The time of year I hate to Love……

This is a hard time of the year. I love the season and the Holidays and all of the joy of celebration. But I hate to love it because so did she. The daughter I lost. But I am happy with all that I have. I am not miserable. I lost so many friends, well, all of them when she died. They didn’t and couldn’t understand and I couldn’t explain. I hate the feeling that comes this time of year. I want to enjoy it but I feel so guilty because, although I think of her everyday, this time of year that she loved and died in was her favorite. From Halloween to Valentines day. she celebrated life. I just think of her death. I hate that. I hate feeling like I am ungrateful because I am blessed but plagued now with so many issues. Anxiety, panic etc. I went from a really strong person to someone who feels like I cannot control my own mind. This is just who I am now but sometimes I just wish I had one friend who could “get” me and tell what I do to stop feeling this way. In memory of Nikki. Feb. 17th. Car wreck.

Author: artista10

Living Life. Where Life is real and where I share it.

8 thoughts on “The time of year I hate to Love……”

  1. I don’t think you need to feel guilty at all. It’s no wonder that this is a hard time of year for you. I cannot imagine the pain you must feel each year, for the loss of a child is the hardest thing a parent goes through. In fact it’s something no parent should ever have to go through. It’s a feeling that will never leave you, and nor should you ever feel guilty about it. All I can say is that you have to try and take things one step at a time, and give it time. Above all you should stop blaming yourself for feeling this way. It’s not necessary, and by writing posts like this, it only shows how strong a person you truly are.

    1. Thank you my sweet friend. You always lift me up with your encouragement. I am trying. It has been a bit so I always think it might not be so bad this year but then it comes. i am so grateful to have you on my blog. You are an inspiration and a laugh when I need it and always kind! Thank you.

  2. It is hard for me too. November is when my dad died, and then I have to get through the holidays without my dad, sister, and all my grandparents that have passed on (I only have one living immediate relative and she is abusive). I know it isn’t the same, but I can relate on some level at least.

    1. I am so sorry. I do not have friends (well on here I do) but yes it is hard. I cannot say if it is the same or not because I have lost a son and a daughter. But never a sister. I lost my dad but we were not close but regardless, my heart goes out to you. I am here though if you need someone. Hugs!

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