IMGOSH! I am so over the top right now. lol. Like I have a good bit of time to observe and the Empath in me is going nuts. My senses are more alert than ever and I am for sure able to discern really well right now. BUT, on the UP side I have Salty dog (formerly Lucifer) from across the street to keep me entertained, I play a lot of brain games to keep my mind occupied, I write and I do Yoga even when it makes me cry. Yes. Yoga can make me cry because it is the BEST anxiety/ stress reliever BUT it is also hard. But then when I do rarely get out and see others I know my Empath wire starts up. Then, I get more anxious with all the stuff rolling in my mind so back home to Yoga and Meditation! Goodness, I am a multi-freakout. hahahahahaha.
I know. I just wrote about it. But I get writer’s block from so much time inside and I think of things I want to write about and then come here and bam. Blank. I cannot get the words. I am a bit agitated as well. plus all the Political things I try to avoid if I can so there is that. So I am back to using the Yoga to help me stay as calm as I can, the Meditation to help me to try and relax so I can write and lots of Prayer just to get me through. On top of that, my Empath/ Discernment is at an all time high. THAT does not help but I have tons of time to think and observe things socially online soooo… lol… Yes, I am just a tons of laughs! lol.
I know Covid-19 is real. Too many members of my family have gotten it. Or they say it is Covid-19. Then you see the news and do not know whom to believe because almost all, if not all of them lie. But they say before was not actually Covid-19 causes many things but Doctors were getting paid to say. Whatever, something came here. NOW, we have new variant strains coming in so once again, mask, social distance, no crowds (sucks for those of us with big families.) But I have been isolating and being very careful since last May while I waiting the arrival of my daughters baby and had to quarantine if I wanted to see her. So rarely since have I gone anywhere other than occasional trips to family, twice to a Restaurant and shopping comes here. Or husband gets it for us. I wish this would go away so we could get out and enjoy life outside the home again.
Until you have lost a child, do not presume to understand the ways of someone who has.
Until you have lost a job and cannot find one, do not assume things about someone going through it.
Until you have been divorced, do not look down on people who have or think they are failures. Sometimes things just happen.
Until you have been knocked down over and over, do not think a person is weak who suffers from anxious thoughts or feelings. you might find yourself there one day.
Until you have lived in another’s heart, mind and soul, do not think you are above them because you do better. We all have issues, we all have secrets, we all have problems and we all are equal. In every single way. So, until you are perfect, do not condemn those who are not. Most of us don’t but sometimes people do not realize how critical they are of others. Let’s all try and be compassionate or at least agree to disagree.
WHY? I sometimes ask myself that question. Often, actually. Why I chose to continue to listen to things said to me as a child. I would never be good enough, I was ugly, I caused problems, I was the reason people did bad things and on and on. I was just a kid. But as I was growing up, those thoughts that were seeded started to grow. On the outside, I seemed to be strong and confidant. On the inside I was a disaster waiting to happen.
And one day, it did happen. all of that negativity set in after the death of my second child. Walls inside started to crumble. A strong mind started to shift. I quit being honest. I just kind of fell apart. I caved in to all the thoughts and the toxic talk. My brain accepted it and I fell. Anxiety set in, doubts, fears and so much.
Now, after a lot of Prayer, Meditation, therapy, and positive thoughts I am starting to climb the crumbled wall of my mind back up to the top. Back to the Sun. I know i will rise above this fear and anxiety. it may take time but it took time to get there. Above all, I ask myself WHY did it take so long to realize those words were painful but not true. I don’t know. But as long as I am trying, I guess it does not matter. NEVER let someone’s toxic words or ways come into your head. It destroys. BUT, you can recover if you learn to stop believing them.
I am finally feeling like writing again. it has been a process with everything going on I just wanted to stay inbed snuggle on the couch and read. It has been like so crazy! Of course I couldn’t just stay in bed or couch cuddle, lol. Sorry but it would not let me space above on the in bed. I know, who cares, just a glip but that has been my mindset. lol. I have to say the last few months have been challenging, to say the least, and the year 2020 has been like none other I can ever remember. Either way, hopefully I can resume writing again and good day/ evening/ night to all of you. I hope it is great for you!
WOW! I have had a LOT of family hit with Covid the last month or so and now another one this week. This is a horrible thing for them and it is scary. Some do great and whip through while others are having a harder time. So I have been focusing on that and I am just too mentally drained to write. This is such a hard situation. You go loco if you try to be cautious and stay away from people and places but then I have seen first hand where going out or just even using every pre-caution you can they still got it. I am ready for this bad boy to hang up its guns and go away!
Three little kittens lost their mittens. lol. from a nursery rhyme but I thought these three would be perfect. lol
Most of you know Lucifer by now. He is the neighbors Chihuahua who has always been so mean and so scary that he can scare a dog over a 100 pounds into running from him with those sharp little teeth. If not, here is a quick summary. Lucifer, whom I will now just call “Salty Dog”, would attack and terrorize our neighborhood. People, animals, rocks, leaves and the list goes on every time he would jerk free from his masters hand ( a sweet but timid lady) and he would embark on his rampage, leash trailing behind him. He thought everything was deadly and needed him to kill it. including humans who would just be standing there. He would come after your ankles. we. all. ran. lol
But in 2020, Lucifer changed over the year. Yes, he still chases leaves, rocks, other animals and such but now he has stopped coming after me. He will just, stare, challenge my mind and then go on. We kind of came to a silent agreement this past year. we need more friends than enemies. lol. So, he is tempted at times but I guess he doesn’t smell fear on me anymore. who knows? Either way, from now on, I will call him Salty Dog. Unless he comes after me again. lol
It is the hardest thing to deal with, in my opinion. I have learned to deal with it, because you never get “over” it. But I swim through some rough waters most of the year. Of course I think of her and her brother every day and I also love the life I have and am grateful for it. I just want them here with me to be a part of it but that cannot be. However, when those birthdays come close or the day of leaving us, it always hits hard. There is no stopping it even when I try not to focus on it. I am not saying this happens to all parents who lose a child but for me it happens. It is hard. Very hard. So hug your kids, enjoy your blessings and pray it never happens to you. Because I WAS you before it happened to ME. * never take for granted. I did.