PANIC & The chaos that surrounds it.

I wish you could understand my world. But you cannot unless you live it. It is not a place you choose to be and they say many things can cause it but I can say that your love and trying to at least understand would mean more than all of the money in the world.
But you choose to see me as a weird person who is crazy or needs mental help because I go through this. Do not be so quick to judge. My panic only started three years ago. You could not understand it so you walked away from it. You chose to run from it like it might be contagious. It isn’t.
So, I have learned to deal with it on my own and some prayer. I have learned to accept that people will talk about me or judge me but I am the same as you. I just have an issue. Live my life and then maybe you can say i have no reason for panic. But I can promise if you ever have panic or anxiety, you will never think again like you do now.
But, I have a couple of people who are trying now to help and understand it. They are there even if they do not know what to do. They have held my hand and sat while I cried. But I am coming through the storm each day and learning that I am STILL the strong person I used to be just a little different in how I view people and life.
I walked alone for a while but there were foot prints in the sand I didn’t see.

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ADDICTION- The Silent Destroyer

Most of us have one. An addiction to something and that in itself is okay I guess. But there are other addictions that are stronger, more dangerous and they destroy. So, I will focus on the top ones I think are the most destructive and cause the most damage. Listed as follows: Pornography and drugs. There are many many more but these two seem to me to destroy the most lives of everyone around them.

Let’s start with pornography. People who watch it think it, “Hey, it is up to me, or in some cases, me and  my partner” but that is not really the case, in my opinion. First, it degrades the women AND men in the films. It gives a view of an unrealistic way of how sex should be. It leads some people to the lowest form which is child pornography. As for the adult pornography, eventually, it comes to a point where it is almost not even real sex. It is just people doing a ritual with one after another after another for hours on end.

Pornography destroys lives, marriages, families, children and it is a debased way of thinking. Sex is meant to be a beautiful union between two people. I know many will disagree with me but this is, just my opinion. How can any woman compete with a woman on a movie who usually looks like she is in top form, can do anything and I mean anything and a man who, well most men would envy I suppose.

I am not a person who has been around the block but I have watched it to see what the big deal was and I see men who are unusually um, well endowed i guess i should say and women who look like they have never lived out side of a gym. Perfect bodies and well, you get the point. The problem? Most men are average, most women are flawed in some area so the expectations will never be met. The most destruction though comes from the fact that it destroys so many people and to me that is sad. For whatever reason, it does something to the mind and normal isn’t normal anymore.

Drugs. Wow, this one could go on and on. Alcoholics are to me a part of this group.  Once a person becomes addicted to drugs, that becomes their God. They will do anything, say anything and go to any lengths to get what they need.  There is no path they wont cross, no heart they won’t break, no thing or person who will stop them and no lie they won’t tell. It isn’t personal. It is addiction. Parents, spouses,  children, friends, family. It isn’t about trying to hurt them but about an addiction that has taken over their lives. Whether it is prescription, illegal, or a combination of both the destruction goes in so many ways.

Loss of families, homes, jobs, feelings, lack of empathy, lack of clear or good thinking, loss of morals, making them also do things they would have never done before. So, we are at war and until or if we ever win this war, i think addictions like these are the saddest thing to ever hit our world.

It is beautiful and yet ugly. Life

Life can be so beautiful and yet so ugly.

Love, happiness, babies. marriage, friendship, family,adoption, playing, running, adventures, prayers, reading, painting, writing, flowers, trees, the four seasons, the pureness of snow, the laughter of a child.

Bills, stress, death of a child, burdens, anxiety, hatred, racism, divorce, affairs, riots, abuse of children and women, burning our flag, killing, using people, destroying.

Something so beautiful and yet so ugly

Why I love Dogs and Children

I love them both because their love is unconditional, they are resilient, they love back, they are there no matter how many times you think you are devoting time with them when really you are just trying to keep them occupied so you can get something done. And the sad thing is, some are abused and yet they still love you. Those my heart cries for.

They are funny, happy to see you, willing to forgive, loyal and they are sweet souls. I know in our generation and the teens in this day, though not all by any means but quite a few are now selfish,spoiled all about themselves and not very nice with almost no respect.

BUT there are still plenty like the above I mentioned. Dogs and the children who are still not spoiled brats ,  on the other hand, never change toward their masters or parents, unless they get rabies but still you get my point. No matter what you do to them, no matter how little time you have for them they always are there for you.

That is why I love dogs and children. Actually, I love all of the animal, mammal, bird etc. kingdom but dogs are in a different zone.

Today is Today

I am just thinking and over thinking which I am so great at. lol. But realizing each day is what you deal with and worry about that day only. However, I am trying to cleanse my brain of all toxic thoughts, people and actions and keep it clean and clear.

I am trying to focus on things that are important and not things people might do, whether they realize it or not that will keep me thinking clearly and firmly in the positive. Of course there are negatives in life but I can still focus on what is the important and the real.

I am trying to keep any toxic people out of my life and out of my head. For those who suffer anxiety or panic, this is a must for us! We have to not re- think everything we say or do or that others say or do to us. it is what it is and people are who they are. Period.

We cannot change them but we can delete them from our lives in the way of letting them know we are no longer going to listen to negative thoughts about us or how we live. We have to go on and realize it is not our fault if someone tried to play on our weakness. It is only our fault if we let them.

So let’s be strong fellow sufferers and try to wipe all of that out and strengthen our hearts, minds and souls so we can recover in our own ways and enjoy life as it is. Have a GREAT day and stand STRONG!

Toxic People

Sometimes we have to overcome our desire to hang onto toxic people.

They come in all ways, passive aggressive, two faced, self righteous

or they just want you when the going is good.

They are mean when you don’t deliver, come when you have something to offer but never show up when you don’t/

They will try and break you in any way they can to make themselves feel better.

All in all. we have to let go of them to keep our minds healthy.

We can still talk to them or be around them

but we no accept the toxic abuse.

We let go. We live. We become better and happier people.

They continue being toxic.

But that is not an issue we can cure for them.

However, by making it known we will not be a rag doll for them to throw around,

we cleanse ourselves.

Anger vs. Love and Forgiveness

Ever get really angry at someone and just feel hatred toward someone who did you wrong? Maybe they talked bad about you, lied about you, cursed you or stole away your love. Maybe they betrayed you in one of a possible hundred ways.

Anger and hate are such pleasant retaliations against someone who has wronged you .The worst are the passive/ aggressive ones who are nice to you but in that way that you know they are truly pissed inside and only YOU & THEM know what they are doing. You could never prove it because they are just too smooth at what they do.

It is such sweet revenge to “get” back at your enemies or betrayers. Knowing how much you freak them out when you post it all over social media. Snapchat, your blog, instagram, face book, or etc. In this day and time the possibilities are endless. Then when you know you “got” em and it hit the mark.

Pretty soon, you are not speaking, and anytime either of you get you are telling others and on the phone and going back and forth on that “social media” for the world to see. How pathetic they are those scumbags. Seldom is revenge NOT sweet. It is the long term effects you don’t know are are coming.

Before you know it, another person, and another , and another has done you wrong. I mean, can you believe it? What is WRONG with these people? After a while it becomes a daily ritual to see who you can get back at or who you can exact your revenge upon.

Now comes the hard part. Love and Forgiveness. Love and forgiving are not that easy sometimes. Love is letting your heart open up to accept people for whom and what they are. Flawed. We all are. Love is knowing sometimes, you will NEVER get a return or investment back no matter how hard you try.

Love means that nio matter what, you refuse to hate that person regardless of what they do. However, love does not mean you have to be stepped on,  or abused. It simply means we can love them but walk away or take a step back and let go.

Forgiveness is the hardest sometimes especially if you know in your heart you are the one who did someone wrong or they were the one who broke your heart. Then it is a battle to find a way to reach deep inside your soul, let go of what happened and forgive. It is especially hard when you know that same person will say they forgive and they are going to go behind your back and do it again.

BUT, that is the true ART of forgiveness. You forgive when you truly let go, forgive and realize YOU will will NEVER change that person. You only have to change YOU. Letting go of the poison they have put into your life enables you to go on and do better things so you can enjoy the beauty of this world God gave us to enjoy. That is when you trally begin to live.