PANIC & The chaos that surrounds it.

I wish you could understand my world. But you cannot unless you live it. It is not a place you choose to be and they say many things can cause it but I can say that your love and trying to at least understand would mean more than all of the money in the world.
But you choose to see me as a weird person who is crazy or needs mental help because I go through this. Do not be so quick to judge. My panic only started three years ago. You could not understand it so you walked away from it. You chose to run from it like it might be contagious. It isn’t.
So, I have learned to deal with it on my own and some prayer. I have learned to accept that people will talk about me or judge me but I am the same as you. I just have an issue. Live my life and then maybe you can say i have no reason for panic. But I can promise if you ever have panic or anxiety, you will never think again like you do now.
But, I have a couple of people who are trying now to help and understand it. They are there even if they do not know what to do. They have held my hand and sat while I cried. But I am coming through the storm each day and learning that I am STILL the strong person I used to be just a little different in how I view people and life.
I walked alone for a while but there were foot prints in the sand I didn’t see.

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The Power of Love and why it can humble you

Yesterday I was humbled by love. I made a Birthday cake for my sister. I hated it but my brother in law had so desperately wanted to get that cake made in time. But work, passing schedules and everything seemed it was not to be. I had the cake mix and items that had been purchased on my table so i decided to try and do it for him so my sis could have her cake.

I made it and I fussed at it and hated it because I couldn’t get the writing to come out of the tube right and I usually use my baggie and icing. Besides, I thought, “WHY is she going to care about this dumb stupid cake with so much going on?” I had given her her present and I figured she would probably just fling it out the window anyway when she had it was so horribly made. I was ill because i can make some pretty cakes but I just didn’t have the stuff needed yesterday.

She came by later and I ran out to the car to give her this thing of a cake and braced myself for the look of a pretend smile and trying not to hurt my feelings when she saw the hideous thing before her. She didn’t. She cried and thought it the most beautiful cake ever! She cried that my bro in law had wanted her to have it so bad and it got made. ON her Birthday.

I realized then that sometimes what we think is a horrible gift or something someone may not even want actually may be the one thing that “at that moment” is just what they need. I realized that all my fussing was worth every minute to realize how much a brown cake meant to my sister. And now I know why we, as humans, need each other. LOVE. A simple act of trying to show kindness can be just what the doctor ordered at that time.

So, next time you are looking for the “perfect gift”. it may come in the form of a brown cake, a hug, sharing tears, being there, or just saying I love you. Maybe it could be an act of showing up to help someone in whatever area of need they may have. No matter how small. Yesterday I felt humble. Thank you God for helping to remember how that feels.

The Magic mirror of the Soul

As in all of life, we often see in the mirror of our soul, this awesome person. Doing everything great, being great and if we falter or someone gets mad it is their fault, not ours. We do all we can to be good, teat them right and try to be kind.

The problem is, that as humans, we often cannot see past our own faults because the magical mirror tells us that is never us but them. However, the reality is, that it is usually not what we think.

One, it takes two to create a problem. If there is no one arguing back, then you are arguing with yourself. When you think you are doing great in how you treat others but think it is always them or that they cannot “see” where they are wrong, then it is possible that you may be missing a look in that magical mirror that deceives you.

The gang mentality. When you form a group, whether you meant to or not, and usually you don’t even realize it, you may already have a problem. It is easy to be in a group where you all discuss the “issues” of that one person and how screwed up they are. However, maybe your “gang” should say a real prayer to help them. Then, privately, look in that magical mirror of the soul to see who you are and do a double check.

Especially if the person you are finding is suddenly so “screwed” up, is the same person who has always been there, been kind, shown love, admitted their failures and has no problem being honest with their feelings.

Either they have gone through something or maybe taken a hit in life and it has caused them such distress that it has changed how they react. So, take a look in that magical mirror the next time you get ready to flake out on someone who may just need your hand, your love, or your prayer.