So, my daughter is having her second child and what a walk in the park. I feel empowered because now SHE needs me. hahahaha. My sweet precious daughter wants me to keep said baby coming at least one day a week after she goes back to work. I am elated, no mistake about it but wow what a change. Now it is I could never trust anyone but you and I do not want her in daycare (understood, neither do I) but if you read about the first grandchild you can see why I find it a bit amusing. With the first, you would have thought I had not given birth to my OWN child. hahahahaha. Anyway, of course I said I would but I am just a bit amused at the change and the difference of how now I am suddenly the best thing to ever happen to a body. All joking aside, I am glad she has realized I am capable of holding and keeping a baby and I am happy she realizes she trusted me all along but child number one was just like all of us first time moms. Just wanted to share a bit of when your kids have kids humor.
The sweet singing of birds, Children laughing, people smiling.
Butterflies dancing on the flowers, Bees flitting about.
A card or note sent to say I love you, a hug when needed.
ladybugs with their beautiful colors and flowers that color our world.
A baby that smiles for the first time, your child say’s their first word.
Your significant other brings you flowers, you give them the gift they have been wanting and you both smile.
The sound of falling rain, the shaking of thunder.
The world is full of so many beautiful things. We just have to look and take in a breath.
I do not talk about you much at all. My little 1 pound 15 ounce baby boy Paul Ryan. It is not because I am ashamed but because the pain is so great of never knowing who you might have become. You lived two days before a vessel in your brain bled out. You were beautiful. And my only son that I know of.
After you, I had your sister Nikki and she was 3 pounds and 14 ounces and she lived to be 23 when she was taken from us in a car accident and that was another time my heart was torn. Then I kept trying and I had many two month pregnancies before your baby brother or sister ( I never knew) just didn’t make it. Time to dream but not enough time to know. Finally, I had your youngest sister, Amber and she is fine and has a little one of her own now.
But, you and Nikki and your unknown siblings are in Heaven. It hurts when I think of her and when I think of you. I guess it hurts more with you and Nikki because I saw you, I touched you, I kissed your faces. That doesn’t mean those I never met didn’t hurt though. I am so blessed to have one of you left here with me and I have so much joy from that and my little grand child of love.
I wish I could have watched you grow, play, laugh and see what it was like for a son of mine to become a man. But, I hold your little face in my heart and I love you all. I just sometimes wonder what my little boy would be like today. I love you Paul Ryan.