I feel as though I am trapped in a Fortress
Entangled by your rage, unable to escape.
The walls that surround me are your hatred
And the thorns at the top are each time
your bitter words have pierced my heart.
No flowers can ever grow here
Only weeds of destruction that are trying to choke
the last of what strength I have held on to survive.
Inside of me, where happiness tries to hang on
Your vines of anger wrap themselves and squeeze it out.
I hope to break free of this prison and learn how to smile again.
I want to wake each day without your dark shadow.
hanging over me to and to laugh without feeling the punishment
of your revenge.
I know, if I can walk away, one day I will be whole again.
Then I will discover that while you are still a choking weed
I will have become a beautiful blossoming rose.
We wish you knew how hard it is from our side. Watching as drugs and the abuse you go through with him because you must think you don’t deserve better. You do. But we have told you that so many times. Your life was so good but some things happened that made your mind think you were not worthy. You had it all but then the spiral began. slowly at first but then it just kept spiraling and here we are.
You want us to rescue you when your mind is clear but then you don’t want help at the same time. You are in the only comfortable you know. To you it is something stable and that confuses us. you are not alone. you have family and friends who love you. we don’t understand and we try to. we really do. Some very brief times you tell us a little bit but then you go back. I hate drugs and I hate abuse but we love you. we wish we could be your rescue but we can only watch the fall. That is the hardest part of this stupid ride.
He came with his handsome exterior and his charming ways
Hiding his demons and his needles and his little book of tricks.
Then he gave you his wares, bit by bit until he had you hooked.
Then you slowly changed. Your smile changed & your eyes lost their light.
You became angry and defensive and then at times you were laughing as
he laughed and smiled and told you it was fine. He brought you the needles and
drugs and drink to pull you in.
he disguised them all as a beautiful bouquet of love.
But what you could not see even though we warned you and begged you
was the horrible truth until it was too late.
You could never see the Demon behind the mask.
Did you think I don’t see the pain behind the smile?
Did you ever think you have us fooled from the bruises you hide?
Or that we wouldn’t see how the emotional abuse was taking
that spark from your eyes?
How long will you suffer from the hands of abuse?
How long will you ignore our pleas to rescue you?
You are so beautiful. Inside as well as out.
You deserve so much more than what you believe you deserve.
It is not love. It is control.
It is not what I wanted for you.
I wanted to see the shine in your eyes keep glowing
not smothered by the abuse of someone’s hatred.
So, I hope you will find your way back.
I hope you can someday see what I have always known. You are beautiful. But the abuse you live is so ugly.
One day. I hold onto to that. One day.
You will see. I love you.
I just take a breath and say a prayer of thanks for surviving the knocks coming my way, for the ability to fight and keep trying. I look at the beautiful sky, the birds sweetly chirping and the sound of beautiful music. I think of all I can do and that I have an escape when fear tries to over take me. And I battle the people or things that try to destroy me. Sometimes, yeah, I cry because I know in some cases, I cannot save them or stop them from doing what they do to me. I am blessed that I can do it. That I can keep standing and trying. I know in life we have battles. But today, at least one day, each at a time I can take a breath. And I smile.
I feel as though I am trapped in a fortress
Trapped by your rage, unable to escape.
The walls that surround me are your hatred
And the thorns at the top are each time your bitter words
Have pierced my heart.
No flowers grow here, only weeds of destruction
Waiting to choke the last of my strength.
Inside of me, where happiness strives to live
Your vines of anger entangle my heart
Trying to destroy any joy or contentment.
I hope to break free of this prison
And smile once again.
I want to wake each day without your dark shadow hanging over me
And to laugh without feeling the punishment of your revenge.
I know one day I will become whole again.
When I do, I will become a blossoming, beautiful rose
And you will be a choking weed, dying until you find more sunlight to destroy.
with the epidemic of this problem I wanted to write something as I have had a couple of family who had to overcome that battle.
Dear Loved one,
I try to help you in your struggle but I know that your first love right now is your drug.
So much that you never noticed when I put a flower in the vase on your desk.
you forgot your son’s game was today because you may have been out “searching”.
You were not hungry even though I made your favorite meal.
You were too “sick” to go to our family Holiday get together so the kids and I went, with another excuse for why you weren’t there.
We watch you and the kids know. They are not stupid. You still work but come home late. You avoid us or you become so nice out of guilt that it isn’t real when you do nice things. You seem normal at times and then at other times you are so far out there, that I guess you think I don’t see the glassy eyes or the runny nose.
We deal with all of it because we love you and we have tried everything to help so now we have to help ourselves until you decide to get the help to stop. But the worst part is the loneliness. The living with someone you love that you used to know , the same person on the outside and at times, the good ones, the “old” you. But seeing the “other” you is what hurts so bad. So close and yet so far.
We love you and we wish you would come “home”. you live here but we wish your mind , drug free could come back with you.