Broken…. A Poem….

Too many tears, so many lies, mistrust is never far.
Lost empty fear which divides the heart.
Chains of wisdom and chains of fear bind so many.
As they struggle between trust, love and abandonment.
Trying to conquer the demons within
While looking through rose colored panes.
Sadness, rejection, hopeful, hopeless, blessed, feeling cursed, drained but determined.
Happy yet angry, loved and loving but crazy with despair.
Sun shines, rain falls, bleak hope while searching for that silver lining.
Love, hate, hurt, heal, tortures of the soul.
Broken again, Broken can heal, Broken can be stitched back together
But Broken will always shows the scars of the Journey.

Black……………….A Poem……

Some call it darkness, some call it night. I call it black.
For some of us it is time to sleep, for others it is their day.
The monsters come out in the black. In our dreams, our nightmares, our closets.
During the light of the day the monsters hide. Sometimes.
It can beautiful this black or it can be deadly to the mind.
It can be when the demons in your mind come out because they also hide during the day.
It is just a change of time. A reflection. A thing.
It is when we can explore things without being seen or heard.
It is a strange thing to me because I find no solace in it to sleep but eventually I do.
The darkness of the day. The soul of fright. Black.

Anxiety, Panic and Life as we know it right now……

It is hard to write and for some hard to read. But panic and anxiety is so hard. Waking up from a sleep and feeling so weird because you are suddenly feeling that “warmth” that usually means an attack is coming. Wanting to get out bed to get, for me in helping, a cold bottled water but not able from fear of what if it is something else? Not wanting to wake your other, if you have one but it is embarrassing to ask for their help. Going to bed early just to be awake but play an online game or anything to get your mind off of it. The feeling that I have lost the freedom not to be scared it could come on fast and sometimes for no reason.
It is the fear of wondering if something else is wrong so I try the “difference” method. If I can slow it sown it is panic or anxiety. If I cannot, I need to seek help. It is a continuous mind game with my brain. I am trying really hard and the isolation doesn’t really help. But I just felt the need to write this today in case someone else out there is feeling this. You are NOT alone.