You are in the happy zone, feeling good, carefree and nothing can bother you.
You are hungry but you don’t know it. if you have kids so are they but you don’t see it.
You feel like the world is so beautiful and wow it is so stress free.
You have rent or a mortgage due, the power is going to be shut off the water was yesterday. But you don’t care. It is not a big deal. you will figure it out.
you drink, you party and you toke and you smoke maybe you shoot or maybe you snort but it is so worth not having to worry about anything.
your friends and family are watching and pleading and begging but you know it is just because they hate you for wanting to feel good.
Finally, you come down for a bit. What happened? why are you being evicted? where are your kids? why is there no heat or air? what day is it? when did you last eat? Something is very wrong here but you cannot figure out why.
It was those beautiful drugs you are addicted to. While you fed your addiction, they stole your life.
We wish you knew how hard it is from our side. Watching as drugs and the abuse you go through with him because you must think you don’t deserve better. You do. But we have told you that so many times. Your life was so good but some things happened that made your mind think you were not worthy. You had it all but then the spiral began. slowly at first but then it just kept spiraling and here we are.
You want us to rescue you when your mind is clear but then you don’t want help at the same time. You are in the only comfortable you know. To you it is something stable and that confuses us. you are not alone. you have family and friends who love you. we don’t understand and we try to. we really do. Some very brief times you tell us a little bit but then you go back. I hate drugs and I hate abuse but we love you. we wish we could be your rescue but we can only watch the fall. That is the hardest part of this stupid ride.
He came with his handsome exterior and his charming ways
Hiding his demons and his needles and his little book of tricks.
Then he gave you his wares, bit by bit until he had you hooked.
Then you slowly changed. Your smile changed & your eyes lost their light.
You became angry and defensive and then at times you were laughing as
he laughed and smiled and told you it was fine. He brought you the needles and
drugs and drink to pull you in.
he disguised them all as a beautiful bouquet of love.
But what you could not see even though we warned you and begged you
was the horrible truth until it was too late.
You could never see the Demon behind the mask.
They take your heart, your life and suck your very soul.
They turn your heart into a one way street where you search for only them.
They take away your family, friends and sometimes…
They steal your joy, your mind and your happiness
replacing it with fog and hurt and pain.
They haunt you, they hurt you, they deceive you and
you don’t even know it.
They are your worst enemy
but you love them more than anything else.
The Demons Within.
I just take a breath and say a prayer of thanks for surviving the knocks coming my way, for the ability to fight and keep trying. I look at the beautiful sky, the birds sweetly chirping and the sound of beautiful music. I think of all I can do and that I have an escape when fear tries to over take me. And I battle the people or things that try to destroy me. Sometimes, yeah, I cry because I know in some cases, I cannot save them or stop them from doing what they do to me. I am blessed that I can do it. That I can keep standing and trying. I know in life we have battles. But today, at least one day, each at a time I can take a breath. And I smile.
Living with or having a family member who is addicted is really hard. If you have someone you love dating an addict, that is hard as well. It is a hard and long road. It is such a drain in so many ways because you love them but you cannot stop them. You might find yourself enabling them because you are desperate. or you might be trying to get your loved one away from an addict before they turn out just the same. It is too draining when you watch, worry or living with someone and search everywhere to see if there was a stash.
This is just the beginning of a nightmare that never ends until the loved one is dead or finally quits through the grace of God. It takes the lives of the ones loving the addict because the addict can only think of their drugs but the friends and most of all family worry, cry, panic, drive themselves insane and just spend their lives filled with anxiety and there are many who cannot afford the expensive rehabs. It is a sad story for the addict and the ones who love them.
Vapes that are addicting teens now, drugs, alcohol, even cigarettes which I am trying really hard to quit. I used to be a “recreational” smoker, quitting during peak times when I was active repelling, hiking, climbing and etc. The slowly, cigarettes crept in and now I am trying to quit. I do not smoke in my car, or in my house or when I have coffee and I never have but I just do not like them anymore so I am trying. I have people I know that I am sadly watching.
They battle alcohol as it destroys their lives, drugs which change them and take over their life and become their God. Teens I see vaping young kids, 13, 14, 15 but I cannot stop them because they are not people I even know or the ones that are well, I have told their parents. It is just sad how addiction to anything can take your life and destroy it. Physically or emotionally or all.
I hate addiction and the ruin it brings.