I have no idea why but EVERY full moon and the night before I just cannot get to sleep. I do not even know if this is normal but I know it is agitating! I just wonder if anyone else has this issue? Not a long post but I am just curious because it is so weird!
Well I am not sure if it is all of the praying, yoga, tai-chi, meditation or lack of people. Maybe all of the above but my empath ability is on low gear. I think probably not being around people because the others are for my Anxiety and Panic. But, either way, I am like on a no feel zone with others in ways to gauge what they are feeling. However, it sure has helped me in the anxiety department. Oh well, just thought I would share that!
I just could NOT sleep. My brain was in over drive and I could not stop focusing on everything going on and then why we cannot all unite. Then my mind was on what I needed to clean. That was an hour or so. Then I was thinking about who was mad, why they were mad and how to resolve any conflicts so we could all function as a Tribe. (people I know). lol. Then I was worried about whether someone might think about the flowers I planted. They look a bit chaotic. And of course, then I would re-think some more on the dumbest stuff. Needless to say, I scored four hours. Only because I passed out. lol. Have a great day/night fellow bloggers.
I am trying hard to battle this and I have not had a panic attack, an actual panic attack in two years. So much is going on that I Am not sure if it was the stress of worrying, quarantine for so long, or just life in general but it went away after ice compression and breathing. Almost had another this morning. For those of us who live it, it is so hard to do so good and then, BOOM, out of nowhere it comes. It is just mind over all of it and I know that but on top of it I am dealing with people who just do not care and it is just hard. I have some family support (so blessed) but like the loss of a child, you have to live it to understand it and they are trying hard. Hugs and/ or prayers to all of us who have it. Have a great day/evening fellow bloggers!
I am slowly training my brain to try and take my mind back. By that, I mean trying to overpower the Anxiety and Panic I get and put my brain where it was 5 years ago before I got this condition that I am understanding more and more each day. So, I am believing and I am working hard on telling myself that fear does not have to rule me. Fear does not have to run my life. I was of a strong mind before and I can be again! I will not lie, it IS a battle but I think , no, I know that if I can learn to take control of my brain back, I can overcome this. Have a wonderful day/night where ever you are.
I call them the great pretenders because they are so nice to me but I know that when I turn my back, most of them are the first jab a knife in there while they run around telling their “peeps” everything mistake I could possibly make and if there isn’t one, trust me, they can find SOMETHING. It is hard when the people you care about do not care back. For whatever reason, I get chosen as the scapegoat for all of the things that are wrong. So, I am learning to let it go (very hard) and just pretend I do not know and I just stay and play nice. Honesty is not allowed. Only if they need me for something am I wonderful again. But I am also learning to love myself and if that is how they choose to be then at least they do not suck my emotional heart out anymore. Sometimes, just turning around and emotionally walking away is more healing than trying to gain someone’s love.
Do you feel things that others do not? Do you feel others joy and pain on a deep level? Can you “read” when people are lying and find out later you are right? Do you have the awareness of tuning in when people are being fake and you can discern a fake person right when or not long after meeting them? Do you often find yourself knowing a person is on the prowl? There are so many different areas of this that it would take 50 more blogs to fill it all in. But just wanted to see how many others are like me. 🙂 Hugs!
It is hard to write and for some hard to read. But panic and anxiety is so hard. Waking up from a sleep and feeling so weird because you are suddenly feeling that “warmth” that usually means an attack is coming. Wanting to get out bed to get, for me in helping, a cold bottled water but not able from fear of what if it is something else? Not wanting to wake your other, if you have one but it is embarrassing to ask for their help. Going to bed early just to be awake but play an online game or anything to get your mind off of it. The feeling that I have lost the freedom not to be scared it could come on fast and sometimes for no reason.
It is the fear of wondering if something else is wrong so I try the “difference” method. If I can slow it sown it is panic or anxiety. If I cannot, I need to seek help. It is a continuous mind game with my brain. I am trying really hard and the isolation doesn’t really help. But I just felt the need to write this today in case someone else out there is feeling this. You are NOT alone.
There is probably nothing is my house that has not been cleaned, Clorox wiped, (except me) re-arranged, decluttered, planted, washed or otherwise been done. So now I think I will go to my neighbors and offer to do any outside weeding, cleaning you know, whatever. But I can’t really because they have been as busy as me. On the up of the uppest side, with Yoga, work, exercise, Prayer, meditation, Yai Chi, watching what I eat I can NOW outrung the neighborhood Chihuahua, Lucifer. You knw, the one who terrorizes us and chases anything that moves including tiny pebbles blown by the wind. Even the leaves try to fall away from his direction. NOW though I can outrun the little 3 to 4 pound beast when he breaks off of his leash as he often does. Things may not be normal right now but I am having a good time with that little dog. He is quite ill with me right now actually. hahahahahaha. Hugs to all!
I just pray and wish this Virus could go away. I wish we could all learn from this and I hope we do. I wish that we all learn more about helping the lonely who are always isolated because they have no one, for those who are living with anxious minds I wish that we could all learn how to understand how hard that is. I know. I live it. I wish that somehow, we will all unite together and learn what love is again. I wish upon a star that we, from now on, will enjoy the fresh air, the beauty of the oceans, the joy of laughter and that we can all learn from this Virus how very blessed we have really been.