it. It is not a place you choose to be and they say many things can cause it but I can say that your love and trying to at least understand would mean more than all of the money in the world.
But you choose to see me as a weird person who is crazy or needs mental help because I go through this. Do not be so quick to judge. My panic only started three years ago. You could not understand it so you walked away from it. You chose to run from it like it might be contagious. It isn’t.
So, I have learned to deal with it on my own and some prayer. I have learned to accept that people will talk about me or judge me but I am the same as you. I just have an issue. Live my life and then maybe you can say i have no reason for panic. But I can promise if you ever have panic or anxiety, you will never think again like you do now.
But, I have a couple of people who are trying now to help and understand it. They are there even if they do not know what to do. They have held my hand and sat while I cried. But I am coming through the storm each day and learning that I am STILL the strong person I used to be just a little different in how I view people and life.
I walked alone for a while but there were foot prints in the sand I didn’t see.